Good evening folks from both myself and Professor Cat. As you might have already guessed it’s time for another challenge should anyone feel inclined.
Thank you to all those who last month shared their ideas for custom mugs, if you were not able to view some of the ideas you can catch up HERE and have a read through the ping backs and comments, there are some interesting and evil ideas.
For this time round, the idea came to me last night, but I needed beauty sleep and lots of it, so I had to put it on hold until this evening.
Are you ready? Okay, What if you went to bed one night and the next morning you awoke to find you were able to do three things that you couldn’t the night before. That can be anything, new skills, new talents, give it your best shot.
If we were having coffee I’d probably just hand you a list of updates because these days I am finding that it’s the only way I can effectively remember things. Lists of groceries, lists of things to do, lists of bills to pay to name just a few,
I’d gratefully sip the cappuccino I bought, I need a good hit of coffee today as I’m feeling a little shaky, probably due to the bad dreams and lack of sleep. Didn’t see those coming and I have no idea why they are, but any dream with an ex in it is usually bad.
I’d tell you I’ve been off for a few days and it’s been nice, but that I am filled with dread at the thought of having to go back to work tomorrow, I’ve kind of enjoyed living the last few days at a slower pace. Still the same anxiety, but perhaps not such a strong grip.
Conversation will most likely turn to WordPress and blogs and I’ll explain that I am a little miffed at all the changes being made to a platform that functions just fine without them. I’ll curse people who feel a need to fix things which are not broken and change things that are just fine as they are. I’d say I’ve missed a few posts lately between Bloglovin and The Reader because sometimes they just like to be a right royal pains in my posterior!
With glee I would tell you that I am quite possibly…actually almost certainly addicted to Nashville. People had been telling me it was good but I just never got around to checking it out for myself. When I did it was a little like a series watching hoe down in a barn, once I had started I just could not stop. That said, I have only made it to the end of Series Two so please do not fill in any of the blanks for me just yet.
There I’d have to leave you because I have just noticed the next thing on my list is to leave out clean clothes for work. I’d thank Part-Time Monster for giving us a reason to meet up in the first place and encourage you to share some stories of your own.
Today is Steve’s second anniversary here on WordPress so in honour I thought I would share this, my favourite post of his. After reading it again tonight it still makes me laugh :)
I think I’m at a bit of a crossroads and I am not sure what direction to take.
Every day this week I have plonked myself in front of my computer with the intention of writing something, anything. Instead, I have nothing, not a damn thing. That makes me question why I am here and why I continue to do this. Even now as I sit here trying to put everything down it’s twisting and turning in my head.
I never thought I would last this long to be honest, I rarely stick at anything. If I don’t feel it’s working then I let it go. I set standards for myself that are usually unachievable and berate myself when I fail. What I don’t realise at the time is that I am usually setting myself up to fail.
When I started blogging I wanted to get the word out there, I wanted people to read, while I didn’t want to be famous, I did want some interaction. I have written many posts before detailing how what I thought would happen and what did happen were two different things and I still stand by those sentiments as expressed in this post:
When you sit down, cup of coffee in hand and look back, because someone has challenged you as to the reasons why you blog, you will realise it is because you have become part of a family. You will begin to appreciate the love that surrounds you, the support that is offered to you and help you receive. You will realise that it is these people, along with your family and friends who have provided light in the darkness and a reason to smile when you thought there was none
Giving up is not an option. While I still feel like I do not measure up, I finally feel like I fit somewhere. I’m a very small part, but I am a part none the less.
I think I am changing, perhaps I am even starting to grow up. I still want to be the happy person I used to be, but most days life has a habit of suppressing it, there is too much other shit to deal with and it’s constant. By the time I deal with all the responsibilities I am too tired to deal with anything else.
I feel restricted in some ways, again, no ones fault but my own. In going back to my statement earlier about wanting to get the word out there I told people I knew, from real life when I started blogging and now I wish I hadn’t because in doing so I feel that I can’t be as open or as honest as I would like to be. That’s something I have to figure out a solution for own my own.
I don’t want to be the kind of person who throws posts out just to fill empty spaces or get blog views, I no longer care about stats, but I do care about this community. I wish I could go back to my younger days were words flowed, they just were and I did not have to give thought or consideration to what anyone else might think.
Sometime in the future I might decide that writing and blogging is no longer for me, but today is not that day.
Perhaps it is more about finding a balance than choosing a path.
Ok so the fact that I have done a few challenges does not mean I am fair game for offers of more. I am still not a fan, half times I don’t even get time to do my own. Occasionally though I will complete one and this one placed before me by Edwina from Edwina’s Episodes is one I shall attempt because she’s lovely and always very supportive of me. It’s the start of the post and I have not yet decided if I will inflict the pain on anyone else yet. Probably not, I am scared of repercussions.
The Rules:
Thank the blogger who nominated you.
Link back to the challenge creator, Dreams and Movie Screens so she can track your progress – Done.
Share 5 things about your future (jobs, kids, marriage, travel etc). Then one day you can look back and find out how psychic you really are.
Tag 5 bloggers and put them up to the challenge.
Thank you Edwina, mumble mumble groan groan and all that malarky, you probably thought I hadn’t read the post, but I had, it’s just taken me this long to get around to it. It’s a good job I like you young lady! :)
My Future
When I first read this nearly two weeks ago I had no idea how I was going to answer. Present life these days is not so great, the ups and downs of looking after someone with dementia can prove challenging, so when I think of the future I am quite honestly filled with dread. To wish for easier days is pretty much pointless as there is no cure as yet for this horrible disease. so what do I write, let me see:
To feel confident in my job – One day, I would like to be able to deal with the challenges that work throws at me without fluttering towards the ceiling every time the shit hits the fan. A year on and I still feel like the new girl, but I suppose in part that is because the job itself is always changing. Every time I turn around they are giving me something else to do.
To wean myself off peanut M&M’s so that hopefully one day I will lose some weight and take much needed pressure of my poor knees. Getting a new bra might help with that too, you have no idea how much things sag when you get older :)
To perhaps get a tattoo – I have no idea what, where or when or even if ever, but it’s something I keep mulling over. It will be interesting to find out if my future self grows a set of balls.
To keep entertaining people. I’ve struggled with blogging this last while and spoke to someone with similar feelings yesterday. I’ve wondered at times over the last few weeks if this is even something I want to continue, but it is, so I hope that The Indecisive Eejit or something similar exists in my future.
To be financially stable. If only I had told myself that many years ago :)
I hate passing on challenges as I know everyone is as busy as me, however on this occasion I am going to pass it on to one person, because over the last couple of months she has already made changes and I am genuinely interested to see what she thinks might be in her future, don’t hate me Bipolar Calico, over to you!
I didn’t write this week. I might not have written much last week either. If it makes you feel any better, I did give it some consideration, I just didn’t manage to actually do it. I am a woman who is full of good intentions.
I like the idea of writing, I always think my next piece is going to be my masterpiece. It’s probably a very good job I am not easily disappointed where my dreams are concerned.
If we were having coffee I would tell you that I finally joined Instagram. I don’t know why I have waited all this time. I’m a little like a snail, it may take longer, but I get there in the end.
I’d also tell you that I just watched some guy get his arse tattooed, thankfully however, not in real life. I am currently addicted to the TV show Tattoo Fixers.
Finally I would tell you that this is a quick update to let you know I am alive and kicking, but I am tired and need to get some sleep. I shall hopefully see you all again at the weekend!
Only yesterday I was rejoicing the fact that everyday this week the trains free WiFi has worked allowing me the opportunity to read and actually like posts on Bloglovin. I opened my mouth too soon, because today it has betrayed me. On the only journey of the week where I do not have to change trains, its has decided not to function. Bollocks!
I love the fact that on most days I am able to keep up with the outside world, but I am similarly horrified at how the predictive text or autocorrect on my phone seems to think I speak.
It has this knack, smart little bugger that it is, of changing simple words, that while it may only be one letter, add a different context to a whole sentence. Instead of being ‘on’ the loo, I am ‘in’ the loo. I know you’re wondering how I was even able to type from such a small bowl in the first place!
My friend randomly found this picture on the internet during the week and enquired if it was me. Umm yes it is, apparently my arse is a star, how could she not have known. Actually, maybe I’m just an arse!
This past few days I have actually had enough time to comment on a few posts. Like myself, not everyone is able to reply right there and then, so sometimes I need to remind myself of what I said. It’s usually at this point that overuse of the term ‘FFS’ occurs as I look with horror at how my comments have turned out. I would be first in line to petition for a way to edit my comments on someone else’s blog, not just my own.
Clearly as I type away with merry abandon I do not pay enough attention to the fact that my phone is also merrily typing its own version of my words. Those of you who read my comments must think I’m stupid….I am, but not as much as my phone would lead you to believe. Take that look off your face, I’m being serious.
So forgive me readers, for many times I have sinned against Saint Grammar, but in my defence regardless of whether it was my fault or not, I’m blaming the phone.
In the words of the almighty Bart Simpson, “I didn’t do it, no one saw me do it, you can’t prove anything!”
I wonder if you can buy inspiration in a packet, you know, kinda like you can do with some sauces. Place self in casserole dish, sprinkle with sauce and place in oven at a low heat for however long it takes for ideas to form. Let’s hope someone remembers to take me out before I get crispy.
It’s been a long but short week, if that makes any sense. I’ve achieved a lot for other people, but not really for myself. It’s been nice not being at work, however nerves are already kicking in for my return on Monday. I’ve removed some of my stress by completing tasks that needed done, which hopefully means the next time I take a few days off, I can have some to myself.
Weirdly this week, the thing that had me climbing the walls was trying to purchase a computer. I’ve had my PC for about 5 years and while it still works, when it starts up it’s like a parade of tractors advancing through my room. It’s getting slow in it’s old age too, a little like me. I’ve been keeping an eye on prices for a while and was delighted to see that Dell were offering an extra 10% off on their Inspiron computer. After discussions with the Fathership I headed onto the site to start the purchase process. Things were going well, and with the form filled in I pressed continue and was hit with an error regarding the contact telephone numbers. A little guidance was given, complete area code and then number, however despite the fact that I put the number in every way I could think of, it was not accepted.
As you can guess, I was starting to get a little frustrated at this stage, so I looked to live chat for assistance, but no, not available, despite the fact that it was still within the opening hours. Next the telephone help line, again same thing, after enduring a message informing me of said opening hours, she says thank you and hangs up. WTF!! I’m more than tetchy at this point, and commit my problem to the help desk via e-mail.
The next day I anxiously check my e-mail for a reply. I only have a few days left to avail of the discount before it disappears and had asked how I should complete the contact number in order for the site to accept it. The gentleman replies advising me he can raise an order but not telling me how to complete the number. So I reply with the details of the computer we were after. His next reply left me gutted, the computer was out of stock. After a few more e-mail exchanges I was left still not knowing how to complete the form and with a quote for a more expensive computer. I was right royally pissed at this stage, if the stupid site had worked or the helpline’s were available like they should have been I would have my computer ordered and all. Now however, the whole process has left me a little jaded and I am going to look elsewhere, so if you see any good deals let me know.
If I disappear, you’ll know that my existing computer has finally popped it’s clogs!
Sadly, this it not going to be one of those posts where you try to guess my location. I’m right where I always am, I’m just not sure who I am anymore.
I’ve found this last month or so a real struggle, I’ve been feeling a little disconnected, from pretty much everything. My anxiety levels have been through the roof, which has a knock on effect of a messed up sleep pattern, it’s a vicious circle. I still function, I do all the things I am supposed to, I keep things ticking over, and everyone fed, I go to work and the rest of the time I just feel tired. In my head the world is going to fall apart at any second and believe me, that’s not a nice feeling.
I miss the person I was. I used to be mildly funny. Perhaps in the correct setting I still could be, right now I just feel lost.
This life swamps me sometimes, the enormity of it all. I don’t think about just one person now, I have to think for two. I had trouble enough looking after myself.
I miss writing here, but I have nothing to say but this. I’m left not knowing what to do, should I wait until I have something funny to say, or should I just write everything and hope that the few people who interact don’t run for the hills. It is after all part and parcel of who I am, no one can be funny all of the time, right?!
I was cleaning out my computer of all the junk it has amassed over the last five years it has been with me. Reading through old posts left me wondering who the person who wrote them was, because it feels a world away from who I am now. If I’m also hurtling towards the menopause then I am well and truly fucked, throwing hormones into this mix is going to be about the the same as throwing a firework on a bonfire, looks out folks she’s gonna blow!
The thing is, I’ll get through it, I always do. Tomorrow I’ll get up and I’ll still function exactly as I did today. I’ll write about it and you’ll tell me stupid jokes and make me smile.
One day if I’m lucky, and you lot are incredibly unlucky I might just write a funny post again. Most likely the next one, because it is amazing how cathartic writing this shit actually is :)
Let me start with the bad jokes, to set you off on the right track:
Did you hear the one about the magic tractor? – It was driving down the road when it suddenly turned into a field!
And finally, whilst perusing Spotify this week, they were kind enough to give me a little playlist all of my very own based on the songs I listen to. One of the choices was a band called Amber Run with a song called I found which I love, however for the purposes of this post I am going to leave you with their song called Spark, simply because as the song says, I need to let the light in.
![Loopy Future]](https://theindecisiveeejit.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/loopy-future.jpg)
The Indecisive Eejit 