As You Get Older

The Wonky Weekend

The Indecisive Eejit46 Comments

I really want to update you, honestly I do, I just have nothing to say. So here I sit listening to the Tudors Soundtrack staring at a blank screen.

Ah feck it, here goes.

A few weeks ago someone in work told me that for every bad day there would be good days. I laughed and said I can’t remember the last time there was a good day, but as things went, last week was not so bad. Perhaps my new regime of making myself go to bed at a relatively reasonable time was helping, or perhaps I am so far past the end of my tether that I actually just don’t care anymore.

I went in on Saturday and worked for 7 hours straight. When I left there were still things to do, but you know how it is, the Ships have to be fed. It made a wonky weekend being off Sunday and Monday as opposed to Saturday and Sunday, but it was beneficial.

When I arrived home on Saturday night I walked into a complete and utter nightmare. The Mothership seemed to think it was fun to pull everything out of the cupboards and place it in little piles all over any available surface in the living room, the Fathership was already under fire as he had asked her if she was going to tidy it up and I walked in and felt like crying. I cannot stress enough how much it irritates me that I spend at least 4 hours cleaning on a normal Saturday for it only to last half a day, if even. It’s such a waste of time. I don’t want someone to come and visit, look at the mess and think feck that big girl doesn’t do much to help out. Trust me, that’s going to get them a knee in the knackers followed by me screaming ‘give me a break I do pretty much fucking everything!!’

The final straw came on Sunday, while I was running round cleaning, yet again! Now bear in mind that at this stage the living room still looks like a bomb has gone off, so the Mothership proceeds to move to the room next door and tip everything out in there too. I was on to my second load of washing at this stage and owing to the fact that it was raining a whole zoo never mind cats and dogs, I had brought the clothes in and left them on a chair to be placed onto the clothes horse. I left them for two seconds to go and turn on the dinner and came back to find the Mothership trailing the clean clothes across the floor. It was right about then that the top of my head blew off and steam exited at a rather quick pace from my ears, in fact I looked pretty much something like this:

Burning Sun

I get that she was trying to help, but in the name of good fuck could she not tidy the two days worth of mess up instead of sticking an oar in where it’s not needed. I basically said as much too, and then went into the kitchen and broke down. There are people who will judge me, but do you know what, walk a week in my shoes and then see how you feel. Only those who have ever actually had to care for someone could ever understand. I know it’s not her fault and trust me, guilt eats at me, but I am a women fast approaching the menopause with hormonal homicidal tendencies, working full time, looking after two adults, once of whom is getting on like a sullen teenager. No one said it was going to be easy, and given a choice, it’s certainly not something you would sign up for. Right now though I would settle for a tidy house.

That said, tomorrow is another day, just a shame I’m back at work!

Halfway through this post I switched from listening to the Tudors Sountrack to The Penguin Cafe Orchestra. Awesome. Highly recommended for giving the heart a helping hand.

Till next time eejits :)

 

46 thoughts on “The Wonky Weekend”

  2. Love that soundtrack and I’m so very sorry about how much you deal with in a day. Let me tell you a little story of my mother’s saga. When she was caring for my grandfather (also living at home with dementia) she walked in one day bringing my niece (who was then about 9 or 10) to visit him. As they approached the grandfather, he decided to take off his pants! My mother hurried my niece out of there and blew a gasket at my grandfather! I mean truly blew a gasket. She had had it. But you know, he didn’t remember in a bit and she got it out. So perhaps my little story of another way things could be will make you laugh, but please know, if nothing else, you aren’t the only one who’s walked this road and you will make it through. I’m so heartened to hear about you setting a bedtime and things going a bit better at work. That co-worker was right…for every bad there will be a good….maybe not all orderly and when you’d like them, but eventually they will come and they will be awesome!

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  3. Well I certainly hope things turn out better for you moving forward! When I get all steamed up I like to go out and get some fresh air. Do you have anything productive that lets you blow off steam?

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  5. Oh I do feel for you. I work on a ward with elderly patients and we have many of them with dementia. It is so demanding and frustrating at times, as you cannot always get through to them, and they do not understand what they are doing. It must be soooooo frustrating finding all your hard work undone in a fre seconds, I know it would upset me. I agree that writing things down does help, and get some of it out of your system, I just want you to know how much I admire you for looking after your parents, You are an absolute star and I know you feel under-appreciated. Sending you all my best wishes and some hugs for good measure! :-)

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  6. Oh dear, sounds like you had the weekend from hell.

    Would a large brandy have helped? Or what about half an hour watching Mary Berry on the telly? I find both help to calm me down. I don’t know why, but both have even sent me to sleep while all around me it’s bedlam.

    If I was living next door I would have come around with the vacuum cleaner.

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  7. Oh sweetie… I don’t have to deal with quite that, but Josh sounds like he’s about on par with the Mothership when it comes to ability to destroy a freshly tidied room. Try not to feel bad about it getting to you once in awhile. You’re doing a good thing by being there and helping, and you’re only human.

    Rob is on to something. When she really gets under your skin like that see if you can find some legit excuse to step outside for a few minutes. Take some deep breaths. Walk around the house. Anything to physically let off a little steam.

    And know that we love you and we’re happy to listen when you need to vent and we never, ever judge. <3

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  8. Hang in there and you know where to find me (probably playing Yahtzee until my eyes get crossed, but still…)

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  9. Aaah dammit, the worst situation is the situation in which you are just extremely angry but know that it’s not entirely the other person’s fault… :(

    On the other, Tudors soundtrack, yessss :D

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  12. Right – far she blows – and please, don’t apologize – no need. You’re dealing and coping with a huge amount of pressure and stress – and it’s not easy.

    And you need to stop feeling guilty about your feelings – shame and guilt aren’t going to help you deal with any of this any better. It’s no one’s fault that the mothership has this problem – and all you can do is the best you can – in the moment – without trying commit matricide. So, yeah – find a way to back off from the moment, to clear you head – then start again.

    And I can’t stress this enough – and I really really wish you would listen – think about it – and make a few choices : but you need to get help with all of this. You really do. It’s clearly more than you alone – or you with your fathership can handle.

    Having lived through so many similar things – all I can say is this: if you think depriving yourself of the right to a proper life and sanity, the time to relax and find moments to be out and about and taking care of yourself properly is wrong – because their care has to come first – all.of.the.time – then please, by all means continue. It won’t matter in the short run – because they’ll be either locking you up first – or placing the lilies at your headstone.

    Sorry if this seems harsh – but you need to hear it. And I’ll be the one to say it – because I care a whole barrel of – er – pickled herring? – olives? well – I LOVE ya to bits Juls – and you really need to get some outside intervention happening. So please – think about it – and check out your options.

    Lots of love to you and great big pink fuzzy slippers (cozy cozy) hugs ((((((Juls))))))

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    • We have outside people coming to assess, but at this moment in time they say she is not at the stage where she needs any of the assistance they offer. Which in effect is probably true, lately it’s been more battles about the mood swings etc.

      I do find it helps to write about the situation and reading the comments from people like yourself always lifts my spirits. I try really hard to not write about it here, but sometimes needs must.

      Thank you for your support, it is much appreciated and I love you to bits too :)

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      • Ahhh … when I wrote far she blows – I meant that in a good way – write it where you have to – besides – it’s not like you’re unjustifiably complaining. You’re dealing with a really tough situation – and that warrants support – and you ask and get it where you can, eh?

        Are you sure these assessment people know just how ragged your butt is being run?

        Anyhow …. point is —- we love ya – and I love ya …. so breathe in breathe out – take a break – sneak out the back alley or equivalent and do something naughty. Whatever it is you need to keep you well and strong.

        (((((((((Juls)))))))))

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  14. Reading what you deal with scares the crap out of me for what my kids will end up dealing with from me. I think they will need to find me a good home somewhere close by so they do not have to deal with me. I hope you get some you time to de-stress.

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  16. Can’t believe I’ve missed so many of your posts! But then, I’ve kind of fallen off the Blogging Hamster Wheel; partly due to particularly rubbish Countryside Internet; which means I lose the moment; so don’t write. The role reversal of family life is never easy, particularly when one of your parents is reversing to the Terrible Twos (please take that inappropriate remark as the black humour it is intended to be!!!) It is really tough trying to stay calm when so much is out of your control. The little things will save you though, such as stepping outside, beating up people on XBox, or just adopting the Fuck It approach. And here is always a good place to let rip!!

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  17. Meant to say, good choice on Penguin Cafe Orchestra – I find them calming and soothing too. Also, I always smile at Horns of the Bull, which really does sound like a bull running all over the place :-)

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Entertain the Eejit!