writers block – The Indecisive Eejit

Hey, how’s tricks?

See what I did there? I’m deflecting, putting the onus on you to start a conversation because I have nothing to say, literally nothing.

I keep feeling like I should write. I want to write. But I’ve got zip, just dead space between my ears, a whole shit load of nowt.

I buy too much stationary, because when I’m in a funk it makes me feel better. It used to be shoes and handbags, but I can’t afford them anymore, mainly because I bought too many when I could. I would do a car boot sale, but I’d be one of those people who’d look longingly at my stuff and then squirrel it away on the promise that I’d sell it next time.

So here I am with all this stationary and still I have nothing. What’s the point of the pen and the notebook I ask myself if I’ve no words to fill the pages with.

I could tell you what’s going on in my head, but most of the time I don’t know myself. It’s a scarey place in there and not somewhere even I want to willingly go.

I could tell you what’s going on in my life, but apart from work and my recent addiction to Game of Thrones there isn’t much else. A lot of the time it feels like the world is moving forward and I’m standing on the sidelines watching it go by.

So, what do you do when you’ve got nothing. Well you do what I just did and waffle whatever is in your head hoping that the people who are crazy enough to read your blog forgive you and understand that normality, whatever that is, will one day return.

I feel like a fence. I need to get over myself, shut the gate on my insecurities and just write!

Salazar-Install-500x333 — Picture: Souther Salazar, Alejandro and the Idea Machine, 2010

I need a contraption that can suck the thoughts out of my head and e-mail them to me!

That’s strange I hear you mutter to yourself, and why yes, you are correct, it is indeed very strange, but it is also very much needed!

It’s been a busy couple of weeks what with people being off in work and things to be done at home. My free time was pretty much slashed to nothing. I usually blog on the train or at lunch time in work, but lunch times were few and far between, peaceful ones anyway, and tables were lacking on the trains. The blog gods were against me! The weekend was designated to housework. I started early so that I would have the rest of Saturday afternoon free to sort things out on here, but then the Father ship decided I needed to clean out his paperwork drawer and get stuff ready for the accountant. 3 hours later, oh yes, 3 hours, and it was time to make the tea!

Sunday I could have blogged, in fact I could have blogged for most of the day, but you know what, I was just too darn tired and my two remaining brain cells were rattling round the empty space between my ears road testing their Halloween costumes, which just happened to be Teflon frying pans, nothing was sticking!

In the midst of all this however I did have some ideas for posts, I would even go as far as to say some of them were great ideas for posts. But then I forgot them. I have this uncanny knack of coming up with ideas when I have nothing on which to write them down. I tell myself I won’t forget, I repeat them to myself in an effort to increase the likelihood, and then nothing, zilch, nada….all gone!

I come in at night when everything has been done, I’m showered, clothes are laid out and I am free to enjoy the little bit of time I have left before bed. I am like a master pianist, I flick out my pajama top tails and seat myself at my instrument, crick my neck from side to side, flex my fingers, limbering them up, preparing them, and then move them to hover above the keys, and there I sit.

To an outsider I probably look like I am in pain as I try to recall the ideas from the various nooks and crannies in my head, I guess it’s a little like brain constipation, I push but nothing happens. The ideas have all gone, they are lost somewhere in space and time, never to return.

Enter the idea machine. It would store all my little bits and bobs and then replay them to me whilst I limber up, allowing those beautiful and ‘Freshly (yeah right) Pressed’ deserving ideas to filter back into my consciousness, meaning I will no longer have to endure writers block!

I did start out tonight with the intention of writing my piece for this weeks Okay, What If? challenge, but after 30 minutes of screen staring, nothing was stirring so to speak, I can only apologise!

Happy Halloween my most favourite eejits in the whole wide world!