My Udderly Amazing Mucker!

So whilst traveling home on the train this evening, I figured that same as I had started to tell you about my work colleagues, it was only fair that I offered a little light on some of my other friendships. So having mentioned her before I figured that the logical place to start is with “Udders.”

Udders and I have known each other for a long time, however it was only in the last 10 years or so that a friendship started to form.

Throughout my working life, Udders has been the best source of entertainment ever. In fact in the days when Monkey worked with us as well, there was never a dull moment.

How do you describe Udders, well for one thing she is no lady, but then I guess none of us really are. We are brash, a little crude and swear like troopers sometimes…actually a lot of the time. I know it’s not something to be proud of, but hey, people told me I have to be honest on here and it is MY blog after all! We can however do refinement, if the occasion calls for it.

Udders doesn’t do quiet to well. Although I live miles away from her, we can have a perfectly clear telephone call without the need for a telephone. Ok, so perhaps that is a slight exaggeration, but my chum is the Duchess of the Decibels. We were on a shopping trip one day and whilst in the chemist I had to ring My Dad, who is called Jack to ask if he needed anything. Realising it was my Father on the phone Udders proceeds to run riot up and down the aisles shouting “Hi Jack” at the top of her voice. To this day I still don’t think she understands why we were escorted from the shop!

Grape Dink
An Udderly Ridiculous Grape Statue of Udders!

Once when Udders was on holiday and I was missing her terribly I decided to make her a little welcome back present. I made a statue of her from grapes. By the time I had made the head and her ummm assets, there was nothing left for any other limbs! Remarkably everyone knew who it was!

Udders is also the type of person you want to have with you on a photoshoot, especially one for Facebook. She will do pretty much anything you ask her to, from hanging upside down from trees, riding The Mad Mouse ( a big dipper in Bangor), planking, and many many other things. You name it she has done it. If she’s refuses to do it, she’s usually photo shopped in whether she likes it or not.

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It was the cow print pj’s that did the trick!

A night out is never a dull affair, especially if she has had a glass of wine or three. Take the classic night in Spur for example, when the waiter who must have been all of about 20, comes to the table to take our order. Udders says to him, “I’ll have the Steak,” to which the waiter replies, “Which Size?” “7 inches” says Udders totally unabashed. The whole table burst out laughing, but it took a little while for the penny to drop that she should have in fact said ounces!

Sure she can be udderly annoying sometimes, udderly stupid (in a bimbo kinda way) and sometimes downright udderly ridiculous (pretty much all the time actually lol), but on top of those great things she is also funny, entertaining, loving and udderly amazing. I mean come on, who’s perfect, life would be boring if we were.

She’s my Udderly Amazing Mucker! and I love her to bits!

The Office Eejits!

An Office Full of EejitsWhen you consider how much of our lives we spend in work it’s very easy to become bored with the mundane every day routine.

I have always been blessed with having fantastic work colleagues, who not only provide entertainment, but also counselling, advice, smiles and a vast array of other skills that can be called upon if required.

My main counterpart until recently was “Udders”. I have named her this, as she has a couple of features that stand out, especially with the male of the species. Aside from this though, she also has moments of being udderly ridiculous, which provides no end of entertainment for myself and my colleagues. She also has the knack of being able to cheer me up when all udders fail!

Due to office restructuring, she had to relocate to another department, leaving behind a space that few could fill. Despite the move however, she remains a huge presence in my life and has made it her life’s ambition to find new ways to torture me, thank goodness!

Monkey was another one, she abandoned us for pastures new many years ago, but has still remained in contact.  She’s the baby of the bunch, the hip cool and trendy one.

Udders and Monkey are my dinner crew and there is never a dull moment. We’re like the three degrees…..of insanity!

The office I am currently in is large and spacious, with plenty of through traffic on a daily basis. My colleagues are as mad as a box of frogs, which certainly helps the days pass, however it’s getting to the point where we may have to consider putting an “Enter at your own risk” sign on the door. Anyone who is brave enough to enter is fair game, it is certainly not for the faint hearted.

The Tinsel Twit, who I mentioned before, is a little like a controllable light bulb, sometimes she can be a little dim, but when she’s on full power she will just blind you with brilliance. The best part is, that she has no idea how funny she actually is, it just rolls off her tongue as we roll about the floor laughing.

Today our big boss called in for a visit. When it was time to leave, he headed towards the door and was standing at the side of the Diamond Dancers desk, dressed from head to toe in motorcycle leathers. So the Tinsel Twit looks at him and says “You on your bike the day then?”, we all burst out laughing and the boss, after looking himself up and down says in the most deadpan voice ever, “No!” So she says “I never saw your helmet,” at which point we again erupted. Trying to make amends she quickly followed it with, “I thought it was just your quirky dress sense!”

Way to go Tinsel Twit, you’ll be getting no £10 deposit for the Christmas dinner from him!

There are so many more stories to tell and you will meet the whole crew in due course. I only hope they give you as much entertainment as they do me.


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