Home Sweet Home!

January 20, 2015 May Dupp12 Comments

So I’m back, from outer…..ok perhaps not outer space, but I am back none the less. The Eeejit it seems is paying the price for writing that I had a severe bout of the male influenza at New year as she herself is now surrounded by snot sodden tissues and sneezing up a storm. Ffs I even had to clean the keyboard before I started to type.

It’s good to be back, even if I do lack a little wardrobe space. The move has allowed me more time for partying, in fact I have tripped the light fantastic up to the Wicky Digit most nights. I tripped a couple of times on the way home too, but that was purely due to one to many shandies.

Life since Christmas and the New Year has been hectic, but slowly things are returning to normal and it’s all about getting myself into a routine. I need to get some ironing done too, but lets work on the routine first, that buys me a little extra time, I hate ironing.

I decided that 2015 was going to be a dating free zone, considering some of the disasters I had last year. That said it’s early days, and there is no sense in ruling out all of the 12 months. They say you never know what’s round the corner, well I know it’s the bus stop, and love or a good oul snog can be found anywhere right!?

Well I better scoot, long day ahead of me tomorrow, I promised the Eejit I would make her some chicken soup, it’s meant to be good for flu. She doesn’t need to know it came out of a tin., so I need to be up early to walk to the shop before she realises. Don’t let on now!

See you all soon :)

Dating Do’s and Dating Don’ts

October 9, 2014February 25, 2015 May Dupp4 Comments

Periodically I will get fed up either being single, or of the talent in the Wicky Digit and find myself drifting back to the dangerous world of online dating. I say dangerous, because in some instances it would be of great benefit to have a full suit of body armour stashed at the back of your wardrobe.

I have already written about some of my experiences of Internet dating, and I seriously question my sanity every time I go to re-join, it is certainly not for the faint hearted, but in among the many, no, very very many, eejits, there are a few gems.

It would seem that the most popular way of starting a conversation is with the word ‘Hi’, every time I see it, I have to physically stop myself from replying with ‘ho, hi ho, it’s off internet dating we go’.Some people can even make it to two words, ‘Hi sexy’, how the hell do they know I am sexy, I don’t display a picture, I offer very little by way of a description and you will not find pictures of any bits of my booty on the world wide web…I hope, although there was this one time…..oh never mind.

When you first join there are several options you have to choose from when creating your online profile. I chose the option for Friendship but in the next set the only one available to me was “Not looking to date / Casual dating” or words to that effect. Gentlemen viewing my profile somehow managed to translate this to “Keep it simple boys and give us a buck at ye!”. You’ve read my blog, do I sound shy to you, if that’s what I wanted I certainly would not be signing up to a dating site now would I.

I was however talking to a chauffeur the other day, now he’s a grand fella, unlike the bicycle repair man who wanted to take me for a ‘ride’ and the Fireman who seemed to be rather keen to show me his hose.

Conversation was flowing and the craic was mighty and we were getting along famously when he decided it was time to show me a picture of his cock, and to be fair to him, it is rather impressive.

I in turn, liking his sense of humour thought it only fair that I show him one of my breasts.

chicken-breast-279848_640

Its early days but I might stick around for a while this time…there are so many more people I want to show my breasts too!

May Dupp Internet Dating!

January 11, 2014January 14, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit31 Comments

This Internet dating lark is easy, said no one, ever!!

I mean come on, you have a 27 page questionnaire to complete before they even let you get to the stage of picking a password! Apparently I completed one of the questions wrong too. It seems that where it said sex, I was supposed to answer with ‘Female’ and not ‘Yes Please’. Oh well, at least I know for next time.

Now I know what you’re thinking, and you’d be right, just exactly why are two voluptuous girls like myself and Onda having to resort to a dating site. Well if you lived where we do and frequented the same bars, you would know exactly why that is. It’s the same old faces all the time, half of them I went to school with and the other half are as old as me Da. There is, sadly, a definite lack of available men within our age range, which the way things are going at the minute could be anywhere from 21 – 55.

We have become girls of a certain standard, no longer interested in the young farmers, who ‘Do it in Wellies’, we’ve grown up and moved on so we’re now more inclined toward the likes of accountants and bankers, because apparently, they ‘do it with interest’, and by ‘do it’ I mean dating of course, you dirty sods!

Truth be told this is more for Onda than me, but you know what it’s like, you have to support your friends and in all honesty I’d be scared of missing out on something.

Onda’s last bloke, Kevin, an award winning butcher from the shop on Main Street, as lovely as he was, thought of her as a piece of meat, quite literally! He was always asking her to put a smile on her ‘chops’, complimenting her on her lovely ‘rump’ and referring to her, albeit proudly, as a prize heifer to his friends!

Cow with lipstick — “When Kevin met Onda”

Onda for the most part, good soul that she was took it all in her stride at the start, however cracks started to appear and the crunch came when all the girls in the pub started winking and making references to the size of Kevin’s prize winning sausage, commenting that because of that surely his oddities could be overlooked. One sausage joke to many, and Onda realising that he fell more into the category of cocktail than beef decided he had to go.

So now do you see why I am here today, writing this post and hiding from the task of having to embellish the details of my life in order to make them suitable for the many single men in the stratosphere, well the Emerald Isle at the very least. First impressions would lead me to believe that the men on the site outnumber the woman by at least 10 to 1 and I have already been asked to do things that I would never consider due to the massive health and safety risks involved. In fact I am pretty sure no ones body can bend like that naturally.

I shall keep you informed of how it all goes, the dating that is, not the…umm..other stuff!