So Jed from over at Okay, What if? has set us the above challenge. Right from the outset I liked the idea, however I have to be honest and say it was a little harder than I initially thought!
Anyway for your entertainment, here is my remake of that old classic ‘Jingle Bells’. Remember you can’t just read it, you have to sing along, to the tune of , yep you guessed it, well, Jingle Bells of course!
Laughing in the snow,
They say more is on the way,
There are presents still to wrap,
and food to cook for the big day.
The sprouts they do their work,
They produce cool musical toots,
Lets hope we cook the turkey right,
So we don’t give ourselves the scoots!
Jingle Bells, Santa Smells,
He’s had too many greens,
He gets the presents muddled up,
and gives everyone a tin of beans.
Jingle Bells, now the whole town smells
There are lots of musical toots,
Santa lets a big one rip
and blows himself clean out of his boots!
You may remember in my last post I had remarked about how quiet it had been in the office of late, due to interference from…well, work. Apart from the afternoon of the 2 hour quiz which was hijacked by the Googling ‘Charades’ bandit, we have been relatively well behaved. Until today that is!
Each year the office hold a little ‘Christmas Soirée’ for a select few. Being relatively new to the office, and having missed last years due to injury, this was to be my first as an official office add on. It was also to be the first year I would partake in the Secret Santa.
The Diamond Dancer did what she does best and organised an amazing spread of nibbles and drinks (soft of course). Aside from it being Christmas, it was also Pri-Lei’s birth anniversary, and her arrival was greeted by a resounding chorus of Happy Birthday. In hindsight we were foolish and should have instead performed a mash-up. “We Wish You A Merry Birthday” could have been the coveted Christmas Number 1!
I gave Pri-Lei the worlds smallest ‘Star Wars’ Journal. She said she liked it, although when she did her eye gave a funny twitch, which made me a little suspicious as to her integrity! I could tell you her age, but I do believe, in all honesty, that she would hunt me down and kill me! Happy Birthday Pri – Lei, work is so much funnier when you are around!
After the stampede for the buffet had calmed a little and teas and coffee’s had been made, the process of dolling out the Secret Santa presents began. The task of delivery fell to me, because I was a little excited by the whole affair (I don’t get out much). It has to be said that as far as our office goes, we were pretty shit at the whole secret bit. Through careful elimination and cock-ups we had all pretty much figured out our gift givers.
My gift giver was the Tinsel Twit, who made a guest appearance at the soirée despite still being unwell. How did I know it was her I hear you ask. Mainly because when all the presents had been given out she said oh I forgot to put mine over there, doh! Oh and the fact there was a huge packet of Swizzels Matlow Drumsticks hanging out of it too was another sure sign.
There was much laughter as one by one gifts were opened. I got lots of class Penguin things and also stationary, for which I have a bit of a fetish! As we went round in the circle there was also drink, DVD’s, shopping bags, Bonsai tree’s, socks, nipple vijazzles (don’t even ask) and frilly Merry Christmas knickers.
Last but not least came The Adorable Yeti, the only male in the office to partake of the Secret Santa. I thought I was excited but the bearded one took it to a whole other level. Each time he placed his hand into the gift bag and pulled out an item from inside he let out a big “Yeyyyyyyyy” which was then followed by lots of laughter from us. When he pulled out two tins of air freshener there was an even bigger roar of laughter. Last to come out of the bag though, was some fart putty, his Secret Santa knew him well, considering The Adorable Yeti is renowned for his amazing trouser trumps!
The infamous ‘Fart Putty’
Needless to say the rest of the afternoon in the office was a musical extravaganza, as each toot from the fart putty was followed by the bass of The Adorable Yeti’s laugh.
So the other day, something very strange happened.
Still feeling a little glum after all the trauma of the card writing and the last minute frantic gift buying I decided I needed a time out and a little peace and quiet, so I headed into a well known coffee franchise and rewarded myself with a hefty serving of cappuccino. It seemed I had underestimated the peace and quiet aspect though, as a great number of other Christmas Shoppers had also elected to rest their weary legs. As luck would have it I found a small table tucked away in the corner, and there I sat mindlessly stirring my coffee while contemplating life in general.
“Mind if I sit here?”
Snapping out of my daydream I looked up to see a gentleman of around 60 years of age smiling down at me.
“No, sit away, let me just move my stuff. Nice beard and tache by the way, is that left over from Movember?”
He laughed, a nice tinkling kind of laugh. “No, that’s pretty much there all year round.”
“It’s cool, it’s so white, it’s almost like snow!”
Again he laughed. “Indeed. So what’s with the long face?”
This time I laughed, “You do realise that’s what the bar man said to the crocodile when it asked for a pint.”
“Ah, the old ones are the best. Seriously, why so glum?”
I shrugged my shoulders, “Meh. Just not loving the Christmas vibe at the minute.”
“Any particular reason why?”
“None specifically, just lots of different little random ones, money, time, stress…go me, bah bloody humbug!”
He appeared thoughtful for a minute, “Hmm, are you not excited to see what Santa has brought you for Christmas?”
It was at this point that the mouthful of coffee I happened to be savouring left me and met in tiny droplets all over the gentleman’s face. “I’m sorry, that was unintentional, but I mean come on, Santa, what age do you think I am?”
“I think you are never to old to believe in Santa Claus, he, after all, believes in you.”
“Does he indeed. Well that’s good to know.”
“I note the sarcasm young lady, but he never gave up on you the year you hunted the house high and low looking for your Christmas presents. Come Christmas morning you still got the cabbage patch doll you asked for.”
“Yeah, that is true….wait a minute..how did you……”
“And he never forgot you the year you tried so hard to find out what your presents were, that your parents told you if you didn’t stop harping on they were going to sell you at the market.”
I laughed, “Yeah there is that too….hang on here…..”
“And he didn’t forget you the year you thought he had delivered your presents to your Sister. The look on your face when she pulled the football gloves you had asked for out of her stocking, oh how I….ahem, I mean oh how Santa must have laughed.”
“Wait just a minute, you said I…….”
“Anyway I must go, it’s been lovely to chat.”
“Wait I didn’t catch your name?”
“Well it’s Kris my dear, Kris Kringle and it’s been lovely to meet you.”
“It’s been nice to meet you too Mr Kringle,” and with that he was gone.
Funny thing is, the name is really familiar but I can’t think where I know it from, I’m sure it will come to me. It’s weird, but the Christmas cappuccino must have been just what I needed, because ever since that day I have been really looking forward to Christmas!
The Indecisive Eejit 