Tag: humour

Funny as Feck!

The Indecisive Eejit16 Comments

Daily Prompt: Funny Ha-Ha
Do you consider yourself funny? What role does humor play in your life? Who’s the funniest person you know?

Had I been asked 15 months ago if I thought I was funny, I would probably have answered yes. Right here and now, well I’m not so sure I am anymore, life’s kinda gotten in the way and I miss my funny!

When the whole Alien Leg incident happened, I didn’t quite know what to do with myself. I went from working all the time, to doing nothing in the space of a 20 second fall.

I got depressed. I was stuck indoors 24/7 and usually up the stairs, constantly worrying about what was going to happen to me, what was going to happen with work, was I going to walk again, was I going to die on the operating table, you have no idea, my mind is like an Ariston, it goes on and on and on, and it always errs towards the side of worst case scenario. I didn’t have my friends to interact with.   I lost a little bit of my funny.

As things started to get better leg ways and life returned to some kind of normality regarding my return to work etc, I started to morph into a housewife. That’s not so unusual says you, it is when you’re not fecking married says I!

I live with my folks, my Mum has stroke damage and I only realised how bad it had become when I was at home everyday to see for myself. I’d always done the housework, on a Saturday, before I headed off for a 10 hour night shift. But as soon as I was able to make it down the stairs after my accident I was kind of pushed into the role of cooking, of course I knew it was going to happen, I just didn’t think it would be so soon. At the start the understanding was I would cook Monday to Friday, but not at the weekends, because at some stage I was going to have to return to my part time job, now I cook Monday to Saturday and Sundays are starting to filter in too, along with the washing and ironing. I lost a bit more of my funny.

One of my friends pretty much told me the other day that I am always moody, and do you know what, they are right. These days I am. I’m sure if you ask Udders and the rest of the gang they will tell you that I am not quite the same person I was before, I’m not, and I know it myself. A lot of days I find it hard to cope, especially when Alien Leg is throwing her two cents in.

My funny is still there, I know it is. It makes brief appearances every now and again. Perhaps I am only now passing through the tail wind of the last 15 months and things will return to normal. I sure hope so, because I love to make people laugh and smile.

I know some of my readers on here have said I already do make them laugh and smile, and every time they do a little bit of my funny returns. But they don’t realise that along with my friends they have been an important key in my recovery.

When I do fully reconnect with my funny y’all better beware!

World Police and Fire Games

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WPFG

Craic – (Pronounced crack) Means great fun, good banter, a good laugh. i.e. “We were at the pub last night and the craic was mighty!”

So for anyone that didn’t know, the World Police and Fire Games were held in Northern Ireland this year.

It was a strange sight to see police officers dandering about without a care in the world, their occupation blazoned across their backs. Well it was certainly strange for here anyway, given our unusual situation.

According to the news reports a good time was had by all, people loved our little country, some even electing to stay a little longer and sightsee when the hype was over and the games had finished.

Being a constant worrier I don’t watch the news much, but one night I happened to catch a snippet of a report about a married couple, who were FBI and had travelled over for the games. The reporter when finishing the interview advised them to visit some of the local pubs and enjoy the craic. I’m not sure the gentleman understood what she was meaning, but he laughed and said he would indeed.

Fast forward a week and the same gentleman is being interviewed after completing his event and saying how much both he and his wife were enjoying the trip, so the reporter asks, and this is not word for word cos I have the memory of a Goldfish, “Did you manage to find any craic?”, to which the gentleman replied, “I’m not sure I would want my bosses to hear me saying on television that I enjoyed craic whilst I was in Northern Ireland.”

Oh how I laughed! Good on ye sir! Would be especially embarrassing if you worked for the DEA!

Office Crimes and Misdemeanors!

The Indecisive Eejit16 Comments

An Office Full of Eejits
The Tinsel Twit will tell everyone within earshot, that she is bullied, and that the person who bullies her is yours truly.

I will tell everyone in earshot that I am bullied, and that the person who bullies me is the Tinsel Twit.

The Diamond Dancer says we are both dick heads and need to wise up!

The whole thing is hilarious to be  honest.  It’s a good job that all the fighting is only in jest.

The Tinsel Twit will sit like a little woodpecker for a period of 15 minutes, constantly rapping on my brain, peck, peck, peck and then when I can take no more and tell her to shut her cheeper, she starts to fake cry saying she’s being bullied. The woman is worthy of an oscar sometimes for her performances. She hides behind the computer screen, sniggering, fake crying and crossing her legs because she is on the very of edge of literally peeing her pants!! Everyone in the office then reprimands me and tells me it’s terrible how I bully poor wee Tinsel Twit, gawd love her, and I should be ashamed of myself. Then they all laugh, usually at me!

Just last week, when we (Tinsel Twit and I) came back from making coffee, we realised we had forgotten to make a cup for Speedy, so she says “She forgot about you, I’ll go and make you a cup now.” In she walks to the kitchen, hands his cup to me and says make Speedy tea, I’m away to the loo!” She’s crafty, she bullies me when no one is around.

When you were young did you ever have your lunch stolen by one of the older kids, well the Tinsel Twit is much better at it.  She has perfected her craft. She’ll sit and look at your food longingly telling you how hungry she is, her stomach in synch with the scam, growling in all the appropriate places. On a few occasions she has eaten half of mine and when I have remarked that I could have eaten another, her reply was “So could I, make sure you bring more tomorrow.” How could you not laugh at that!!

Seriously though, it’s all in jest and the laughter certainly lifts the mood and makes the day go quicker!

Actual bullying in the workplace should never be tolerated, I’ve been a victim of it and it’s not very nice!

The Office Eejits!

The Indecisive Eejit2 Comments

An Office Full of EejitsWhen you consider how much of our lives we spend in work it’s very easy to become bored with the mundane every day routine.

I have always been blessed with having fantastic work colleagues, who not only provide entertainment, but also counselling, advice, smiles and a vast array of other skills that can be called upon if required.

My main counterpart until recently was “Udders”. I have named her this, as she has a couple of features that stand out, especially with the male of the species. Aside from this though, she also has moments of being udderly ridiculous, which provides no end of entertainment for myself and my colleagues. She also has the knack of being able to cheer me up when all udders fail!

Due to office restructuring, she had to relocate to another department, leaving behind a space that few could fill. Despite the move however, she remains a huge presence in my life and has made it her life’s ambition to find new ways to torture me, thank goodness!

Monkey was another one, she abandoned us for pastures new many years ago, but has still remained in contact.  She’s the baby of the bunch, the hip cool and trendy one.

Udders and Monkey are my dinner crew and there is never a dull moment. We’re like the three degrees…..of insanity!

The office I am currently in is large and spacious, with plenty of through traffic on a daily basis. My colleagues are as mad as a box of frogs, which certainly helps the days pass, however it’s getting to the point where we may have to consider putting an “Enter at your own risk” sign on the door. Anyone who is brave enough to enter is fair game, it is certainly not for the faint hearted.

The Tinsel Twit, who I mentioned before, is a little like a controllable light bulb, sometimes she can be a little dim, but when she’s on full power she will just blind you with brilliance. The best part is, that she has no idea how funny she actually is, it just rolls off her tongue as we roll about the floor laughing.

Today our big boss called in for a visit. When it was time to leave, he headed towards the door and was standing at the side of the Diamond Dancers desk, dressed from head to toe in motorcycle leathers. So the Tinsel Twit looks at him and says “You on your bike the day then?”, we all burst out laughing and the boss, after looking himself up and down says in the most deadpan voice ever, “No!” So she says “I never saw your helmet,” at which point we again erupted. Trying to make amends she quickly followed it with, “I thought it was just your quirky dress sense!”

Way to go Tinsel Twit, you’ll be getting no £10 deposit for the Christmas dinner from him!

There are so many more stories to tell and you will meet the whole crew in due course. I only hope they give you as much entertainment as they do me.

Shameless plug warning – Feel free to stop reading!!

The Geeky G4mer has a new Facebook Page and would love for you all to like it. You can view it HERE!

The Joys of Modern Travel Part 4!!

The Indecisive Eejit6 Comments

There seems to be a bit of a theme developing here, however I am aware that at some stage I am going to have to change the record and move on! Not tonight though, there are a few words still to be spoken.

Mini Rant Number 1

Anyone who knows me is aware of the fact that I have recently undergone knee surgery. Actually anyone who doesn’t know me would probably also be able to guess that there is something not quite right with me, but for the most part now I am back on my feet and walking, I look relatively normal. I no longer have to avail of the use of a crutch or walking aid. Good news you say, and yes considering the state I was in 7 months ago it certainly is.

However is it not so good when trying to travel by train.

The other morning, the the trauma of having to walk from the car park to the train platform had really taken it’s toll! Ok, slight exaggeration, my leg was a little sore so I needed to sit down..happy now! So I’m the first person on the platform, but pretty soon others start to filter out.

So over the speaker comes the announcement about the next train leaving Platform 1, blah, blah, blah. I gather myself together, make sure I have all my belongings and step forward on the platform. After almost 20 years travelling back and forth I am a pretty good judge of where the train usually stops, for the carriage I want anyway and sure enough it slows down. Now on these new fangled trains opening the door is almost a two person operation. The doors are so wide that the button to open them is a fair bit to the left of the door. A kind gentlemen who is a little closer to the left hand side than I, steps over to hit the button and my bad leg and I step forward to grab the rail and hoist ourselves onto the train. Then out of nowhere comes this…well I was going to call her a young lady…but…this young lass just barges in between us both and onto the train, actually pushing us out of the way slightly. I’m not a violent person in any shape form or fashion, but right at that moment I had a clear vision in my minds eye of me pulling her by the pony tail and hauling her ass back off the train.

It happens at other times too. The train pulls into the station and the people from the platform are trying to barge their way past the throng trying to come off. Now I’m no rocket scientist but would it not make sense to let it empty a little before you try to embark, increasing your chance of finding a seat ffs! In fact would it not be a common courtesy to just wait until the others disembark!

Mini Rant Number 2

Which leads me nicely into my second foray into rantdom! Seats.  Some days there are just not enough of them.

Now that is not exactly the rail company’s fault. I mean unless you have physic powers how would you ever be able to know how many people are going to travel. Ok sure, look at peak times and try and address those issues! But for the most part you can always get a seat somewhere.

Unless of course someone has placed their bag, coat, mobile phone, briefcase, hat, scarf and kitchen sink on the spare seat beside them. I mean, hellllooooooo did you pay for that extra seat?? Cos see if you didn’t, get yer shit picked up and make way for the irate woman with the bad leg who wants to sit down!! And you can stop giving me that pinched face look too, you only bought a ticket not the whole dam train!

Mini Rant Number 3

And last but not least, access onto the platform itself!

As a result of said knee surgery I am at present unable to descend stairs. I can climb up them, albeit with a lot of effing, blinding, grunts and groans but for some reason going down eludes me.

The station I depart from at home time is underneath a bridge…sort of. Being unable to do the stairs I have to walk about 50 yards further and head down a ramp which I am guessing they class as a wheelchair ramp. My advice,  if you’re in a wheelchair avoid it at all costs, that fecker is steep. You lose grip or your brakes fail and you’re on a one way ticket to tracksville! Anyone hanging onto the back of you is going to fly like a kite! Go another 50 yards further on and down through the car park, it will be a much more pleasant journey, I promise! That’s what I now do.

I never realised until I hit that hill how much of a toll surgery had taken on my muscles. I was kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place, finding it really difficult to hold myself back and scared witless I was going to topple forward. I eventually made it down but I was practically doubled over hanging off the hand rail. People had joked with me when I went back to work about me carrying walking poles and I had laughed and said I’ve just got rid of crutches, but I could have done with them that day! Obviously as the days go by and the more I walk the strength returns and I shall soon use the hill as exercise, but I will proceed with caution and take a parachute!

I’ve lust let Paul proof read this post and his response was that I am going to get known as a train hater. To which I replied, I’m not a train hater though, I love the train, it’s just paying for it and some of the other passengers are the problem :)