So Jed from over at Okay, What if? has set us the above challenge. Right from the outset I liked the idea, however I have to be honest and say it was a little harder than I initially thought!
Anyway for your entertainment, here is my remake of that old classic ‘Jingle Bells’. Remember you can’t just read it, you have to sing along, to the tune of , yep you guessed it, well, Jingle Bells of course!
Laughing in the snow,
They say more is on the way,
There are presents still to wrap,
and food to cook for the big day.
The sprouts they do their work,
They produce cool musical toots,
Lets hope we cook the turkey right,
So we don’t give ourselves the scoots!
Jingle Bells, Santa Smells,
He’s had too many greens,
He gets the presents muddled up,
and gives everyone a tin of beans.
Jingle Bells, now the whole town smells
There are lots of musical toots,
Santa lets a big one rip
and blows himself clean out of his boots!
So the other day, something very strange happened.
Still feeling a little glum after all the trauma of the card writing and the last minute frantic gift buying I decided I needed a time out and a little peace and quiet, so I headed into a well known coffee franchise and rewarded myself with a hefty serving of cappuccino. It seemed I had underestimated the peace and quiet aspect though, as a great number of other Christmas Shoppers had also elected to rest their weary legs. As luck would have it I found a small table tucked away in the corner, and there I sat mindlessly stirring my coffee while contemplating life in general.
“Mind if I sit here?”
Snapping out of my daydream I looked up to see a gentleman of around 60 years of age smiling down at me.
“No, sit away, let me just move my stuff. Nice beard and tache by the way, is that left over from Movember?”
He laughed, a nice tinkling kind of laugh. “No, that’s pretty much there all year round.”
“It’s cool, it’s so white, it’s almost like snow!”
Again he laughed. “Indeed. So what’s with the long face?”
This time I laughed, “You do realise that’s what the bar man said to the crocodile when it asked for a pint.”
“Ah, the old ones are the best. Seriously, why so glum?”
I shrugged my shoulders, “Meh. Just not loving the Christmas vibe at the minute.”
“Any particular reason why?”
“None specifically, just lots of different little random ones, money, time, stress…go me, bah bloody humbug!”
He appeared thoughtful for a minute, “Hmm, are you not excited to see what Santa has brought you for Christmas?”
It was at this point that the mouthful of coffee I happened to be savouring left me and met in tiny droplets all over the gentleman’s face. “I’m sorry, that was unintentional, but I mean come on, Santa, what age do you think I am?”
“I think you are never to old to believe in Santa Claus, he, after all, believes in you.”
“Does he indeed. Well that’s good to know.”
“I note the sarcasm young lady, but he never gave up on you the year you hunted the house high and low looking for your Christmas presents. Come Christmas morning you still got the cabbage patch doll you asked for.”
“Yeah, that is true….wait a minute..how did you……”
“And he never forgot you the year you tried so hard to find out what your presents were, that your parents told you if you didn’t stop harping on they were going to sell you at the market.”
I laughed, “Yeah there is that too….hang on here…..”
“And he didn’t forget you the year you thought he had delivered your presents to your Sister. The look on your face when she pulled the football gloves you had asked for out of her stocking, oh how I….ahem, I mean oh how Santa must have laughed.”
“Wait just a minute, you said I…….”
“Anyway I must go, it’s been lovely to chat.”
“Wait I didn’t catch your name?”
“Well it’s Kris my dear, Kris Kringle and it’s been lovely to meet you.”
“It’s been nice to meet you too Mr Kringle,” and with that he was gone.
Funny thing is, the name is really familiar but I can’t think where I know it from, I’m sure it will come to me. It’s weird, but the Christmas cappuccino must have been just what I needed, because ever since that day I have been really looking forward to Christmas!
Tell us about the favorite dish or food that you simply cannot turn down.
My weakness is Creme Eggs, I absolutely love them, in fact their arrival is much more anticipated than that of Santa Claus!
Every year between the 1st of January and Easter day these little bundles of gooey goodness make an appearance and my life is complete. It’s a short lived love affair, as after the Easter Bunny has been and gone, the eggs depart and hibernate until the next new year!
I could never understand why more often that not my work colleagues would have a Creme Egg waiting for me at afternoon tea break. I just thought they were being exceptionally nice. Eventually I figured out it was because Creme Eggs gave me something akin to a legal high! Once the ‘E’ Numbers kicked in, I kicked off, a whirling dervish of one liners.
The cold turkey however was not so pleasant, so I had to be sensible and limit my intake, while pleading with my work colleagues to offer me no more temptations!
So now the question I know is on all of your lips! How do I eat mine. Well that’s simple, I’ve even included step by step instructions:
Make sure you are in possession of a Creme Egg. If possible try to con someone else into buying it for you. These ones definitely taste better.
Ensure before you begin the unwrapping ritual that your Creme Egg is at room temperature.
Once said Creme Egg is in your hand stroke it lovingly, before gently starting to unwrap the colourful silver foil. Both you and the egg know that you are, at some point going to bite it’s head off (for once nothing to do with hormones), but you can at the same time show it some respect.
When the silver foil is halfway down, wipe up any drool that seeing the egg in a semi naked state may have induced.
Swiftly bite off the top of the egg, savouring the chocolate taste that has not assaulted your senses for the last 8 months. Prepare for phase 2.
Dip your tongue into the gloopy gooey goodness that is at the heart of each and every Creme Egg. Slurping and dribbling is optional, each to his own.
Devour the remaining egg in one swift snap of the jaws whilst trying to hide the embarrassment you feel that others have witnessed this rare moment of intimacy you just experienced.
Get over the embarrassment and buy a second egg for later. Practice makes perfect :)
The Indecisive Eejit 