You’ll never guess what happened last night. Go on ask me, I know you want to. You’ll never guess though. I only went on a date ffs, as in a real live date, he was breathing and everything, total bonus.

I met him through a girl in work, ok when I say met, what I mean is we trawled through pictures in her mobile phone of every male she knows and I selected him. Wine had been consumed so it was more like a drunken stabbing and a slurred ‘he’ll do fine’.

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