Ode to Candy Crush

candycrushsagalogoCandy Crush is doing my head in,
This is the worst it’s ever been,
The baffling combinations,
Are turning me 50 shades of green.

No matter how I use the sweets,
Be it stripe or be it wrap,
The bombs they come a tumbling
And turn my hopes and dreams to crap.

It’s messing with my blood pressure
In fact its messing with my life,
Absailing down Niagra Falls
Wouldn’t give me this much strife.

But I’ve now found the solution,
It will ease the mess I’m in,
Toffette has been abandoned
And my Nexus 7’s in the bin!!

Candy Crush – Sweet Search Terms II

Lots More Candy Crush Craziness!
Lots More Candy Crush Craziness!

I’m still laughing every day at the search terms that bring people to my blog with regards to Candy Crush. The whole world seriously has gone mad!

I have to be truthful and say that of late I have not been playing as much. This is for a couple of reasons:

  • Level 347 is a complete and utter bubbling pile of dung! (Wait, did I just experience a rush of  Candy Crush rage). Normally when you’re stuck or have been stuck on a level for a while you can at least see little flashes of hope. Not on this level, it’s a hope sucker extravaganza. It’s got so bad that I don’t even really want to try any more.
  • Since I started the whole blogging thing I’ve been adding witty, smart, entertaining and educating people to my Blogs I Follow list and they have been amusing me on my journeys to and from work! (Note to Blogs I Follow: Posting your pennings around 8am GMT would be just perfect for me, if you could thrown in a couple around 5.30pm too, better still! )

So here are some more Sweet Search Terms:

  • Candy Crush Rehab – You know I started out way back when thinking this was funny, but now I am starting to think there actually are a few (million) people out there who might indeed need to be collected by men in coloured, candy stripe clothing and taken for some counseling.
  • I have no photographs of my friends on Candy Crush – You’ll probably find that’s because no one will set it down long enough in order to take one.
  • Candy Crush Saga Subliminal Messages – See!! I’m not the only one who thinks this is a world wide conspiracy to fry our brains from the inside out. I don’t know about you lot, but I should be ok. I’m pretty sure it’s impossible to fry fresh air!
  • Candy Crush Flu – I’m thinking the symptoms are more anxiety, self loathing related. You’re feeling anxious because you cannot get past a level and you’re full of self loathing because you cannot quite believe something as stupid as a game is making you feel anxious. It’s a vicious circle that is sending you subliminal messages at the same time. Step away!!
  • Why I feel depressed after playing Candy Crush – Because you’ve just realised you have wasted valuable minutes, hours and days of your life and you can’t quite understand why you suddenly have this strange desire to go to McDonald’s for a Bacon & Cheese Burger with extra Gherkins!
  • Telephone number to contact Candy Crush – 0800 H-E-L-P-M-E-P-L-E-A-S-E
  • Do you get aids playing Candy Crush – Even though there is bodily contact, heavy breathing and twiddling of knobs, I am pretty sure the answer is NO!
  • Can I connect Candy Crush to Facebook without anyone knowing – Shame on you! Face your addiction.
  • Why my mouse could not play Candy Crush – I’m not really sure why this was. Did you set the device the right way up in the cage and make sure it was not covered with sawdust? I’m at a bit of a loss, because clearly your mouse is more intelligent than you!
  • Can I play candy crush naked – Two things bother me about this. Why do you feel the need to ask, you complete and utter exhibitionist. If you want to let it all hang out, you work away! Secondly why did it lead you to my blog. I SWEAR I have never played Candy Crush naked, I would never subject poor little Tofette to something like that!

Candy Crush – Sweet Search Terms!

Candy Crush

I just love checking out the Search Engine Terms on my Stats Page. Some of them are hilarious, but none more so that the Candy Crush ones, so my sweet addicted pals, here is my take on your searches:

  • Candy Crush – Do you really have to wait 24 hours between quests? : No you don’t! You initially get 5 lives, you lose one every time you fail a level. You gain a new life every 30 minutes (on my app anyways), however if you are connected to Facebook you can hound your friends until they eventually send you one just to shut you up.
  • Candy Crush for Xbox? – Not out yet as far as I know. Not even sure if it ever will be. Please don’t release it on another platform or I’ll be a total lost cause!
  • Candy Crush 7 Windows Firewall Setting? – Say wha?! is there something I am missing here, can it be played somewhere else on a PC bar Facebook?
  • Candy Crush Mistakes – The biggest mistake of all is ever starting to play the damn game!
  • Candy Crushing Equipment – Usually your teeth are the best weapon, however your dentist is going to be none to happy! With regards to the game, I have noticed additional tools are not available on the Apps, however when the game is played via the PC you can get various Candy Crushing aids to help you on your quest, one, funnily enough being a set of teeth!
  • Candy Crush Depression – I’m suffering it at the minute for two reasons. The first is I am again stuck, level 323 this time, it’s a total nightmare. It makes me want to jump up and down, curse, scream and bounce my shiny Google Nexus against a wall. The second reason is, when I reach the end of this pathway there is a Spanner. I can go no further. No more Candy Crush. FFS. Well not until they build the next levels anyway.
  • I think Candy Crush may be taking over my life – If you’re worried enough to Google it then you are probably correct. But admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. Welcome to the fold!
  • Tickets to Candy Crush – Ask your friends or buy them. Remember though buying things can be VERY costly. It might not seem like much at the time but it all adds up. I personally pester people on Bakebook.
  •  Addicted to candy crush saga, wanna learn how to make a candy crush cake – So am I! I don’t wanna learn how to make a cake though, sorry, but I’ll certainly help you eat that bad boy!
  • Goodbye Candy Crush. Before it’s to late. Uninstalled – This one has to be the winner! It’s so dramatic. Wonder how long they lasted.

Keep them coming, I love having a giggle at the things people search for which ultimately leads them to my Blog!

Picture Credit – Ian Hughes (click the picture for his link)