A Miniature Update!

May 19, 2015 The Indecisive Eejit62 Comments

I haven’t used the breaking news picture for a while, it has no bearing on this post, but I liked it, so thought I would resurrect it. Sadly, there is no breaking news, you can pick your coffee cup back up.

I had a head full of plans for the weekend, the latter half of the week had passed uneventfully and although the vision of my weekend was slightly clouded by housework, I intended to fit some writing and GTA in there somewhere too. It all started well as by 8pm on Friday night most things were done and I was just finishing off the last of my tasks while mentally planning what I was going to spend my free time on, when I fell out the back door. How random right, I have no idea how I fell, did Alien Leg give way, did I slide on something, did my foot catch? who knows, but I tipped forwards out the back door and still somehow managed to land flat on my ass, thank feck it’s cushioned. The poor Fathership, he has no idea how I fell either, but I think he was about two farts away from shitting himself.

Somehow on the way down, in the moments between standing and slump I managed to scrape my elbow against the wall and also jarred my already damaged knee. I think that’s what concerned me the most, I was heart scared that perhaps I had managed to remove my tendon from my kneecap for a second time and sat for a little while cradling myself and praying this was not the case. Eventually I moved myself back, up onto the step and then hauled myself up, flexing my leg and walking. It hurt, but it seemed to be functioning correctly so I heaved a sigh of relief, lamented the loss of a layer of skin from my elbow and went on with the dishes. I babbled a little incoherently for a while, the Fathership informed me I was possibly in shock.

I didn’t move for much of the rest of the night after that, I know my knee well enough to let it rest and by this time it had started to swell. The weird thing is though, that when I was up and moving around later I realised my knee was no longer grinding, the grimace inducing grating of bones had temporarily disappeared, sadly the pain hadn’t. It’s weird isn’t it, that I was wishing the thing that has caused me concern and pain for the last three years would return.

So I’m hoping that perhaps when I jarred said knee I broke some scar tissue, which in the long run might give me some relief. It may also just be a simple case of the swelling causing temporary disappearance. Regardless, apart from a few scrapes, aches and a bruise on my butt I’m grand, if perhaps a little unsure on my feet again.

In other news, a theme was finally released that I like, taadaaaa, what do you think? I tinkered with it for a while before publishing and just this evening Paul sent me a new banner! Isn’t it great. I think that’s me happy again for a little while, but they don’t call me indecisive for nothing you know, so watch this space!

So that was my eventful weekend, how was yours?

Alien Leg – Part 6 – The Last Stand

July 6, 2013July 10, 2013 The Indecisive Eejit11 Comments

Image by Stuart Caie — Happy Birthday Alien Leg!

Dear Alien Leg,

Happy birthday! You are one year old today!

This is going to be the last post I write about you, I’ve decided that you are what you are and I am just going to have to live with it. Things could have been a whole lot worse.

We’ve had a rough year you and I.

I found that being with you through your recovery left me feeling a little depressed, I’m still trying to shake it. It’s hard to go from being fit and healthy to bolloxed in the space of 30 seconds. Harder still to be housebound for 6 months when you’re used to working two jobs.

I’m reminded of your existence every day. I’m always in some degree of pain or discomfort, always wary and now even your twin has started acting up because she is fed up taking all the strain. To think she was always the problematic one when we were younger, you not so. Now look at you ffs!

Your cousins, the Hip sisters are not so happy either. They say you two are not pulling your weight and passing a lot of the work to them. I’m just praying you all figure it out, so that someday soon we can all work together as a team.

We met some interesting people on our journey though didn’t we. We’ll not forget the help they gave us because we couldn’t have managed without them.

Looking back 9 – 10 months, I didn’t think I would be able to do what I am now. I know there are still a lot of things we can’t do and there are some things we’ll never be able to do again, but that’s just the way it is and I’m trying to find a way to accept that. It’s proving a little harder than I thought though.

Usually in letters there is a bit about how you wouldn’t change anything etc, but I can’t say that, because if I could go back 12 months and never have met you in the first place, of course I would. No offence intended of course!

Even though they have said you might never get better, I still think, and hope there is room for improvement. They say though that we are certain to get a visit from Uncle Arthritis and that Cousin Cartilage might have us in hospital again in the years to come. We’ll just have to cross all those bridges when we come to them.

I’ve left you a present on the dressing table. Cod liver oil capsules with a hint of Glucosamine. I know they aren’t very pleasant, but they are meant to help, so lets give it a shot.

I’ll try and remember to get in touch in about 6 months time to see how things are going. In the meantime I hope you continue to improve and try and have a word with your twin and tell her to give me a fecking break.

Be good and stop giving me so much pain if you can, I’d appreciate it!

Much Love

Juls x

(Image by: Stuart Caie – Click picture for more info)

Alien Leg – Part 5

June 25, 2013June 25, 2013 The Indecisive Eejit1 Comment

Previous Post!

Let‘s go back a little in this story. I feel I need to provide some information with regards to my injury.

The Patellar Tendon runs from the kneecap to the Tibia, the bone under your Knee. The rupture meant I had in effect severed this tendon, removing it from the knee cap, resulting in me losing the ability to straighen my leg and my knee cap to be lodged about 3 inches higher than it normally was.

The repair involved the surgeon, making a incision of about 6 inches vertically up the knee, drilling 3 holes in my kneecap and basically sewing the tendon back onto it.

Recovery involves the tendon healing and scar tissue forming to help everything re attach. That’s it in a nutshell, well to the best of my knowledge anyway, I never got very detailed accounts.

I googled pretty much everything to try and gain a better understading of what was happening, and more importantly, going to happen.

Back to the story…..

The rest of Saturday passed in a bit of a blur. I was still a little woozy from the earlier Rice Crispie incident. My friends came to visit, bringing with them smiles, helium filled baloons and Haribo!

I slept better that night, I’d eaten a little and I was so tired I even managed to block out the middle of the night chatter from my ward companions.

Sunday morning brought about a shift change and a new nurse, however the Sister was still in attendance. The new nurse was brilliant, she promised she would try and get me released later in the day. I can’t tell you how much I wanted to get home and into my own bed.

Under her watchful gaze I managed to make it to the rest room all by myself, she did however follow me with a wheelchair in case of emergencies.

Satsified that I was walking she arranged for me to go and be fitted with my leg brace, which was to be my constant companion for the next 3 months or so. I’d walked relatively ok in the post surgery one so I had high hopes that the new one would be the same.

I was placed into a wheelchair with alien leg on a little platform to keep her up and safe. A lovely porter, who just happened to be a gamer came to collect me and we chatted about consoles and what was hot or not in the gaming world as we sped through the corridors to the Fracture Clinic.

Once there, it was out of the chair and onto a higher one, kind of like a dentists chair. The two gentlemen who had cut me out of my cast the previous Tuesday, removed the temporary brace, all my bandages, checked my wound, put on a smaller dressing and then fitted me with the new one.

Back into the wheelchair and my friend is back, push push, more chit chat and within the space of 45 minutes I was back at my bed. I was worn out, kinda hard to believe really considering I hadn’t done anything!

My nurse was all business trying to get me sorted out to go home, tablets and injections were ordered. I was given a box of Laxido (in my head pronounced Laxidoooo to help you poooooo) just in case, as I had not been able to….well you get the drift!

It worked not to bad actually, because the sight of the box, and all the injections I was to take with me were enough to scare the shit out of anyone!!

They decided I could go home. Not that I was glad or anything, but I started packing straight away!

I changed out of the pink nightshirt, and back into my cow print pj bottoms and started to walk down to the toilet. It was going to be a long journey home.

Panic set in, I couldn’t walk in the new brace. My earlier freedom of movement was gone. Now when I stepped forwards my leg felt like it was being pulled in about 5 different directions and I was thinking this brace can’t possibly be on right. I was in quite a bit of pain, so much so I was beginning to wonder had I somehow hurt myself again. I called over the Doctor on duty but he wasn’t to sure about how leg braces were supposed to work. I asked “Do you think it’s ok” and his reply was “Aye it should be”. Now there’s confidence for you.

Feck it I thought, I don’t want to be here another night, I want to go home, so shut up and ship out! and thats what I did!

To be continued….

Looking Back!

May 28, 2013June 1, 2013 The Indecisive EejitLeave a comment

After my earlier post and much discussion in the office about my new shoes it got me thinking. I have been back in work almost 5 months now and although I am far from being better, I am also much improved.

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I very rarely “Always look on the bright side of life”, I tend to worry more about where I am going as opposed to how far I have come.

It’s been almost a year since my accident. Eight months ago I would never have imagined being where I am now. I thought my world had ended.

My next appointment is in a weeks time and I dread it. What if I go and they tell me they have found something on my scan and I have to go for more surgery. What if my now slightly higher than before kneecap is not right and has to be realigned. what if, what if, what if…..

I realised today I have pretty much lived my life from one appointment to the next. I can’t make plans. It’s a weight on my shoulders.

Aside from the fact of more surgery, there are other things to consider. More sick leave means going onto half pay again. Bills still need to be paid. It could also mean warnings from work.

But I can walk, that is the main thing here. Sure I may have a limp or not be able to do all the things I previously did, but I am walking. I’ve been through the toughest 7 months of my life and come out the other side.

I need to breathe and remember it is a long road to full recovery. There are many people fighting different battles and they do it with a smile because there is always hope.

Picture credit Bryce Johnson – click picture for more info

Alien Leg – Part 4!

May 12, 2013June 25, 2013 The Indecisive Eejit2 Comments

Previous Post.

The shift change brought with it a Ward Sister and she was all business. I figured I was being left alone as I had just had surgery the previous day. Everyone else was washed, scrubbed and titivated.

Breakfast came and I decided to have some Rice Crispies and Milk (I’m spelling them with a C because I am doubtful they were Kellogs), heaven knows why but right there and then it seemed like a great idea. About half way through the bowl I gave up, I just wasn’t 100% ready for food. Slow steps, it had now been well over 24 hours since I had last had solids, apart from the little pot of ice cream.

Just as I was drifting off for some well needed sleep, the Sister comes over to me and says “Right you, get yourself washed and dressed you’re getting out of bed today”. I was horrified, I looked in despair at Alien Leg all bandaged and strapped thinking how on earth am I going to be able to get up. I have to say though, the prospect of being able to make it to the toilet myself was much better than having to continually call for a bed pan.

I was given a wash basin and proceeded to wash myself, well the best you can while half lying / half sitting in a bed, I was appreciative though of the fact they let me wash myself.

Previously the Sister had given me my medication, a concoction of Tramadol and Paracetamol as far as I can remember, apparently they are more effective when taken together. I couldn’t believe how little pain I felt considering the agony I had been in the night before.

“Right” she says, “time to get out of bed”. Somehow I managed to get my legs around and down onto the floor and she helped me manoeuvre from the bed to the chair at the side and there I sat, my leg in front of me on a little stool. “You’re physio’s will be along soon to see you, they want you up and walking”. Oh fecking great, not content with getting me out of bed I now have to walk as well, mind you spurred on by the bedpan / toilet argument I thought fair enough.

I’d been sitting no more than 5 – 10 minutes when the sweats started, you know how it is, the cold fingers that creep all over your skin and you’re quite alarmed about the fact you can feel so cold but be sweating like it’s 50 degrees and rising. Then came the nausea. I asked a nurse for a tissue and told her I didn’t feel so good and it was right at that point the physios walked in.

Smiling profusely they introduced themselves and said that they needed to make me walk to check everything was ok. I replied saying I didn’t feel too good and in a slightly sterner voice she told me she needed me to just take a few steps. I think she thought I was making up the sickness to get out of the walking. I assured her I did want to try I simply wasn’t feeling the best.

They helped me up and I managed to shuffle a couple of steps. Again I told them I did not feel so good. “Just a few more steps” she said “and then we can turn and go back.” I replied “ok, I’m just telling you I really don’t feel so good” and she said “Well are you actually going to throw up?”, “Yep” says I, as I proceeded to do just that all over her. Well I mean come on I did warn her. Welcome back to the world little Rice Crispies, I didn’t expect to see you again.

I don’t know who was more horrified, my poor physio or me. In my defence I felt too sick to actually care all that much. I was pushed into a comode like wheelchair, (basically a wooden board with an arse shaped hole that fits right over the toilet), and wheeled to the bathroom, handed some paper towells and left to get myself cleaned up. Not an easy task at all, but I did the best I could. I was given a pink gown to wear considering the state of my poor nightdress, pink ffs, oh how my friends laughed.

When I came back all the little rice crispies were gone and I was allowed to climb back into bed. All this and it was still not even 11.30 am.

To be continued……….

Alien Leg – Part 5

(Picture courtesy of JohnMKimmins)

Alien Leg – Part 2

May 3, 2013May 12, 2013 The Indecisive Eejit6 Comments

Previous Post.

I’m not sure how I survived the few days leading up to surgery. I know I didn’t sleep very much. I had a lot on my mind.

The thought of anesthesia scared me. The thought of not waking up from anesthesia scared me more. No one really prepares you for what to expect, but signing a form to acknowledge the fact you may die during the procedure is certainly thought provoking.

My surgery was scheduled for Friday the 13th! I know, someone somewhere was having a great chuckle at my expense.

We had to leave the house at 5.30 that morning to ensure prompt arrival at the hospital for 7.30am. I was taken into an admittance ward and my parents were told they could not stay with me. I was actually calm, something that surprised me. I was practising my albatross breathing to try and keep my blood pressure as level as possible. Breathe in while imagining the wings of the great bird lifting, breathe out as they lower. Hey stop laughing, it actually works!

I was given a gown, and a sock and told to get changed. It’s almost impossible to keep your modesty in check when you’re on crutches, have no spare hands and your arse is hanging out of a blue gown that you can’t tie because the fastenings are at the back. The single white sock however was kind of fetching in it’s own way, it’s aim, to aid circulation I think.

Then in walked my surgeon. I am guessing he came to explain the procedure to me, I did not hear one word he said. I was to busy gazing upon his loveliness. I saw his mouth moving, but seriously that was all. Little words like, drill, holes, in, kneecap, suture and stitches may have filtered through the bird song and fireworks I just can’t be sure. He then grabbed a marker and proceeded to draw an arrow on my foot. I’m pretty sure had it been anyone else but him I would have joked and said do you not know what leg it is ya eejit, I mean does the full leg cast not kind of give it away, but I said nothing. My sub concious was obviously smart enough to tell my brain, you’re going to be asleep and under his knife, shut the hell up!

Next came the anesthetist, lovely man he was, all jolly and smiley. He’d have put me right at ease if I hadn’t been already due to the aforementioned albatross exercises, to be honest I think I was a little giddy at this point from all the attention.

Anesthetist: Hello I’m Dr Anesthetist and I’ll be looking after you today.

Me: You’ll be putting me out, right?

Anesthetist: Yes, that’s my job.

Me: As in, out, out.

Anesthetist: Yes

Me: As in I will be asleep, right out, not aware, dead to the…..ummm reallly soundly alseep.

Anesthetist: You have no need to worry.

Me: Ok! (begrudgingly)

They come and tell me it’s time and start wheeling me through the corridors, into lifts and down into the bowels of the hospital. I’m not ashamed to admit I cried. Watching all the ceiling lights go past I started to think of all the people I might never see again if I didn’t make it through, I was lonely, I wanted someone I knew to tell me goodbye and that they would see me later. The nurse patted my hand and told me it would be ok and right there and then that was the nicest thing anyone could have done for me.

The scenery changed and I was in a little annex off the theatre and the Anesthetist Nurse says she is going to put in a cannula, I think that’s what it’s called anyway. She says “You’ll just feel a little prick” and I swear I let out the loudest schoolgirlish giggle in the whole world and said “tee hee hee she said just a little prick” and they all started laughing. I went bright red, I think I muttered “Oops did I say that out loud! She carried on with what she was doing and it bloody hurt, “Ouch that wasn’t such a little prick after all!” says I.

My jolly anesthetist came back and started patting my hand and asking me questions, I heard him say she won’t need a mask. I remember turning to him and saying “Ooo my face has gone all tingly” and him replying that was perfectly normal, I remember nothing after that.

To be continued……………….

Alien Leg – Part 3

Alien Leg, an introduction!

May 1, 2013May 3, 2013 The Indecisive Eejit9 Comments

Never wear lounge pants that have a tendency to slide down as you walk, that’s all I am saying, they are detrimental to your health!

Last summer I was wearing a pair of said trousers and my toe of my right foot caught at the bottom and down I went, landing on, I can only assume a bent left knee. It all happened so quickly, I can’t really be sure how I landed but I knew I had done some kind of damage.

When I was younger my right knee had a tendency to dislocate as in I would turn and it wouldn’t, so I figured this was something similar. After about 5 minutes when I had stopped writhing around and the shock subsided I managed to get myself up onto my feet with relatively little pain, however when I went to step forward I realised I had no control over my leg, I couldn’t kick forward and there was a strange lump about an inch up into my thigh when I bent my knee, I later learned this was my kneecap.

One trip to A&E later and I am in a full leg cast and all set for the Fracture Clinic the following Tuesday. At this stage I still had no inclination how serious my injury was, ignorance was bliss.

I’m 41 years old and I am lucky enough to be able to say that up until this point I had never been at a hospital in my life. I was fecking petrified, I’m pretty sure my blood pressure was through the roof and every part of me hurt from trying to haul myself around on crutches. It is sooooo difficult, I used to scowl at people who made it look easy.

7 Hours later I am leaving the Fracture Clinic, my cast is split but bandaged together, the Dr has said I can weight bear on the leg as I have already done the damage, but I have to go for Surgery on the Friday to fix what I now know is a ruptured patellar tendon.

So back to the title of this post, I affectionately named my left leg Alien Leg or AL for short as it no longer felt like my own.

To be continued…….

Alien Leg – Part 2

I want to document what happened to me, so that I can look back and remember, but as you read this keep in the back of your mind that I am fully aware how lucky I am that I can still walk and my injury while traumatic for me was not life threatening. My heart goes out to anyone who has to experience anything like this or worse, it is not an easy road to travel!

The Joys of Modern Travel Part 4!!

April 13, 2013January 6, 2015 The Indecisive Eejit6 Comments

There seems to be a bit of a theme developing here, however I am aware that at some stage I am going to have to change the record and move on! Not tonight though, there are a few words still to be spoken.

Mini Rant Number 1

Anyone who knows me is aware of the fact that I have recently undergone knee surgery. Actually anyone who doesn’t know me would probably also be able to guess that there is something not quite right with me, but for the most part now I am back on my feet and walking, I look relatively normal. I no longer have to avail of the use of a crutch or walking aid. Good news you say, and yes considering the state I was in 7 months ago it certainly is.

However is it not so good when trying to travel by train.

The other morning, the the trauma of having to walk from the car park to the train platform had really taken it’s toll! Ok, slight exaggeration, my leg was a little sore so I needed to sit down..happy now! So I’m the first person on the platform, but pretty soon others start to filter out.

So over the speaker comes the announcement about the next train leaving Platform 1, blah, blah, blah. I gather myself together, make sure I have all my belongings and step forward on the platform. After almost 20 years travelling back and forth I am a pretty good judge of where the train usually stops, for the carriage I want anyway and sure enough it slows down. Now on these new fangled trains opening the door is almost a two person operation. The doors are so wide that the button to open them is a fair bit to the left of the door. A kind gentlemen who is a little closer to the left hand side than I, steps over to hit the button and my bad leg and I step forward to grab the rail and hoist ourselves onto the train. Then out of nowhere comes this…well I was going to call her a young lady…but…this young lass just barges in between us both and onto the train, actually pushing us out of the way slightly. I’m not a violent person in any shape form or fashion, but right at that moment I had a clear vision in my minds eye of me pulling her by the pony tail and hauling her ass back off the train.

It happens at other times too. The train pulls into the station and the people from the platform are trying to barge their way past the throng trying to come off. Now I’m no rocket scientist but would it not make sense to let it empty a little before you try to embark, increasing your chance of finding a seat ffs! In fact would it not be a common courtesy to just wait until the others disembark!

Mini Rant Number 2

Which leads me nicely into my second foray into rantdom! Seats. Some days there are just not enough of them.

Now that is not exactly the rail company’s fault. I mean unless you have physic powers how would you ever be able to know how many people are going to travel. Ok sure, look at peak times and try and address those issues! But for the most part you can always get a seat somewhere.

Unless of course someone has placed their bag, coat, mobile phone, briefcase, hat, scarf and kitchen sink on the spare seat beside them. I mean, hellllooooooo did you pay for that extra seat?? Cos see if you didn’t, get yer shit picked up and make way for the irate woman with the bad leg who wants to sit down!! And you can stop giving me that pinched face look too, you only bought a ticket not the whole dam train!

Mini Rant Number 3

And last but not least, access onto the platform itself!

As a result of said knee surgery I am at present unable to descend stairs. I can climb up them, albeit with a lot of effing, blinding, grunts and groans but for some reason going down eludes me.

The station I depart from at home time is underneath a bridge…sort of. Being unable to do the stairs I have to walk about 50 yards further and head down a ramp which I am guessing they class as a wheelchair ramp. My advice, if you’re in a wheelchair avoid it at all costs, that fecker is steep. You lose grip or your brakes fail and you’re on a one way ticket to tracksville! Anyone hanging onto the back of you is going to fly like a kite! Go another 50 yards further on and down through the car park, it will be a much more pleasant journey, I promise! That’s what I now do.

I never realised until I hit that hill how much of a toll surgery had taken on my muscles. I was kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place, finding it really difficult to hold myself back and scared witless I was going to topple forward. I eventually made it down but I was practically doubled over hanging off the hand rail. People had joked with me when I went back to work about me carrying walking poles and I had laughed and said I’ve just got rid of crutches, but I could have done with them that day! Obviously as the days go by and the more I walk the strength returns and I shall soon use the hill as exercise, but I will proceed with caution and take a parachute!

I’ve lust let Paul proof read this post and his response was that I am going to get known as a train hater. To which I replied, I’m not a train hater though, I love the train, it’s just paying for it and some of the other passengers are the problem :)