Weekend Wonderings

I seem to go through little periods of thinking. I shouldn’t think, it’s bad for me.

Every now and then I will question my need for this blog or where I fit into the so called blogsphere. I don’t have a niche as such, I’m more a bits and pieces of everything.

When starting I suppose my intention was to be a humour blog, but then life changed and all the humour kinda got sucked out of it and me. I’d still like to think I am marginally funny, or at least working my way back to that point. But as a wise man once said, self praise is no recommendation.

I think I have changed since I started writing way back in 2013, I’m not sure if it is for the better. Somewhere along the line while looking for someone to adult I realised that it was actually me, I was supposed to be the adult, well that was a steep learning curve I tell ya. Someone needs to write one of those yellow books entitled ‘The Idiots Guide to Adulting’. I could certainly have made use of it.

I did grow up, I dealt with seriously injuring my leg, which led to my first ever surgery, followed by becoming  a carer, followed by perhaps a little depression and a whole host of anxiety from these past events. Through counselling I realised I was an introvert and that I more than likely have mild social anxiety issues. People keep telling me I need to push through and force myself to do more, but for me that’s like standing at the edge of a boiling cauldron with everyone urging me to jump. Why can it not be enough for people that I am trying!

What does that mean for this blog, does it mean that I have outgrown it and is it time to give up and move on, or does it mean that I just let it evolve with me and see where the journey takes us both.

I want people to read what I write because they are genuinely interested in what I have to say. But I also want them to understand that I am geeky and awkward and not always sure of how to reply to the awesome comments that are left.  I want to write whatever my wonky little brain desires without people worrying I am going to fall off the edge of the earth.

I’ve been enjoying doing some of the fiction challenges, they make me think, but in a good way. They challenge me to hone my writing skills and they give me something else to focus on other than the inside of this rut I seem to find myself in.

When do you realise that enough is enough? When do you realise that it is time to move on, or when do you stop building barriers for yourself and just get on with the job at hand. I tell myself that likes and follows don’t matter and I mean that, but the interaction does. I love this community and I would miss it.

So I stay, but I don’t really evolve. I wonder if six months down the line people would even remember who I was. Perhaps they would say, you must remember her, you know, the weird girl from Ireland with the ginger hair. Don’t worry, I wouldn’t find that offensive, I quite like being weird :)

Perhaps one day I will eventually figure out who I am. Then I can figure out what here is. And we can all live happily ever after.

Until then I guess I just continue to be happy, be weird and be an eejit!

Thinking on a Thursday!

image

I wish I could lose weight as easily as I can lose inspiration. For the last two nights I have sat and stared at a blank screen and that is where it ends. Nothing flows from the brain to the fingertips. The ideas are unable to permeate the invisible wall that seems to have built itself around my wonky top box.

I have lots of ideas; I just don’t know how to transcribe them from brain to blog.

I did however create a new blog for May Dupp, as I have decided to try and give her an outlet all of her very own. I find that everything gets a little confusing on the one page. It will be trial and error and it may fail, but I’m going to give it a go.

 I find these days that my ability to write depends a lot on what is happening at home. If form with the Mothership is not good, it tends to put to me into mediocre form as well. On those days I tend not to write as it would just come out as a long tirade. No doubt sometimes I will, I do after all need an outlet, but you can rest assured on the days when those posts do appear, that I am not looking for sympathy, I am simply looking to let off a little steam.

In some ways I wish that when I started this blog I had remained anonymous. It would be so much easier to open up and just write about everything that is going on. I feel restricted, and yes while I know there is no one to blame for that but myself, I feel it all the same.

hope I have evolved over the first year of this blogs life, I am just not sure that I have. I still feel a little like a blogging baby in a lot of respects. On a daily basis I read some of the other blogs I love so much and think ‘Wow, I’m never going to be like that. I want to write like that.’ I am smart enough to know however that no two people can be the same, and I am who I am.

The bottom line is, sometimes it’s best I go back to basics and remember that the reason I started this blog was for me and no one else. I have just been extremely fortunate to meet other great people along the way.

On a plus note, I have tuna and cucumber sandwiches for lunch and they are just bloomin marvellous!

Happy Thursday Eejits.

Pertaining to thought!

thinking-please-be-patient-thecuriousbrain.com_

If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done. – Bruce Lee 

I’ve been giving it a lot of thought, and I have come to the conclusion that I do a lot of thinking. There is a chance that I might in fact, do a little too much thinking.  All thought and no play makes Julie a dull girl!

Thinking in itself would not be a problem, especially if there was some reason behind it, or perhaps a few light bulb moments, but no, I kind of just stare off into space and think about….well that’s the thing I have no idea what I think about.

I’d love to say it’s because I over use my obviously highly intelligent brain cells, which then need to shut down to regenerate, but you and I both know that’s not true. I have and always will be a member of the Not The Brightest Pixie In The Forest Brigade. Out of interest I decided to Google that very phrase and surprisingly I am the second entry, being pipped to the post by Wikipedia, who being much more knowledgeable than I, could probably tell you who the brightest pixie in the forest actually is.

I’ve decided to curtail my thinking activities in the hope that it will make me more productive. All those moments when I blank out and transcend to Thinksville could be used for things like drawing and writing. I was going to say cooking and housework and then I ‘thought’ wise up. That one I listened to.

There are times though when the practice of thinking will still be permitted:

  • I shall still continue to think before I speak, as I have been told that a smack in the mouth can be a quite painful.
  • I shall continue to think before I cross the road, because I need to get to the other side safely to ask the Chicken a question.
  • I shall continue to think about what to wear each day. I made a New Years resolution that I would never go shopping in my Onesie, and so far, despite a few wobbles, I have remained true to my word.
  • I shall continue to think about what I make the ‘Ships’ (Mothership and Fathership)for dinner. Too much spice might have them reaching for the cooling bog roll in the secret compartment of the fridge.
emergencyroll
Keep in fridge for Spice Nights!

There is however one thing I do intend to do a little more of, and that’s thinking positively. I don’t seem to have been doing very much of that lately, which goes a little way to explaining my lack of posts. From now on when I get stuck for things to blog about, I will politely remind myself that I can write whatever I want, even if it is a random post about thinking.

For now though, I think it’s bedtime.  Another late night, the Thin King has a lot to answer for!