We were having a chat in work today and my wonky leg came up in conversation, mainly because it’s being a bitch. I’ve only just realised, while pondering life on the train home, that today is the 5th anniversary of my accident.
I hate being in pain, I often remark that from the waist down I need to be erased and then redrawn. I have one knee with a knee cap displacement (unless its moved since it’s last MRI) and one with three holes drilled in it to facilitate a severed tendon being reattached. If I were my knees I’d feckin hate me. Most days I know they do hate me.
I have a feeling the pain is only going to get worse, but I was warned of this, so it’s not like it’s a surprise or anything. I continue my exercises even though the pain now shoots to my hip. I try not to curse when my leg gives out for no reason and I try not to cry on the nights I’ve had to stand for long periods of time and the pain is unbearable. I’m getting old. It sucks. But it’s life.
I’ve quit smoking, it’s bad for the cartlidge that remains in my knees.
I’m eating healthier, to try and lessen the load that the sisters grim have to carry.
I will exercise, but I can’t right now until this current flare up of pain passes. This has been the worst one in a while.
I’m working on not blasting out ‘ya feckin fecker’ when my knee gives way and I jolt my back to keep myself upright. I’ve actually done this on a crowded platform, it’s extremely embarrassing.
I’m still walking, and that’s a blessing because when I initially found out I had severed my patellar tendon from my kneecap, my anxiety ridden brain had me convinced my life was over. It wasn’t.
It’s certainly different. There are things I miss, like full mobility. I hate cleaning the inside of cupboards, but now I wish I was able to. I hate not being able to walk down stairs unaided and I hate that I look like that the poster ‘Evolution of ape to man’ when I go from a sitting to a standing position.
This post is a reminder and a celebration.
It’s a reminder that things can change in a heartbeat and never be the same again, but that they could always be worse. I think of some of my friends, both in real life and here who are dealing with pain and sickness on a daily basis, but doing it with humour and grace.
It’s a celebration of coming out the other side and knowing that despite the fact that there is pain, there’s still life.
There’s more to be thankful for than not.
Happy birthday Alien Leg : )