The Joys of Modern Travel – Part 7 – Karma

July 8, 2013January 6, 2015 The Indecisive Eejit2 Comments

Karma is a law in Hinduism which maintains that every act done, no matter how insignificant, will eventually return to the doer with equal impact

Ticket day today….so what would you like first, the good news, or the bad news!

There was no one at the station again, so I had my usual two options, jump off at a manned station, purchase ticket, jump back on and away we go or jump off at a manned station, take my time, have a cup of coffee, kick back and relax and wait for the next one. I opted for the former, after all I did have to get to work.

After my previous encounters with the guards at the station and on the train where they had apologised for not waiting, I felt assured that today there would be no repeat performance. I spoke to them on the way through and said I need to go and get my ticket and they nodded as there was a gentleman in front of me in a similar position. He went first and paid for his and as I stepped forward to the counter I heard the all to familiar noise of the doors closing and the train departing from the station. “Ah feck” says I, rolling my eyes and thinking not again.

So I was a little miffed to say the least but it’s not like I could run up the track screaming and waving my fists now is it, so best to concentrate on the task at hand.

“Is there any truth in the rumour we get an extra day on our tickets because of the strike last month?” I asked. Being miffed had made me a little braver than normal. “No, no truth in that rumour but if you give me a second or two I will tell you what you can get” was the reply and he proceeded to stab the shoite clean out of his wee calculator. “You get a £3.80 discount” he said looking a little ashamed. “Fair enough, I’m happy enough with that” I replied and watched the relief wash over his face. Anything is better than nothing.

So with my ticket bought, 30 minutes to kill and at a loss for something to do I did indeed purchase a cup of coffee and wandered out to the platform to kick back and relax.

Whilst sipping my coffee and enjoying the sunshine I happened to notice that the train I had vacated not 15 minutes previously was sitting further up the line at the next station, which is not more than 3 minutes away from where I was. At this point I actually did consider running up the track, arms a flailing screaming WAIT!!!! at the top of my voice, but a sharp twinge from Alien Leg brought me sharply back to reality.

After another 5 minutes or so I began to realise something was wrong and that’s when the notion of karma hit me. The conductor didn’t wait so his train had broken down, was it really so bad that I had a little inward chuckle! After another 5 minutes it disappeared off into the distance, albeit at a very slow pace.

My next train pulled in and we started on our journey. Two stops along we picked up all the passengers from my original train.

It turns out there were 3 faults on the train when it left the first station. They called a mechanic to travel on board the train and proceeded with the journey, sadly not making it past the 7th station. Would it not just have been better to send out another train in the first place ffs.

No offence but your announcements of NIR apologises for the delay and inconvenience it may cause, is, as my mate would say a bit like shouting toilet after you’ve shit yourself!

Can you not read!!

July 3, 2013July 14, 2013 The Indecisive EejitLeave a comment

Closed means closed, shut, not open, go away!!

I’ve put a sign on the door. In big letters it says “Closed for Lunch”. It’s in bold. It’s placed at a central position on the door at eye level. In fact it’s pretty damn obvious! Since placing it there I have had to answer the door 4 times! Is there some part of closed that these people are not understanding!!

I’m aware that makes me sound unhelpful but let me explain the whole situation before you make any rash judgements in relation to my good (honest I am) character!

I work in a closed office, heaven knows why, some bright spark needs a slap for that idea. There is no access to anyone other than the handful of us who work here. Anyone else wishing to gain access to the office has to knock and wait until someone presses a button to open the door. Here in lies the problem.

The office is a fair size, it holds 9 of us on days when it is full. The button is located a couple of steps from the door and I sit in the corner (usually wearing a dunce cap) furthest from them both.

(Back again, guess what, yep, had to answer the fecking door!!)

When everyone decides to go out for lunch I am usually the only one left, not because everyone hates me and they don’t want me to go, but because I am working funny hours due to Alien Leg.

I place the sign on the door because while I quite like eating my lunch hot it also saves me having to continually get up and down to answer the door, which believe it or not makes Alien Leg really sore.

I’ve been trying to teach myself to use the stairs. Man that’s hard when your leg has more crunch than a packet of Tayto Cheese n Onion. It’s not going terribly well and because of that I’m in more pain that I have been for a while.

Hauling myself out of my chair every 5 mins really puts an extra strain on it that I don’t need. When others are here at least the burden is shared between us all.

Right rant over! I’ve run out of steam, both physically and mentally and I have to go back to work, lunch time is well and truly over….well the whole 15 minutes I got of it!!!

Making room!

July 1, 2013July 14, 2013 The Indecisive Eejit4 Comments

I have a cupboard in my room which contains two shelves of basically nothing.

Old padded envelopes, empty CD cases, packing tape, labels and other things that need to be put onto Ebay.

A few years back I decided I needed to de clutter, basically I was passing my prized possessions on to someone who would now have more use for them. You have to be ruthless, because sometimes you want to hold onto things for the memories they hold for you.

Last night I sold two live albums I had for the band the Eels. I didn’t want to let them go, but I need the money for other things and realistically it had been a while since I listened to them, so I figured it was time to give someone else a chance.

Ebaying has got expensive. While I was happy with what the CD’s sold for, by the time I paid my fees, lost the commission Paypal take and paid postage I lost about £7 from the final price. That said it is still more than I would have got had I used one of the online retailers.

I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion I am a minimalist. I dislike clutter. I want to be in a position where everything is in it’s place and there is a place for everything. Which means more Ebay’ing I guess. But all of that is time consuming and with Alien leg still under par, irksome, as the nearest post office to my work is about a mile away down a long hill.

It’ll be a long haul, but it will be worth it. I just need to be careful I don’t use the money to buy more clutter to fill my emptying shelves.

The Joys of Modern Travel – Part 6!

June 27, 2013January 6, 2015 The Indecisive Eejit2 Comments

There are four seats just inside the door of the train labeled for pregnant ladies and possibly disabled persons. I’ve been looking at the little drawing for days and am having trouble figuring out exactly what it is, although there is no doubt about the pregnancy one, unless of course it’s for someone with a beer belly and I am totally mistaken.

Usually I avail of one of these seats, they have a little more leg room for the days when Alien leg decides she does not want to bend! I do of course move should someone more deserving come along!

This morning I was beaten to it by a couple who were obviously in the middle of a marital spat as they opted not to sit together, but take one set of two each. Fair enough thinks I, they are older and more deserving so I pottered on and managed to shoe horn myself into one of the smaller ones.

It took a minute or two coaching an appropriate bend out of Little Miss Awkward but eventually I got settled and pulled out the tablet to avail of the excellent free WIFI services!

Just as I was about to open up my WordPress Reader and get knuckled into the morning offerings the conductor says “Sorry folks, I have to ask you to move into the next carriage. We have school children coming aboard and we need to seat them all together”. I swore inwardly. Somehow I managed to heave myself back up, bones a creaking and moved down a little asking the conductor if I was allowed to sit in the chairs at the bottom of the carriage as there were still some seats available. Thankfully he said yes, although that may have had a lot to do with the stricken look on my face.

I like kids. They are cute, funny little individuals, who make you smile.

I don’t however like 50 of the wee beggars all at once, screaming at the top of their voices because they are super excited about being on a train. At one point I was going to stand up and start singing “The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round” in a bid to get them to join in and hopefully stop the wailing. Instead I stuck in headphones and jacked up the volume. They were only going two stops anyway.

The journey continued. Music blaring. Kids blaring. Headache starting.

Two stops later we’re approaching the station where the kids are due to depart and I see them lined up on the platform, the most feared group to travel on the railways, the ones who make even the conductors quake in their steel toe capped boots…..The Gangsta Granny Brigade!!

Armed with their free passes, red lipstick and deadly handbags they line the platform and flatten anyone within zimmer frame distance.

Get out of Grandma's way or pay the price! — Get out of Grandma’s way or pay the price!

If you’ve read my blog before you will remember in Part 4 , I had a mini rant about people barging on and off trains. The Gangsta Grannies are the worst offenders. They didn’t just get old, they got fiesty and they are prepared to fight for the right to enter trains before everyone else has had a chance to exit. I’ve seen a fair few young men and women too for that matter get a good skelp with a handbag.

So the teachers are trying to get everyone organised to get off. The kids are jumping up and down squealing with excitement. The grannies are flailing their handbags around like human windmills and knocking kids awry like pins in a bowling alley and the conductor is descending the stairs to the depths of despair. It was all pretty good fun actually, and evil me, it brought a smile to my face!

Eventually everything got sorted and I have to say my heart did melt a little at the sight of all the kids in a line with their colourful little waterproof coats and wellie boots, all smiles and waving at us as we left them behind.

I didn’t listen to anymore songs after that on the old Ipod. I was to busy silently chuckling, while listening to the conductor rant about the Gangsta Grannies and how they would mow down anyone in their path.

He did however make a valid point, if the younger generation were to barge on through like that the GG’s would be the first to complain!

Respect has to be earned!

Life is a Lottery!

June 22, 2013July 14, 2013 The Indecisive Eejit7 Comments

Fingers crossed for the Geek!

A while ago I started playing the lottery online. It was so much easier, deposit £10 and get your tickers for the next 4 weeks, no temptation to purchase a sneaky scratch card.

I don’t even really like playing the lottery. I used to buy lucky dips every now and again and that was about it. About 6 months ago Shady and I picked 6 numbers and I’ve been playing them ever since. It’s almost got to the stage I am scared not to play in case the dam numbers come up, with a lucky dip you would never have that worry.

What would you do if you won the lottery?

I wouldn’t want to win millions and millions of pounds. I don’t believe that money can buy happiness, it’s brought me nothing but misery, my own fault of course.

First things first I’d have to buy his nibs a ticket from the USA to Dublin cos that’s the cheapest direct flight, I might be a millionaire, but I’m still going to be sensible. We’d bum around Dublin for a while checking out the sights and supping pints of Guinness before we headed North.

I’d pay all my bills so I did not owe anyone in the whole wide world a single penny.

I’d give money to my family for them to spend as they pleased. If I won enough I’d pay off a few mortgages to make life a little sweeter.

I’d give Lee £10,000 to spend on gadgets and technology. I’d also give him a box of tissues, he tends to drool over shiny electronic items! He uses tissues for other things too but you really do NOT want to know!

I’d buy Paul a TV licence so he didn’t have to watch programs 7 days behind the rest of us. I’d have to be creative about how I helped him out. Were I just to hand him a wad of cash he’d head to the pub darts in hand! Worse still, he might buy a pub!!

I’d buy a medium sized house, that would have a games room. Shady and I have had so much fun talking about how we’d kit it out. We never usually get much farther than pinball tables, lots of lovely pinball tables. There’d be a wall of TV’s with one of every kind of console attached. A full sized, sit in Sega Rally and OutRun, a huge jukebox, a pool table and an air hockey table. Shelves all around the room would house my recently purchased collection of game character models, my Final Fantasy collection being the first to reach completion.

There would be a secret panel in the wall to conceal my little fetish room. Wall to wall stationary. Paper, pens, notebooks, journals, memo blocks, post it notes……I might need a tissue myself soon! What can I say, I’m a freak! I LOVE stationary, it makes me all google eyed!

Whats the reality?

I’d probably win a tenner and lose the ticket on the way to cash it in!

But a girl can dream!

If money was no object, what would you buy?

Entertaining Journeys!

June 16, 2013January 6, 2015 The Indecisive EejitLeave a comment

The last couple of days travel has been interesting to say the least.

Friday night my Sis and I headed into the big smoke for a dander around and a cup of coffee. When it came to heading home time we walked up for the train, found ourselves a table and made ourselves comfortable.

There was a gentleman sitting in the table across the aisle from us, but neither of us really paid him any attention. That is until he picked up his phone and decided to make a call. Trains vary between different places, but the space inside a carriage would be relatively uniform across the board. My point, well it’s far to easy to hear a conversation, I personally hate making calls on a train. It’s easier still when the caller is making no attempt to be private.

So there we were minding our own business, chatting away to each other when this guy says to the person he was calling, and not particularly quietly either, “How’s your shite”. My sis and I just looked at each other in a quizzical, did we just hear right kind of way. We had, so of course we started to laugh. Unabashed he carried on, a full conversation about bowel movements and how it was good when they returned to their normal colour and how you had to check the consistency and that was only the start. By this time my sister and I had both lost it, you know how it is, the harder you try not to laugh, the more you do. He had to know we were laughing at him, infact by this time he was laughing too, we’re just not sure if it was at us laughing at him or with the person on the phone.

By this point I had actually turned around in my seat to face the window in an attempt to calm myself down and stop laughing but nothing was working, my sides were starting to hurt and tears were streaming down my sisters face.

Thankfully my phone rang and it was Shady. I was never so glad to get a call in my whole life. I haven’t even had a chance to tell him about this yet, but because I was talking to him I was able to tune out the other guy and eventually calm down.

He wasn’t even embarrassed. I said to my Sister afterwards that I bet there wasn’t even anyone on the phone.

Today I get on the train to go home, (it must be something about that line), and there is a guy merrily chatting away. I figured he was with his kid, this being fathers day and all. I could hear him saying of course I’ll teach you to fly and to be fair I was a little bemused by this until I realised he was on his own and was actually talking to a little model Concord airplane that he kept repeatedly tapping against his forehead.

I think I’ll need a little bit of time to recover before I take that train line again!!

I Obviously Wasn’t a Sun Baby!

June 7, 2013July 14, 2013 The Indecisive EejitLeave a comment

I’ve been running around all day like the Wicked Witch of the West crying “I’m melting”, seriously, it’s just too fecking warm.

For someone whose favorite colour is black the sun is a nightmare, black sucks up the heat faster than a Dyson can suck dust! I walk around looking like I am suffering from permanent embarrassment, as my face is more beetroot than a..well…umm…a..well I guess a beetroot!

I am envious of people who are comfortable enough in their own skin to wear barely there shorts and little tees, pretty dresses and shades. I’m in my uniform of jeans and black tee and I’m melting.

I’m not sure it would be good for my work colleagues if I turned up showing skin, they would all need sunglasses to protect them from the brilliant white sheen of my untanned legs. When exposed to the sun they go a glorious shade of rip roaring red and then back to white.

Redheads may indeed have more fun, but not in the sun!

The Curse of the Cold Caller!

June 1, 2013July 14, 2013 The Indecisive Eejit12 Comments

2607596779_dbec7fae5f_n — “Here Madge, I think she just told me to Feck Aff!”

Cold calling is the marketing process of approaching prospective customers or clients—typically via telephone, by email or through making a connection on a social network—who were not expecting such an interaction. The word “cold” is used because the person receiving the call is not expecting a call or has not specifically asked to be contacted by a sales person.

I detest cold calling and everything about it. Even more so I hate the companies who promote it, either by selling or passing on our details.

I had a call today on my folks number asking for me. The gentleman told me he was going to do a survey and it would only take two minutes to complete. Well that was a lie!

Because I did not have a chance to get a word in edge ways I found myself partaking in the survey whether I wanted to or not.

The enemy, referred to hereafter as T.E proceeded to rhyme off all my details, name, address and phone number. I was a little taken a back and asked how he had been able to obtain them. I got a garbled reply that made me none the wiser. From that point on I was on the defensive.

I don’t intentionally like being rude to people, but I find it hard to restrain myself when confronted by pushy arrogance. I know these people are only doing the job they are paid to do and lets be honest it is probably not a very easy job considering the abuse they must take, however, some have no respect for privacy and their unrelenting forwardness is enough to make you want to slam down the phone there and then.

T.E in a vain attempt to butter me up said I sounded young and he needed my Date of Birth to continue. I promptly told him I did not feel comfortable supplying that information or in fact continuing with the survey and this led to a 5 minute debate while he tried to wangle out of me my age bracket at least. He says I sound very young for 65. In my defense I was getting annoyed, so that may have been the first of many little white lies! Most other people would have probably hung up.

There then followed a barrage of questions; would I donate to this, would I donate to that, do I own a washing machine, have I ever had PPI, have I ever had an accident and not claimed, am I healthy and so it went on. From what I can recall I have been married 5 times, own 4 washing machines, a house, a yacht and the household earnings are off the scale.

They don’t need to know that the only thing of value I possess is a 5 year old Xbox. My alternate reality is much more fabulous and exciting.

T.E then foolishly asked if I would be agreeable to other people contacting me with offers that may interest me. WRONG QUESTION!! I went off like a rocket on fireworks night. I told him in no uncertain terms that I certainly did mind him passing on my details for other people to contact me, telling him this was not even my number. I explained also that my mother, who is unwell, found it distressing to receive these calls and that I was trying to get them stopped not promote them. I think he got the message, I have his assurances he will not pass on my details. I have a feeling that may have been his second lie.

I’ve contacted British Telecom, enrolled in their privacy scheme and also signed up for the Telephone Preference Service but nothing seems to stop these pests.

If you are a cold calling center employee then my apologies. It is nothing personal, but if you want me to remain calm on the phone trust that when I say No I mean No!

(Picture credit Bryce Johnson – click picture for more info)

Citizens Advice urges cold calling ban after Ofcom study (guardian.co.uk)

New Shoes!

May 28, 2013May 28, 2013 The Indecisive EejitLeave a comment

I’m in different shoes today!

Ever since I came back to work after the Alien Leg incident I have been wearing my Dr Martens. They are old, worn and slightly too big for me now, but I am used to them. Due to their solid nature I feel steadier in them…. move little stone or I will crush you with my clod hoppers!!

I also had the vein hope that the extra weight at the end of my legs would be good exercise.

This morning due to a little glimpse of sunshine I decided to put on my Converse baseball boots.

I walk differently.

I have been so used to the weight of the boots, that now when I lift my leg I am practically prancing. I expect resistance, but there is none.

I don’t however feel as steady. Little stones feel like huge mountains underfoot. With every step my knee is clicking in protest, it’s drumming out that it is not used to this and I need to slow down.

These boots were made for walking,
and that’s just what I’ll do.
But when I go home with blisters,
it’s going to leave me feeling blue!

Farewell for now Facebook!

May 26, 2013July 14, 2013 The Indecisive Eejit7 Comments

I deactivated Facebook today. I make it seem like it was such a hard thing to do. Really it wasn’t. I have no cold sweats.

With me it was a bit of a love / hate relationship. I have to hold my hand up and say I have been one of those people who when we’ve taken a funny picture has said, hurry up, get that posted. Some of our posts have been legendary, the kind of laughing that ends in tears, I have some extremely witty friends!

But on the other side I hate all the inane status posts. “I’m putting the dinner on”, “Nom Nom my dinner was lovely”, “Doing the dishes”. I mean seriously come on, who cares.

Anyone who has read my blog previously will know I play Candy Crush. It gives me something to do on my long train journeys to and from work.That said I am very conscious about not forwarding requests to the non Candy Crushers on my list as I myself know how frustrating it can be to get literally thousands of requests for games you don’t play. BEWARE Bakebook buddies, if I come back any more Farmville requests and it’ll be a mow down and not a hoedown!

It’s been about 10 hours since the big delete and I have to be honest and say I miss it, but not for the reasons you might think. I miss that I no longer have pictures for my contacts in my phone and for the fact that I will either have to rejoin or pay for plane tickets in Candy Crush if I want to progress. I’ll miss it for keeping in touch with friends and family overseas, but there is always Skype.

I won’t miss all the little behind the scenes privacy changes that you didn’t find out about until after your details have been plastered all over the net. I won’t miss my location being tagged. I won’t miss having to dodge people that I just don’t want to add because I know they will be offended by some of our unbelievable stupidity (we forget what age we are sometimes).

How long will I last? Who cares!

Image courtesy of Harco Rutgers