I’ll never make a million!

August 28, 2013August 28, 2013 The Indecisive Eejit6 Comments

Perhaps I am too nice to Ebay, there is no doubt I am too soft, but I like to know that all my unloved possessions are going to a good home and are well wrapped up for the journey to their new owners.

I have amassed an unbelievable amount of ~~shite~~ clutter, in my years on this planet, but now I am getting older I feel that I want to move to a more minimalistic style of living, mainly because I can’t be bothered having to lift ten million things before I dust a shelf.

I gathered together a few items and stuck them on Ebay, all auctions ending around 9 – 10pm on Sunday past. It was a strange little bunch of things, that included a bra, a lighter, CD’s and a watch.

Listing is pretty straight forward. With the bra I was fairly lucky as I was able to put it in two categories at the same time. Lingerie > Bra and Knicker Sets and also Miscellanea > Makeshift Parachutes. In the end a lovely lady who was perusing the lingerie section purchased the bra. I wrapped it in pink tissue paper, and wrote a thank you note which said, “Thank you for your purchase, I hope you find it uplifting!” I sure hope she has a sense of humour because I have only had positive feed back up until now.

Dear Geeky G4mer

I came across your item in the Makeshift parachute section. Whilst at this time I feel I have no need for a parachute, I was wondering if you think it would be any good for carrying boulders?

Dear Ivannapurchase

I think it would make a fine “Over the shoulder, boulder holder”. I can’t believe no one has thought of that before!!

Likewise, the ladies diamond lighter was also adorned with pink tissue paper and accompanied by a little note that said, “Thank you for your purchase, I hope you find it illuminating!”

Sometimes the lovely feedback you receive can make the boring task of packaging parcels whilst sticking your lips to the sellotape all worthwhile;

Dear Geeky G4mer

Thank you so much for your great communication and being such a lovely seller. If only there were more like you!
Have a great day :)

It’s nice to be nice, especially to your customers. They are after all the people who are now storing your crap allowing you to live the minimalistic life you always dreamed about, and besides, things go in cycles, so in another couple of years you can just go ahead and buy it right back!

So, you were taking the piss!

August 28, 2013August 28, 2013 The Indecisive Eejit5 Comments

512px-Jumping_for_joy — There was rejoicing in the Isle of Eejits!

It doesn’t happen that often, in fact I could count the times it has happened on two hands and one foot. Due to the rarity of it’s nature I wanted to share this momentous occasion with you all, and let you know that…..I WAS RIGHT!!!

For anyone who does not have a clue what I am wittering on about, may I please refer you to my previous post entitled ‘You are taking the piss’ in which I had a ~~mini meltdown~~, ~~right good old rant~~, discussion about the postage rates being charged by Ebay sellers on the UK mainland. I was so incensed by the extra £20 postage fee, that I felt compelled to send a message to the seller;

Hi,
Out of interest can I ask why someone like myself from Northern Ireland has to pay an additional £20 for postage, when it costs exactly the same for you to send a parcel to your next door neighbor as it would to me here if using Royal Mail?

I didn’t expect a reply and had actually forgotten I had sent the message in the first place. After blogging my displeasure I had obviously found some kind of inner peace with regards to the whole situation! So you can imagine my surprise when a notification tone alerted me to the fact that I had received a message from the seller!

Only for the fact that it makes it a little awkward to use the mouse, I was ready to don boxing gloves and fight to the end of the auction for my right to purchase the CD boxes and NOT pay postage! I was incensed all over again, ready for a war. I located the message and clicked open;

Dear Geeky G4mer,
Sorry thats on that listing by mistake,,, as you quite rightly say its free!

Wait, what!! That’s it? I was like a balloon someone had just stabbed with a huge pin, de fecking flated, there was to be no war of words today! It was a shallow victory!

I didn’t even want the item, I mean what am I going to do with 50 CD postage boxes!

Sad-Cardboard-Robot — Note to self: Buy Rescue remedy for mini meltdown situations!

You are taking the piss!!

August 26, 2013August 26, 2013 The Indecisive Eejit2 Comments

Mail_delivery — How the UK mainland thinks we get our post delivered!

I’m irritated, annoyed, a little bit cross, and if I had two good legs I would kick something!

I have completely thrown my teddies out of the proverbial pram!

For anyone that doesn’t already know, I live in Northern Ireland, Strawberry Quicksand excluded, she thinks I live in Scotland, but to be fair she is a bit of an eejit :) So to continue the lesson, Northern Ireland is part of the UK. Bear with me here, I promise I have a point!

I’ve been selling some of my old CD’s on Ebay as I rarely listen to them these days. More often that not I buy my music digitally and listen to it on the Ipod via a docking station.

CD’s are not worth much, in fact things seem to have gone full circle and vinyl is now back in favour and fetching a tidy sum for it’s sellers.

Posting either of these two items requires sturdy packaging, so to ensure my items arrive with the buyers in tip top condition, I decided to have a look at postage boxes.

The first couple of listings I happened across did not offer postage to Northern Ireland, that’s fair enough, especially if you are delivering by courier. Then I came across another listing, in which the seller offered Free economy delivery, which according to the blurb was provided by Royal Mail, however further down the description for the item it stated:

Customers in Northern Ireland & Ireland, please add £20 for carriage.

WTF!! I mean really….Ireland fair enough is classed as being part of Europe and therefore incurs Airmail rates, but we are classed as part of the UK and therefore fall under the same Royal Mail postage rates as the seller! I took a few deep breaths, composed a question, and sent it while giving my departing message the middle finger. So now I wait for the reply, and there may well be a very good explanation, but surely you see why I am a tad irked!!

Hi,

Out of interest can I ask why someone like myself from Northern Ireland has to pay an additional £20 for postage, when it costs exactly the same for you to send a parcel to your next door neighbor as it would to me here if using Royal Mail?

I mean ffs, it would be fecking cheaper for me to move into the house next door! Money grabbing gits!

Holy cow Batman, I decorated!!

August 23, 2013August 23, 2013 The Indecisive Eejit8 Comments

So I had a little reshuffle, a wee tweak, quite a lot of arsing around and copious amounts of swearing whilst trying to rekindle my long lost love affair with Paint Shop Pro!

The result is hopefully a much cleaner and sleeker blog. I love my old banner, but I was getting a little fed up with my background. That said, I have kept them both, because no doubt I shall revisit them at some stage.

So what do you think? Do you approve of my new look?

I only wish I could revamp myself so easily :)

So in the short time that it took to design myself a banner, it seems the majority of the Internet is up in arms about the fact that Ben Affleck is to play the role of Batman in the 2015 Superman sequel.

I’m not really sure what the problem is myself, sure you can only see his mouth!

That said, Christian Bale had a sexy mouth!

Ben Affleck as the new Batman sparks fan outrage (outfront.blogs.cnn.com)

World Police and Fire Games

August 21, 2013August 21, 2013 The Indecisive EejitLeave a comment

Craic – (Pronounced crack) Means great fun, good banter, a good laugh. i.e. “We were at the pub last night and the craic was mighty!”

So for anyone that didn’t know, the World Police and Fire Games were held in Northern Ireland this year.

It was a strange sight to see police officers dandering about without a care in the world, their occupation blazoned across their backs. Well it was certainly strange for here anyway, given our unusual situation.

According to the news reports a good time was had by all, people loved our little country, some even electing to stay a little longer and sightsee when the hype was over and the games had finished.

Being a constant worrier I don’t watch the news much, but one night I happened to catch a snippet of a report about a married couple, who were FBI and had travelled over for the games. The reporter when finishing the interview advised them to visit some of the local pubs and enjoy the craic. I’m not sure the gentleman understood what she was meaning, but he laughed and said he would indeed.

Fast forward a week and the same gentleman is being interviewed after completing his event and saying how much both he and his wife were enjoying the trip, so the reporter asks, and this is not word for word cos I have the memory of a Goldfish, “Did you manage to find any craic?”, to which the gentleman replied, “I’m not sure I would want my bosses to hear me saying on television that I enjoyed craic whilst I was in Northern Ireland.”

Oh how I laughed! Good on ye sir! Would be especially embarrassing if you worked for the DEA!

My Udderly Amazing Mucker!

August 19, 2013August 19, 2013 The Indecisive EejitLeave a comment

So whilst traveling home on the train this evening, I figured that same as I had started to tell you about my work colleagues, it was only fair that I offered a little light on some of my other friendships. So having mentioned her before I figured that the logical place to start is with “Udders.”

Udders and I have known each other for a long time, however it was only in the last 10 years or so that a friendship started to form.

Throughout my working life, Udders has been the best source of entertainment ever. In fact in the days when Monkey worked with us as well, there was never a dull moment.

How do you describe Udders, well for one thing she is no lady, but then I guess none of us really are. We are brash, a little crude and swear like troopers sometimes…actually a lot of the time. I know it’s not something to be proud of, but hey, people told me I have to be honest on here and it is MY blog after all! We can however do refinement, if the occasion calls for it.

Udders doesn’t do quiet to well. Although I live miles away from her, we can have a perfectly clear telephone call without the need for a telephone. Ok, so perhaps that is a slight exaggeration, but my chum is the Duchess of the Decibels. We were on a shopping trip one day and whilst in the chemist I had to ring My Dad, who is called Jack to ask if he needed anything. Realising it was my Father on the phone Udders proceeds to run riot up and down the aisles shouting “Hi Jack” at the top of her voice. To this day I still don’t think she understands why we were escorted from the shop!

Grape Dink — An Udderly Ridiculous Grape Statue of Udders!

Once when Udders was on holiday and I was missing her terribly I decided to make her a little welcome back present. I made a statue of her from grapes. By the time I had made the head and her ummm assets, there was nothing left for any other limbs! Remarkably everyone knew who it was!

Udders is also the type of person you want to have with you on a photoshoot, especially one for Facebook. She will do pretty much anything you ask her to, from hanging upside down from trees, riding The Mad Mouse ( a big dipper in Bangor), planking, and many many other things. You name it she has done it. If she’s refuses to do it, she’s usually photo shopped in whether she likes it or not.

72182_1542144287037_3274676_n — It was the cow print pj’s that did the trick!

A night out is never a dull affair, especially if she has had a glass of wine or three. Take the classic night in Spur for example, when the waiter who must have been all of about 20, comes to the table to take our order. Udders says to him, “I’ll have the Steak,” to which the waiter replies, “Which Size?” “7 inches” says Udders totally unabashed. The whole table burst out laughing, but it took a little while for the penny to drop that she should have in fact said ounces!

Sure she can be udderly annoying sometimes, udderly stupid (in a bimbo kinda way) and sometimes downright udderly ridiculous (pretty much all the time actually lol), but on top of those great things she is also funny, entertaining, loving and udderly amazing. I mean come on, who’s perfect, life would be boring if we were.

She’s my Udderly Amazing Mucker! and I love her to bits!

Reviewing the Nokia Lumia 820!

August 11, 2013August 12, 2013 The Indecisive Eejit6 Comments

So I’ve had it for about 3 weeks now, my mobile phone upgrade, the impressive Nokia Lumia 820.

To be fair, there is not much difference between my previous phone, the Lumia 800 and this one, the most notable however being the screen size, 4.3″ as opposed to the 3.7″ on the 800. For years I have listened to men telling me that size matters and in this case it certainly has made a difference and put a smile on my face.

The AMOLED screen is bright and responsive and features Super Sensitive Touch meaning it can still be used, even when wearing gloves.

Windows Phone 8 allows for live tiles with 3 sizes, meaning with just a couple of presses you can customize your home screen to suit your lifestyle adding people, apps, weather and any other tiles you desire.

A feature I was glad to see introduced, was the ability on this phone to adjust text size through various key places on the phone, i.e. text messaging. Sometimes on the 800 I had struggled with text, especially in low light, which is not something you want when you are a spectacle wearing geek!

Notable in its absence however, is the option to change your keyboard layout, it’s qwerty or nothing I’m afraid. I loved my alpha numeric keypad on previous phones and miss it dearly, I have not been able to warm to the presence of the full keyboard and find my texts and e-mails littered with comma’s as they are so close to the space bar. I am fully expecting the glass to wear away in the position of the back space.

Another thing lacking is the ability to be able to personalise your phone with text message tones. After reading through various forums I see that I am not alone in my despair over this. I can only hope it has been considered and will be added when the new software update rolls out in the next couple of months.

The integrated Xbox app works well and seems to have fewer of the connection problems I experienced with the 800. Smartglass has been built in and your avartar is now larger and can be customised from the comfort of your armchair using your phone.

You certainly wouldn’t be buying a Windows Phone if you are an App fanatic, as the Windows marketplace holds nowhere near as many as the likes of the Play store on Google. It is not hard to tell, that at the moment Windows phone are seriously lagging behind the competition in sales, as they are not very well supported, some companies being unable to confirm if this will ever change.

My main reason for buying a Nokia however, was for the signal strength, and from the options available within their range, the Windows operating system was the best of the bunch, in my opinion.

I live in a low signal area, which few networks support and had changed to the Nokia Lumia 800 from my previous HTC Sensation due to the fact that I was not able to send or receive text messages and make or receive calls.

The 820 seems to be fairly good, however I would say the 800 would have had slightly better reception, and for this reason I am a little disappointed with my upgrade, but so far so good, it’s still early days.

I was excited this week to learn about O2’s new app called Tu Go.

No signal? Download our TU Go app to call or text from your O2 number over wifi

Sounds great right, especially for someone like me who has signal issues. Downloading the app would allow me to be able to make and receive calls in the house by using my WiFi connection. You usage is still taken from your monthly allowance, but in the grand scheme of things that wouldn’t matter as much as being able to make and receive telephone calls!

One snag – there is no App for Windows Phone. At present it’s only available for Iphone, Android, and Windows 7 PC’s. Worse still, it doesn’t look like one is coming any time soon, if at all. Another large company not supporting Windows phone despite Telefónica announcing a Windows partnership, tut tut! Better get that sorted.

The introduction of this one app would make me consider Ebaying the Lumia and replacing it with an Android phone again, however as the Tu Go app is relatively new, I’ll give them a little time to get their act together.

Overall I’d give the Nokia Lumia 820 a hefty 8 outta 10. For what I need it for, it’ll do just fine…for now!!

Bit’s ‘n’ Pieces

August 11, 2013August 11, 2013 The Indecisive Eejit5 Comments

It’s hard to believe it’s almost the middle of August. Even harder still to believe, that in just short of 5 months it will be Christmas all over again. The tinsel twit in my office is already asking us for our £10 deposits, and if she doesn’t stop she’s going to get a boot in the old baubles!

It’s also been 4 months since I started this blog and I’ve been glad of it. It’s kept me entertained, kept my mind active and introduced me to some great new people, so its all good! Over 13, 000 hits, mainly due to the worlds addiction to Candy Crush, 92 followers and a new Facebook Page (which you can follow here)…who’d have thought it…certainly not me!

So here’s a round up of whats been happening this week:

Billy & Seamus have faces at last! Yes I know they are Xbox avatars ffs, I made them. Had I drawn them, they would have looked like two spuds (potatoes) with matchstick limbs, so what choice did I have really.

Any bored cartoonists stopping by, feel free to draw me a banner. I can pay in chocolate!

There was also more trouble on the streets of Belfast this weekend. Billy and Seamus got into a bit of an altercation at the ‘Here Be’s Me Burger Bar’ with big Eddie from the estate over ownership rights of the last remaining pastie bap. Three rounds of pitch and toss and a black eye later, Billy got his bap!

In other news:

Bruce Willis has ‘allegedly’ been dropped from Expendables 3 for requesting 1 million quid a day! My initial thoughts were, greedy big shite, but then I figured he probably needed the extra million to purchase the Saints Row Super Dangerous Wad Wad Edition, read more here.

the_expendables_2___bruce_willis-wallpaper-320x240 — “Ah Crap! I needed the wad for the wad wad.”

Just in case anyone is interested, I’d be in it for a £100 a day! – Just sayin!

Once Upon a Time, Season 3, is set to air in the United States on Sunday the 29th September, we however, will have to wait a little longer. I was also interested to note that a new series is also being released which will cross over with the residents in Storybrooke, hopefully as soon as the first episode. It’s called Once Upon a Time in Wonderland, here is the trailer:

If you haven’t checked out Once Upon a Time, make sure it is at the top of your to do list!

On that happy note I shall bid you all adieu. It’s bed time!

Meet Billy and Seamus!

August 2, 2013August 2, 2013 The Indecisive Eejit12 Comments

So I had an idea, well I had it a couple of days ago, but I’ve been mulling it over . I enjoyed doing my A to Z post, the one where my two characters ended up going to the Zoo. It was fun to introduce you to some of the dialect from Norn Ireland, although it does lose some charm in the process of transferring it from brain to page. Hearing the scenarios spoken is much funnier.

So my idea was to give the characters names and possibly a regular spot on the page. The seeds are sown, I’m just not sure I have enough brain power to cultivate them into saplings….I figure it’s worth a shot tho.

I’ll try it out and see what happens. If I or for that matter you think it’s complete and utter tripe it will most likely be consigned to the trash can.

The Characters

Meet Billy and Seamus. Two fun loving eejits, neither of whom could pick up the prize for the brightest pixie in the forest. Well come on, there had to be a little of me in there somewhere.

They come from different religious divides, but are the best of friends and have been since childhood.

Both are currently unemployed, although to be fair it’s not through lack of trying. Times are tough and jobs are hard to come by these days. The lack of work however allows them the time to indulge in lots of mirth and mayhem…..hopefully (think brain think).

At the kitchen table……..

Billy: Seamus?

Seamus: Wha?

Billy: Are ye happy?

Seamus: Aye, why?

Billy: Are ye sure you’re happy Seamus, like, really sure?

Seamus: Aye I’m sure.

Billy: Well could ye tell your feckin face then!

For anyone who doesn’t understand I apologise, interpretation can be given on request.

Is it worth giving Billy and Seamus a shot?

The Joys of Modern Travel – Part 9

August 1, 2013January 6, 2015 The Indecisive Eejit4 Comments

The title is a lie, an out and out dirty big fat lie I tell ye!! There were no joys about the modern travel this morning, not a single one.

Anyone who has read the previous TJOMT posts will know that in an effort to return to some kind of normality on the work front I have been attempting to travel on the earlier train. For the most part it’s not been too bad, however the stairs are slightly problematic meaning I have to do a kind of awkward hop limp on the flat surfaces to make the 3 minute window between train changes.

“Use the lift,” barked the station conductor one morning I was a little slow and felt I needed to explain myself. “I would but it’s full of your staff,” I barked back, at which point both of our heads did a cinematic slow turn to face the lift, which as I had stated was full to bursting with men in blue uniforms and orange jackets. I made a little “Hmphf,” noise and waltzed off, making sure as best I could that my indignation did not trip me up on the way.

This morning as my train pulled into the change station, I stood up to disembark. While standing at the doors waiting for them to open I could see the crowd surging forward, each one determined to be first to stake their claim on the steps and therefore secure the best seat. In light of the fact I can no longer do stairs, I am still at the stage of having to hold onto the hand rail and step forward on the bad leg. Such a simple task proved rather difficult this morning. It was like pushing my leg through a wall of marshmallow as bodies surged forward. Eventually in a rather loud voice laced with frustration I said “Could you all at least wait until I get off!” at which point a little corridor opened in the crowd and I was able to descend and pass through.

On my approach to the gate I realised something was not quite right as the guard was turning people around and making them head back towards the train, when in fact they should have been commencing the 3 minute sprint to the other platform.

Sure enough when I reached him the guard asked me where I was headed and then informed me I needed to get back onto the train as due to an earlier failure it was no longer an express and would be servicing all stops.

FFS!! I mean seriously FFS!!

So I about turned, retraced my steps and sheepishly stepped back onto the train, embarrassed at having to face the people I had not 2 minutes previously unleashed my frustration upon.

There were no seats, the one previously warmed by my ample backside now having been filled by someone else’s. The worst thing about having moved to a stage in leg injury recovery that no longer requires a crutch is that no one knows how badly you need to sit down.
I had to stand for the remainder of my journey.

It would appear that today was my day for receiving a resounding slap from karma.