Blue Monday continues..

I had no knowledge of blue Monday until the tail end of last week, but when I heard the reasoning I could understand why it was named so. Apparently ‘blue Monday’ is meant to be the most depressing day of the year. It was, and somehow the sneaky fecker managed to weave itself into the tail end of last week and today as well. It’s legacy lives on. 

I did feel blue yesterday and there were various times throughout the day when the air was blue too. I’m blaming cigarettes, or to be more precise my lack of same. 

The first week and a half was challenging health ways as I battled headaches, nausea, coughing and cravings, only small ones though that tapped at my head like a lazy Woodpecker. 

By the middle of the second week despite the fact that my headaches were easing slightly I soon realised the honeymoon period was over as the Woodpecker struck with jackhammer like ferocity. I imagined it to be making pencils (who the feck knows why) that I then wanted to use to stab anyone who came within a 2ft radius of me. 

I had the rage and I had it bad, but thankfully I was able to contain it and make it to the end of the week without being arrested. 

Then came the tears. I mean ffs there is more going on here than Bertie and his bassets, I was experiencing all sorts! The 20 million symptom checkers I consulted were not far wrong in their estimations that quitting smoking could be the cause of feeling down in dumps. 

Ok so to be fair, there are other things going on here too. I’m finding work pretty stressful, the last two months seem to be catching up on me and I generally feel pretty useless. It’s a lot to be going on with and in hindsight perhaps trying to tackle everything all at once was not a great idea. 

That said, the ghost of nicotine past is really playing with my emotions. There is a good chance it is also playing with my sanity too, I mean you should have seen the look I got from  the girl at the train station when I asked her to blow the smoke from her cigarette in my face. Random I know, but it quelled the craving and calmed my homicidal tendencies so it was well worth it!

I shall tame this monster, we’ve been battling head on now for 18 days, 21 hours, 7 minutes and 41 seconds, not that I’m counting. It’s definitely a struggle, but I am determined to give it my best shot. 

Cold turkey was always something I really looked forward to after Christmas, it’s lovely in a sandwich with a little lettuce and potato salad, now though it has new meaning. It means I have to carry on with this quest without the assistance of patches, gum or any other type of nicotine supplement. Why I hear you ask (if you’re nosey), well because I never want to go through this kind of cold turkey ever again.

2017 is the year and I’ve started step one! When I figure out what comes next I’ll let you know. I didn’t even realise until today I was on a ladder.

Wish me luck, I bloody well need it!

Please note no persons or pencils were harmed in the making of this post…well, not yet anyway! 

Happy New Year

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Most years I try to write something as one year passes into another and this year should be no different. It’s not that I am bitter or anything, but I certainly won’t be sad to see the back end of 2016.

This won’t be a long post as sadly tonight finds me suffering from some kind of bug or other, my second dose within the last month, which leaves me unable to stay upright for long periods of time. Certainly not the fresh start I hoped for 2017, but I’d be grateful to be proved wrong.

2016 was certainly a year of many ups and downs, not only in the world in general but also in my personal life. It wasn’t all bad, I finally made steps towards getting counselling which can only be a good thing, for my mental well being anyway. It was however the year we lost the Mothership after her battle with dementia. There is no doubt things are different, in fact sometimes it still does not feel real, but we just have to adjust and get on with things as best we can in the hope that each day gets easier. She certainly wouldn’t want me moping, so I need to give myself a good kick up the arse when I do. I hope the saying about time being a great healer is true.

In terms of blogging I have pretty much been absent this year, the first half being dominated by looking after Mum and then since November grieving for her, I wasn’t in the right head space to put very many words to paper. I’m not even going to promise that I will improve next year, I’m just going to go with the flow and see what happens.

So let me wish you all a Happy New Year and here’s to 2017, let’s hope it’s better :)