Ohhh October!

Me and my updates huh, don’t you just love them. Probably not, but hey, right now it’s all I have to give.

I have finally been able to cross a task off my list. After working all weekend one of my things to do is finally done and it’s a huge weight off my shoulders. There’s still plenty on the list mind you, but that was the one I was worrying about the most.

Winter is coming, and not in a Game of Thrones kind of way. The past weekend saw the change to heavier quilts, noticeably shorter nights and those damp and dreary grey mornings which can sometimes signal frost. Thankfully though there is none just yet.

This year has flown in, and with everything that went on last year it feels like most of it was a blur for me. I think I’ve got a touch of the sads, maybe because it’s approaching Mum’s anniversary and I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately or maybe it’s just in general because there has been so much going on. Either way I need to give myself a good boot up the backside, there is plenty to be done.

Next on the agenda is house clearing. There is still loads of stuff that needs to go to the charity shop, cupboards that need emptied and sorted and two or three trips to the dump with what has already been earmarked for disposal. All of that is going to have to wait a couple of weeks though because work is going to be pretty full on due to my colleague going on holiday. It’s going to be weird not having her around, I’ve got used to someone being in the office with me.

I’m sorry I haven’t been around reading much this weather, the train WiFi has been a bit sketchy and the only time I usually get to read is on my journey to work in the morning because weekends have been tied up with work, but hopefully in the next couple of weeks things will start to ease freeing up some time.

Well, you’ll be glad to hear that’s about it. No glitz and glamour in my life I’m afraid, but enough to keep me busy and out of mischief!

What’s new with you eejits?

Remember Me!

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I sort of feel like I need to provide an explanation with regards to my absence, when in reality I probably don’t. Even I was caught a little off guard this time when WordPress informed me it had been 23 days since my last post. I’d love to tell you I have been having a whale of a time, but why sugar coat it, things have been pretty shit to be honest, there is just no any other way to say it.

This whole Dementia thing is proving really stressful. We’ve had the worst month ever due to tantrums, constant crying, hospital visits, in fact you name it and we’ve probably dealt with it.

It’s becoming apparent that 9 out of 10 times I am the only person on the Motherships radar meaning she will essentially ignore everyone else and come to me for assistance. It’s like having a shadow and it’s exhausting. She leaves me with virtually no free time at all until I eventually put her to bed. I wanted to write last night but I was so tired I was unable to string a sentence together.

So that’s where I have been, every night I come home from work and step into the cocoon of caring that is so intense it almost makes you forget there is a world outside. Returning to work on a Monday after a weekend spent here feels like I’ve been away for a month, not two days and I am less than rested. As much as I dread work sometimes, I am glad of the escape.

Things are happening though, there is talk of Carers coming in to assist and a mild tablet that will hopefully bring calm, but we are doubtful it will make any difference and we certainly cannot tell the Mothership for fear of a reaction of explosive proportions. We will just have to wait and see. My Sister has been down every weekend which has been great and taken the pressure off.

But still, I am living on my nerves, and they are frazzled!

Apart from that there is nothing, not a fecking thing can I tell you that will in anyway entertain or amuse you. I just wanted to update you.

I read when I can and comment when I can, but less than perfect WiFi on my train journeys is a bit of a hindrance. Just know I am still alive and well and usually around somewhere :)

Making referrals

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When I am absent from the blog for a while I feel like a stranger when I come back, despite the fact it is my own space.

I’ve found it really hard to write this last couple of weeks, the ideas keep coming, but I just never seem to get time  to sit down, or when I do something else has happened and I am no longer in the mood. A war of words with the Mothership will do that to you.

A few weeks ago I finally made the decision to have myself referred for counselling, although my boss had also decided that if I didn’t they would anyway. So far I have had two assessments in quick succession, and I’ll now have to wait to find out which kind of counsellor I am being referred to, that could take 12 weeks, but at least I am in the system.

I need to do this. In the first session I cried for the whole 45 minutes and even though I am usually uncomfortable talking about myself, I tried to be as honest as I could. At the second assessment the lady really gave me something to think about, she asked about experiences I had been through. I though I was pretty unremarkable, but when I answered the questions I was able to say I had seen someone die, had a friend murdered and witnessed someone attempting to commit suicide. She wrote frantically at that point, even though I said I didn’t think any of those events had shaped my life, but how do I know.

At the end of the session I asked her if I was just wasting everyone’s time being there, because in my head I didn’t feel that what I am going through warranted their time, but she assured me it did, and told me I had done the right thing. She was also able to tell from the way I answered the questions that I lack confidence, which lifted a weight off my shoulders, because that is one of the things I would like to address.

Although I am scared about what is to come because several people have told me this will not be an easy process, I feel better that I have finally been brave enough to try. It certainly can’t make things any worse.

You will however be glad to know that she was full of approval with regards to the fact that I write a blog. I was particularly glowing in my description of you all, saying how beneficial I found it, and it was nice that she got it and understood, because not everyone does. She says I need to keep writing because it’s a good way to get things out in the open as opposed to bottling them up. How I do that I don’t know, because I am not sure here is the place for that. I think perhaps that as I start to change so will the blog and perhaps that is no bad things as long as I can keep an element of humour running though it. I told her I miss my funny and want to find it again.

So my hope is that I will be a little more regular here, but then again I always say that and it never happens, so for now I won’t be making any Mid Year Resolutions, I’m just going to see how it goes.

Missed you all :)

Keeping you in the loop!

 

It looks like there will be no more breaking wind! Well not with the right hair colour anyway, it would seem that Bitstrips on Facebook is no more.

I am devastated, I loved using their little cartoons to brighten up my blog. You’ll have to bear with me until I get used to the newer version which is only available on the phone, Breaking news is most likely to become ‘Guess What’

I perhaps do not look as deathly pale in the newer one as I did in the old, although I still look a bit gormless which is good.

Gormless (British Informal) – Lacking sense or initiative; foolish

Kinda fits right!?

So what’s been happening I hear you ask, well actually quite a lot and then again not a lot at the same time. It’s been busy, but my days have been filled with work and then all the other crap at home, there has been little time for either blogging or merry making.

This past weekend was a tough one emotionally, two mornings in a row I was woken up before even the birds had given their first chirp with Mothership issues. We got them sorted, but being yanked out of sleep like that has a knock on effect for the whole day. I tend to regress into myself when things like that happen, a side effect of the anxiety perhaps. No matter how calmly or cleverly we deal with the situation, there is always guilt that comes knocking at the wonky top box, even after everything has calmed down.

I was thinking a lot about my blog over the weekend too, seems to be that thinking is all I do at the minute because I am getting very little time to write. I’m not sure how I keep writing for what I effectively want to be known as a ‘Humour’ blog when all I actually want to do most nights is either bang my head repeatedly against a wall or hide under the duvet. So if things seem a little up and down at the minute it’s because I am currently teetering in the middle of a see-saw trying to find the correct balance between everything and trying not to lose either myself or my sense of humour in the process. It’s not feckin easy sometimes.

For those of you who are wondering, the tooth removal went ok thank you very much, despite the fact it took three injections before there was any numbness. I like my Dentist, she seemed to just go with the flow as I sat in the chair and rambled on…and on….and on. Scale and polish done and dusted and it was time for the grand finale. Through half closed eyes I saw her advance towards me with a pair of what looked suspiciously like BBQ tongs, at that point I shut my eyes completely. After a bit of hauling and twisting she tells her assistant she will need a bigger pair and I’m thinking I need a bigger pair too…of pants, cos I’m a fart away from filling the ones I am wearing, I’m that scared.

A few more hauls, yanks and twists and turns and out comes the tooth. I was a little disappointed there was no audible pop, just a ripping noise….*shudders* I asked the assistant if I could take the tooth home, she looked a little curious as to why I might want to do this, so I told her I was going to smash it with a hammer. Seemed kinda therapeutic to me considering that it was anxiety that caused me to lose the tooth in the fist place. In the end I didn’t do anything other than toss it in the trash. I’ve a huge hole…oo er mrs!!

I’m sure I probably had more to tell you, but to be honest I’ve run out of steam and it’s time to go and feed the Ships.

Hope everything is fine and dandy with the rest of you. Be sure to let me know about any REALLY exciting things in the comments.

Till next time eejits!