An Open letter to NIR

For a while now I have been reading ‘open letters’ penned by various people throughout the blogging community. I have to hold my hands up and say I was not entirely sure what an open letter was, as in how did it vary from an ordinary letter. So I did what I always do in times of crisis, I Googled it.
 

“An Open Letter is a letter that is intended to be read by a wide audience, or a letter intended for an individual, but that is nonetheless widely distributed intentionally.”

 
Oh. So that’s the difference. You learn something new everyday.
 
So here’s mine, cos I don’t have the balls to send it:
 
An Open Letter to Northern Ireland Railways
 
Dear Rulers of the Railways,
 
For almost 26 years now I have been availing of the use of your services to enable me to get back and forward to Technical College in the old days, and now work.
 
There have been many changes in this time, most recently the biggest being the change to the actual trains themselves. I have to say, being a seasoned traveller I do sort of miss the old ones with the pull down window doors, they were great fun in the 3 days of summer we had every year. It was like travelling in a convertible, the wind blowing through your hair. It was even better when the widows were open, cos then it was like a wind tunnel. It wasn’t however so funny when the train stopped and you couldn’t get the damn things open, missing your stop.
 
There is no doubt though that the new ones are by and large nothing short of brilliant. I have to give you credit where credit is due, you excelled yourselves on this occasion. Free WiFi, another stroke of genius, clever idea that to play the technology trump card, it wins every time.
 
I can’t even complain about your staff, they are usually friendly and helpful. A few of them even excel at Customer Service. You should be proud of them and not take them for granted. They do exceptional work in sometimes shitty circumstances. It takes a special kind of person to be able to absorb the abuse being hurled by angry and irate passengers when trains are delayed.
 
Train delays (and I’m touching wood here) are not so frequent these days. I hope I have not scudded myself because I need to get home on time tonight! I have spent many nights over the last 26 years standing on dark platforms waiting for trains that were over an hour late or in some instances never arrived at all.
 
The longest wait had to be one Winter night many many years back. It was very windy and stormy and a tree had ‘allegedly’ fallen somewhere on the Larne line. Our conductor put us off the train at Whitehead promising that a bus would soon arrive to collect us and facilitate the continuation of our journey, as they could only go so far due to the fallen tree. We waited for around 45 mins to an hour, there was no bus but eventually another train pulled into the station. We wandered over and asked the driver and conductor if we could board the train, but were again informed that due to the ‘fallen tree’ they were going to the next stop and then coming back. Another 45 mins to an hour later, same thing happens, still no bus and at this stage the 20 – 30 of us who have essentially been abandoned are wondering if the next stop is our equivalent of the Bermuda Triangle as three trains have gone in yet none have made it back. Eventually after about 3 hours you figured out there was a large group of missing people and attempted to rectify the situation. Fortunately around the same time relatives had also realised they were missing loved ones and came to rescue us themselves. As bad as that night was, you gave us compensation and I made some really good friends so every cloud has a silver lining and all that.
 
Most of my gripes these days are around scheduling and what I perceive to be the preferential treatment offered to travellers in some of the stations closer to the big smoke.
 
The two stations I will use as an example journey are Glynn and Jordanstown, although it serves the same purpose for any station between Whitehead to Larne and Clipperstown to Yorkgate.
 
I am at present (without having to bore you with the whole story) challenged with regards to walking, climbing stairs, boarding trains etc, in a nutshell I can’t do them very well and am in pain most days. The same difficulties would be faced by someone in a wheelchair whilst trying to make the same journey, so I am making the point for them also.
 
So assuming I work in a 9 to 5 job, any of the trains I need to catch are express trains. They run all stops to Carrickfergus (which seems to be the entire centre of your universe) at which point they turn into an express and race all the way to Belfast Central station. Anyone for the stops in between has to disembark, change platforms, which means 2 flights of stairs and a short subway walk, then climb aboard a second train and restart the journey. Bear in mind all of this has to be done within 3 minutes while fighting your way through hoards of school children and college students. It’s carnage I can tell you. I don’t even attempt it any more, I stay on the train to Belfast then double back on myself to get the station I require.
 
The return journey is pretty much the same, only if you are not careful it requires three changes. I would personally wait at either Carrickfergus or Downshire for the connecting train as crossing the level crossing at Whitehead proves problematic for someone with difficulty walking and even more so for someone in a wheelchair. With the introduction of the new 6 carriage trains, you also have to make sure you are in one of the first three as if not, you will end up changing again when the train actually reaches Whitehead.
 
I pay a lot of money to travel, but feel that compared to others I am getting a second class service. Carrickfergus and Belfast are not the only stops on that line you know!
If I’m on a train and it’s delayed, it’s unfair to turn it into an express solely to facilitate those travelling to Belfast, I’m going to be late for my work as well, but you don’t seem to care about that!
 
I need to bring this letter to a close because although I am running out of steam with regards to my writing, I am steaming up with regards to my annoyance levels.
 
It’s been nice to vent, however I don’t feel any better, but sure it was a great way to waste a lunchtime!

The Joys of Modern Travel – Part 10

I have not written about the joys of modern travel for ages it seems. I would like to say that this is because it has actually been a joy to travel, but it’s more a case of it’s been annoying my poor frazzled brain so much I was having difficulty transcribing it into words.
 
The new school year has brought with it a whole different class of characters who now use the train to travel from A to B. They are louder, brasher and pushier than ever before. They have no concept of ‘sitting beside someone’ rather they practically plonk themselves on top of you. This morning I had the unenviable task of trying to liberate my coat tails from someone who had obviously paid for their seat, and half of mine.
 
In the morning I no longer attempt to change trains, there is just no point. It’s like trying to push your way through a hoard of stampeding cattle. ‘Alien Leg’ is still refusing to do stairs, so what with the aforementioned stampeding cattle and the completely unreasonable 3 minute platform time change, it’s never going to happen. Not right now anyway. This means I travel to the nearest main station, get off, change and then double back on myself, adding 20 minutes to a journey that is already long and arduous.
 
On the way home I now have 2 train changes, as if one wasn’t bad enough, wtf! Railway planners were obviously on drugs the day they devised the new timetable.
 
It’s bad enough for me, with a wonky leg, but can you imagine what it would be like for someone in a wheelchair trying to attempt to make the same journey that I do.
 
They advertise the fact that you can travel in comfort and enjoy the free ‘WiFi’, relax and banish all the stresses of sitting in traffic. That’s a bit of an untruth. By the time you get yourself seated, if in fact you are lucky enough to get one, get out your tablet, connect to the wifi and kick back to enjoy it, you’re at the last stop and it’s time for the first change. Next stop and it’s time for the second change. By the time you clamour aboard for the final leg of the journey, you’re too fecking knackered to even attempt to hook any enabled device to any kind of sodding internet and you just collapse into the nearest available seat.
 
Don’t even get me started on the amount of decibels one table of school children can produce.
 
Joys of modern travel my arse!

The Joys of Modern Travel – Part 7 – Karma

Our Modern Day Trains!!
Our Modern Day Trains!!

Karma is a law in Hinduism which maintains that every act done, no matter how insignificant, will eventually return to the doer with equal impact

Ticket day today….so what would you like first, the good news, or the bad news!

There was no one at the station again, so I had my usual two options, jump off at a manned station, purchase ticket, jump back on and away we go or jump off at a manned station, take my time, have a cup of coffee, kick back and relax and wait for the next one. I opted for the former, after all I did have to get to work.

Ah FeckAfter my previous encounters with the guards at the station and on the train where they had apologised for not waiting, I felt assured that today there would be no repeat performance. I spoke to them on the way through and said I need to go and get my ticket and they nodded as there was a gentleman in front of me in a similar position. He went first and paid for his and as I stepped forward to the counter I heard the all to familiar noise of the doors closing and the train departing from the station. “Ah feck” says I, rolling my eyes and thinking not again.

So I was a little miffed to say the least but it’s not like I could run up the track screaming and waving my fists now is it, so best to concentrate on the task at hand.

“Is there any truth in the rumour we get an extra day on our tickets because of the strike last month?” I asked. Being miffed had made me a little braver than normal. “No, no truth in that rumour but if you give me a second or two I will tell you what you can get” was the reply and he proceeded to stab the shoite clean out of his wee calculator. “You get a £3.80 discount” he said looking a little ashamed. “Fair enough, I’m happy enough with that” I replied and watched the relief wash over his face. Anything is better than nothing.

So with my ticket bought, 30 minutes to kill and at a loss for something to do I did indeed purchase a cup of coffee and wandered out to the platform to kick back and relax.

WaitWhilst sipping my coffee and enjoying the sunshine I happened to notice that the train I had vacated not 15 minutes previously was sitting further up the line at the next station, which is not more than 3 minutes away from where I was. At this point I actually did consider running up the track, arms a flailing screaming WAIT!!!! at the top of my voice, but a sharp twinge from Alien Leg brought me sharply back to reality.

After another 5 minutes or so I began to realise something was wrong and that’s when the notion of karma hit me. The conductor didn’t wait so his train had broken down, was it really so bad that I had a little inward chuckle! After another 5 minutes it disappeared off into the distance, albeit at a very slow pace.

My next train pulled in and we started on our journey. Two stops along we picked up all the passengers from my original train.

It turns out there were 3 faults on the train when it left the first station. They called a mechanic to travel on board the train and proceeded with the journey, sadly not making it past the 7th station. Would it not just have been better to send out another train in the first place ffs.

No offence but your announcements of NIR apologises for the delay and inconvenience it may cause,  is, as my mate would say a bit like shouting toilet after you’ve shit yourself!

The Joys of Modern Travel – Part 6!

There are four seats just inside the door of the train labeled for pregnant ladies and possibly disabled persons. I’ve been looking at the little drawing for days and am having trouble figuring out exactly what it is, although there is no doubt about the pregnancy one, unless of course it’s for someone with a beer belly and I am totally mistaken.

Train SignsUsually I avail of one of these seats, they have a little more leg room for the days when Alien leg decides she does not want to bend!  I do of course move should someone more deserving come along!

This morning I was beaten to it by a couple who were obviously in the middle of a marital spat as they opted not to sit together, but take one set of two each. Fair enough thinks I, they are older and more deserving so I pottered on and managed to shoe horn myself into one of the smaller ones.

It took a minute or two coaching an appropriate bend out of Little Miss Awkward but eventually I got settled and pulled out the tablet to avail of the excellent free WIFI services!

Just as I was about to open up my WordPress Reader and get knuckled into the morning offerings the conductor says “Sorry folks, I have to ask you to move into the next carriage. We have school children coming aboard and we need to seat them all together”. I swore inwardly. Somehow I managed to heave myself back up, bones a creaking and moved down a little asking the conductor if I was allowed to sit in the chairs at the bottom of the carriage as there were still some seats available. Thankfully he said yes, although that may have had a lot to do with the stricken look on my face.

I like kids. They are cute, funny little individuals, who make you smile.

I don’t however  like 50 of the wee beggars all at once, screaming at the top of their voices because they are super excited about being on a train. At one point I was going to stand up and start singing “The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round” in a bid to get them to join in and hopefully stop the wailing. Instead I stuck in headphones and jacked up the volume. They were only going two stops anyway.

The journey continued. Music blaring. Kids blaring. Headache starting.

Two stops later we’re approaching the station where the kids are due to depart and I see them lined up on the platform, the most feared group to travel on the railways, the ones who make even the conductors quake in their steel toe capped boots…..The Gangsta Granny Brigade!!

Armed with their free passes, red lipstick and deadly handbags they line the platform and flatten anyone within zimmer frame distance.

Get out of Grandma's way or pay the price!
Get out of Grandma’s way or pay the price!

If you’ve read my blog before you will remember in Part 4 , I had a mini rant about people barging on and off trains. The Gangsta Grannies are the worst offenders. They didn’t just get old, they got fiesty and they are prepared to fight for the right to enter trains before everyone else has had a chance to exit. I’ve seen a fair few young men and women too for that matter get a good skelp with a handbag.

So the teachers are trying to get everyone organised to get off. The kids are jumping up and down squealing with excitement. The grannies are flailing their handbags around like human windmills and knocking kids awry like pins in a bowling alley and the conductor is descending the stairs to the depths of despair. It was all pretty good fun actually, and evil me, it brought a smile to my face!

Eventually everything got sorted and I have to say my heart did melt a little at the sight of all the kids in a line with their colourful little waterproof coats and wellie boots, all smiles and waving at us as we left them behind.

I didn’t listen to anymore songs after that on the old Ipod. I was to busy silently chuckling, while listening to the conductor rant about the Gangsta Grannies and how they would mow down anyone in their path.

He did however make a valid point, if the younger generation were to barge on through like that the GG’s would be the first to complain!

Respect has to be earned!

The Joys of Modern Travel Part 5!

The powers that be in NIR have obviously stumbled upon and read my previous Joys of Modern Travel 1 & 2, because they mention the price of tickets.

I had a relatively lovely week of travel, all on time, a seat everyday, nothing to complain about…..yes I know, for you it’s boring…for me it was just all lovely, rainbows, singing bluebirds the whole heap until I heard on the news one day that the price of tickets is rising 5%!!! I’m telling you, it was all I could do not to cry! and I mean cry as in tears cry, not cry out in anger.

I’m not stupid, I know the cost of everything rises, and they are saying this rise is not even in line with inflation and I also appreciate this is the first rise on some ticket types for a long time, but when everyone is already finding it hard to make ends meet is it a good idea and just when you are starting to encourage people to use your service are you not kind of shooting yourself in the foot?

They say you are better using their cheaper options, weekly, monthly’s etc. Of course a season ticket is the best option, but who in this day and age has a spare £1500 lying around to shell out all at once. There is also still the option of a third off a day return on tickets after 9.30 in the morning, but that does not suit if you are going to work!

It’s now going to cost me £1800 a year to travel, and for that I cannot even catch a direct train, I have to change on every single one. I can’t remember the last time I had a pay rise.

Customer satisfaction remains high as customers appreciate the many improvements we have made to our fleet, technology, ticketing together with innovative promotions and we look forward to  seeing more people try the bus and train over the coming weeks and months

This is true, I’d be a liar if I said I did not love the new trains and the fact that they do not break down. I also love the free WIFI service, but I’m wondering now is it really free, or is that where the bulk of my 5% is going. I’ve not seen any innovative promotions that are aimed at regular working people. How about offering a 6 month season ticket, or buy 3 months get one half price, I’ve love you long time if you would do that!

Sometimes I also wish they would consider other ticketing options. My monthly on the train runs from one date to another, i.e. if I bought it today it would run out on the 28th May, problem is I only very rarely use trains on the weekend, and I don’t always travel everyday of the week either as sometimes I am lucky enough to get a lift, so I’d prefer a ticket like they have on the buses, a 40 journey one, which I could probably make last an extra week or so.

Sad thing is there is no choice, we just have to manage and pay it somehow if we want to travel to work!

The Joys of Modern Travel Part 3!

I’m blogging from the train. Not because I have anything to say, but because I can.

I’m availing of Translink’s free Wifi! As I said in a previous post it is a marvellous invention. In effect the train becomes a hotspot, affording you the opportunity to game, check emails or read the news, or in my case, write a load of oul crap!!

I was able to turn my Google Nexus into a poor mans version of a netbook thanks to the purchase of a 13 quid keyboard from Ebay! I would have written the pound sign but for the fact that the keyboard obviously originated from the States and it’s only currrency symbol is $, ffs minor blimp on the keyboard heaven horizon!

I shall apologise in advance for any spelling mistakes, the keyboard is clearly designed for people with slender fingers, not big fat sausage ones like mine! To help your imagination I resemble a Hippo hammering a handheld, but it works and with clever use of the back button, arrow keys and the delete button I have faith the post will at least be legible.

The table seat I am sitting at is also extremely useful. I quickly found out I am not a master of the balancing on the bag act. Everything goes a little lop sided until it eventually hits the floor!!

Note to self, always find table!!

Today I am indeed benefitting from the Joys of Modern Travel!!

Time to get off, must dash!

The Joys of Modern Travel Part 2!

……arrived at Station. No one there. Stepped on train. Conductor “Ticket Please?”. I need to get off at the manned station to get one. “Ok”. The train stopped at the manned station and I did just consider sitting where I was. I was having a lazy moment, which coupled with the, I can’t be doing with this bullshit mentality was making me into a rebel. Then I wimped out, cos that’s what I do, wimpier than a wimp schooled at the school of wimpness I am. Stepped off train. Guard at station “Ticket please?”. I’m going in to get one, I need a monthly and you’re the only manned station. “Well are you getting back on?”. I did ponder for a few seconds on the merits of his offer, looked at him, looked at my dodgy leg, looked at him and then looked at my dodgy leg some more. Nah you’re all right mate thanks, I’ll get the next one.

Paid £141. Felt a little sick. Bought a coffee for £1.10. Felt a little better.

Drank my coffee, waited for the train. Stepped on, travelled, stepped off and went about my business.

The Joys Of Modern Travel!

Ok prepare for a rant! It’s been one of those days….oh yeah and it’s only midday!
 
So NIR or Northern Ireland Railways for those who have not got a clue what I am referring to. I have always been a fan, even on the nights when trains broke down and I was left stranded at various train stations for various amounts of time. Usually there was good craic and banter among the stranded and time passed. I used to never let it annoy me, other people usually ranted and raved and I just said nothing and felt sorry for the conductor who was getting a finger wagged in his face, muttering these things happen.
 
So let’s be clear, I have no issues with the conductor’s. They are a great bunch of lads and lasses doing a job I would not do for all the money in the world!
 
So I know at this point you are rolling your eyes and urging me on. Settle petal, I’m getting there……..oh look a butterfly……oops hang on, back now.
 
Some stations on the NIR lines get forgotten about. They tend to focus on the better money making routes and not the ones they consider give them a little less revenue. Yes! I do know that makes good business sense, however they are not encouraging anyone from the sticks to travel if they are getting a second class service.  To be fair things have greatly improved since the introduction of the new trains….my are they fabulous, always warm, comfortable seating, little tables and free Wifi, granted coverage is a little sketchy in places but they get 10 out of 10 for even trying, some of those places a man with a satellite dish on his head couldn’t get a reading.
 
So we’ve now established that my rant is not about the trains either.
 
It’s funny, I’ve not reached my point yet and I am running out of steam already, it is true what they say, it’s good to talk!
 
Point of Annoyance Number 1
 
I’ve recently been off work after knee surgery, walking is a bit of a trauma but it’s getting better, it’s all about rebuilding the muscle. On the day I reported fit I decided to check the train timetables to see what was going to work best for my phased return. I was extremely dismayed to see that I no longer had any direct trains to work, someone in their wisdom had decided that once you reach a certain point the train should turn into an express (to benefit the more important people from the more important stations), meaning anyone in between has to get off and change. I have 5 minutes to change between platforms, which involves stairs and subways, neither of which I can manage to well at the moment. The homeward journey is the same, I can no longer travel to work without changing trains on any of the times required to get me to and from work! Not happy, I pay the same as everyone else but feel I am getting a lesser service.
 
Point of Annoyance Number 2
 
Pricing – Anyone who travels by car will probably argue that when all costs are added together the train is cheaper. I would have agreed and would also have said it was less hassle, that is until I had to change, get off, wait, get on…..chooo chooo! So because I have been easing myself back into work gradually, I was not travelling a full week and therefore paying daily for my ticket. £10 a day. Anyone who travels after 9.30am in the morning can avail of a 3rd off a day return. Not anyone wanting to go to work though, there are no benefits for consistent travellers, full fare thanks very much! I am however grateful to the girls in work who raided through their junk mail and found me 50% off tickets issued by Translink in a bid to encourage people to try the train. This did help for a few days. I could have availed of an Mlink Ticket – 3 days travel for £25 saving me a fiver, however you can only have Mlink if you have an Iphone, Blackberry or Android. I am victimised for having a Windows Phone. Hey I am a gamer I like my Xbox App!! So no ticket for me on ye olde Mlink!  Translink say, and I quote “We would encourage all of our customers to consider upgrading to an iPhone, Blackberry or Android Smartphone in order to continue using the mLink app in the future.” Eh here mate, that’s a genius idea only I can’t fecking afford it cos I am paying you £10 a day to feckin travel.
 
So today as it is the start of a new month I am armed with my card to buy my monthly ticket. I get to the station, no one there, position closed, please buy your ticket on the train. So I ask the guard can you take a card, no sorry, but I need to get a monthly. So at this point my options are, get off at a manned station, buy a ticket and then get back on the train or buy a day return. I had to buy the day return for £10 as I can’t afford to be late for work. Really not happy, but I am still in a dilemma because what do I do if there is no one at the station tomorrow.
 
I need to win the lottery tonight, I don’t care if the big hand pokes me in the eye as long as he says “It’s You!”