I didn’t write this week. I might not have written much last week either. If it makes you feel any better, I did give it some consideration, I just didn’t manage to actually do it. I am a woman who is full of good intentions.
I like the idea of writing, I always think my next piece is going to be my masterpiece. It’s probably a very good job I am not easily disappointed where my dreams are concerned.
If we were having coffee I would tell you that I finally joined Instagram. I don’t know why I have waited all this time. I’m a little like a snail, it may take longer, but I get there in the end.
I’d also tell you that I just watched some guy get his arse tattooed, thankfully however, not in real life. I am currently addicted to the TV show Tattoo Fixers.
Finally I would tell you that this is a quick update to let you know I am alive and kicking, but I am tired and need to get some sleep. I shall hopefully see you all again at the weekend!
Only yesterday I was rejoicing the fact that everyday this week the trains free WiFi has worked allowing me the opportunity to read and actually like posts on Bloglovin. I opened my mouth too soon, because today it has betrayed me. On the only journey of the week where I do not have to change trains, its has decided not to function. Bollocks!
I love the fact that on most days I am able to keep up with the outside world, but I am similarly horrified at how the predictive text or autocorrect on my phone seems to think I speak.
It has this knack, smart little bugger that it is, of changing simple words, that while it may only be one letter, add a different context to a whole sentence. Instead of being ‘on’ the loo, I am ‘in’ the loo. I know you’re wondering how I was even able to type from such a small bowl in the first place!
My friend randomly found this picture on the internet during the week and enquired if it was me. Umm yes it is, apparently my arse is a star, how could she not have known. Actually, maybe I’m just an arse!
This past few days I have actually had enough time to comment on a few posts. Like myself, not everyone is able to reply right there and then, so sometimes I need to remind myself of what I said. It’s usually at this point that overuse of the term ‘FFS’ occurs as I look with horror at how my comments have turned out. I would be first in line to petition for a way to edit my comments on someone else’s blog, not just my own.
Clearly as I type away with merry abandon I do not pay enough attention to the fact that my phone is also merrily typing its own version of my words. Those of you who read my comments must think I’m stupid….I am, but not as much as my phone would lead you to believe. Take that look off your face, I’m being serious.
So forgive me readers, for many times I have sinned against Saint Grammar, but in my defence regardless of whether it was my fault or not, I’m blaming the phone.
In the words of the almighty Bart Simpson, “I didn’t do it, no one saw me do it, you can’t prove anything!”
“Where did they go?” I turned round to ask Paul and then realised he was not there.
A sharp whinny drew my attention to the left, where I came face to nose with a horse. Not just any horse, but a Hungarian Half-Bred, not unlike the one I had been riding 2 minutes ago. Only this one was real and if it wasn’t this was some of the best CGI I had ever seen. Looking around, it was almost like I had been transported into the game.
On hearing footsteps I turned to be confronted by John Marston.
“You going to stand there all day, we have wolves to hunt. Buckle up bitch, it’s time for some real life Red Dead Redemption.”
~
(Written for Monday’s Finish the Story – click link for more information. If you’re not a gamer you may not get the reference, but this reminded me so much of a scene from the game Red Dead Redemption, that I had no other choice. 121 words, slap bang (kinda) in the middle. These are fun, give it a try!)
I wonder if you can buy inspiration in a packet, you know, kinda like you can do with some sauces. Place self in casserole dish, sprinkle with sauce and place in oven at a low heat for however long it takes for ideas to form. Let’s hope someone remembers to take me out before I get crispy.
It’s been a long but short week, if that makes any sense. I’ve achieved a lot for other people, but not really for myself. It’s been nice not being at work, however nerves are already kicking in for my return on Monday. I’ve removed some of my stress by completing tasks that needed done, which hopefully means the next time I take a few days off, I can have some to myself.
Weirdly this week, the thing that had me climbing the walls was trying to purchase a computer. I’ve had my PC for about 5 years and while it still works, when it starts up it’s like a parade of tractors advancing through my room. It’s getting slow in it’s old age too, a little like me. I’ve been keeping an eye on prices for a while and was delighted to see that Dell were offering an extra 10% off on their Inspiron computer. After discussions with the Fathership I headed onto the site to start the purchase process. Things were going well, and with the form filled in I pressed continue and was hit with an error regarding the contact telephone numbers. A little guidance was given, complete area code and then number, however despite the fact that I put the number in every way I could think of, it was not accepted.
As you can guess, I was starting to get a little frustrated at this stage, so I looked to live chat for assistance, but no, not available, despite the fact that it was still within the opening hours. Next the telephone help line, again same thing, after enduring a message informing me of said opening hours, she says thank you and hangs up. WTF!! I’m more than tetchy at this point, and commit my problem to the help desk via e-mail.
The next day I anxiously check my e-mail for a reply. I only have a few days left to avail of the discount before it disappears and had asked how I should complete the contact number in order for the site to accept it. The gentleman replies advising me he can raise an order but not telling me how to complete the number. So I reply with the details of the computer we were after. His next reply left me gutted, the computer was out of stock. After a few more e-mail exchanges I was left still not knowing how to complete the form and with a quote for a more expensive computer. I was right royally pissed at this stage, if the stupid site had worked or the helpline’s were available like they should have been I would have my computer ordered and all. Now however, the whole process has left me a little jaded and I am going to look elsewhere, so if you see any good deals let me know.
If I disappear, you’ll know that my existing computer has finally popped it’s clogs!
Sadly, this it not going to be one of those posts where you try to guess my location. I’m right where I always am, I’m just not sure who I am anymore.
I’ve found this last month or so a real struggle, I’ve been feeling a little disconnected, from pretty much everything. My anxiety levels have been through the roof, which has a knock on effect of a messed up sleep pattern, it’s a vicious circle. I still function, I do all the things I am supposed to, I keep things ticking over, and everyone fed, I go to work and the rest of the time I just feel tired. In my head the world is going to fall apart at any second and believe me, that’s not a nice feeling.
I miss the person I was. I used to be mildly funny. Perhaps in the correct setting I still could be, right now I just feel lost.
This life swamps me sometimes, the enormity of it all. I don’t think about just one person now, I have to think for two. I had trouble enough looking after myself.
I miss writing here, but I have nothing to say but this. I’m left not knowing what to do, should I wait until I have something funny to say, or should I just write everything and hope that the few people who interact don’t run for the hills. It is after all part and parcel of who I am, no one can be funny all of the time, right?!
I was cleaning out my computer of all the junk it has amassed over the last five years it has been with me. Reading through old posts left me wondering who the person who wrote them was, because it feels a world away from who I am now. If I’m also hurtling towards the menopause then I am well and truly fucked, throwing hormones into this mix is going to be about the the same as throwing a firework on a bonfire, looks out folks she’s gonna blow!
The thing is, I’ll get through it, I always do. Tomorrow I’ll get up and I’ll still function exactly as I did today. I’ll write about it and you’ll tell me stupid jokes and make me smile.
One day if I’m lucky, and you lot are incredibly unlucky I might just write a funny post again. Most likely the next one, because it is amazing how cathartic writing this shit actually is :)
Let me start with the bad jokes, to set you off on the right track:
Did you hear the one about the magic tractor? – It was driving down the road when it suddenly turned into a field!
And finally, whilst perusing Spotify this week, they were kind enough to give me a little playlist all of my very own based on the songs I listen to. One of the choices was a band called Amber Run with a song called I found which I love, however for the purposes of this post I am going to leave you with their song called Spark, simply because as the song says, I need to let the light in.
Some time ago the lovely Edwina who has episodes, again (bad girl) set me a challenge, which I am only now getting around to. I must write a paragraph without using the letter E. The actual official rules are as follows:
Write a whole paragraph (a paragraph sounds easy right?)
Without any word containing the letter “e” (still easy for ya?)
By reading this you are already signed up.
Challenge at least five bloggers to do the challenge.
Here after much thought is my effort:
This is hard! Most words contain it, but I must think of how to avoid it showing. I’m having to think hard and wrack my slow top box to skirt around it. Is this a paragraph? I pray it is, for if not I am stuck. I want to run, far away from this string of words. I would whoop, but I will finish with a shush….and go watch tv!
I am not going to nominate anyone, but this was fun, so if you would like to give it a try please feel free.
(I swear e’s kept slipping into my paragraph, if you see one, don’t tell me, I’ll be devastated lol)
Suzy is having a blog party, and everyone is welcome. It’s BYOB, only it’s blog not bottle! What better way to spend a Saturday than chilling out, reading and mingling :)
Delphine always wanted to pilot her father’s plane and when he forgot his keys on her tenth birthday, she knew that taking off would be easy. By that she meant taking off out the door towards the airstrip nestled at the back of the house, the feat of making the plane fly she knew was going to be something else entirely.
There was a slight breeze blowing as she passed through the gate and finally caught sight of the yellow plane, her fathers pride and joy. It was bigger than she remembered, perhaps because she had never been this close before, only admiring it from afar, through eyes squinting at the sun.
Delphine, a book fanatic had read books on aviation from cover to cover, at a push she would probably be able to tell you how to dismantle and rebuild the plane before her, quite a feat for someone only ten years old. She knew the purpose and function of every button on the complex dashboard, how to adjust the seats, and also the location of a cleverly hidden parachute should the need a rise. Let’s hope it doesn’t she thought to herself crossing her fingers behind her back.
Raring to go Delphine walked towards the door, or where she thought the door was. A sealed unit flush with the sides, it was quite hard to spot. All to do with the aerodynamics of the plane she thought recalling Chapter 14. To her dismay however, she could not find a handle and as we all know, it’s very hard to open a door without a handle. Mentally scanning the pages in her head she could find no references to help her solve this conundrum, meaning the biggest thing Delphine experienced on her tenth birthday was frustration.
Just at that moment she heard her father call out asking her if she had seen his keys.
‘No Papa, I will help you look’ she shouted sprinting towards the house, hoping to replace the keys before he noticed.
The moral of the story, it’s always good to have brains, but you also need a dash of common sense. On this occasion it would have helped Delphine figure out that the little arc she thought was decoration, was actually the handle, flush and cleverly concealed to keep it aerodynamic too.
Clearly the train WiFi hates me. As everyone around me appears to seamlessly browse content on their phones, I stare endlessly at a revolving circle on a white page, that mocks me and tickles at my levels of annoyance.
It’s proving detrimental to my reading and catching up. Bloglovin tells me I have no unread posts, which is a lie, I have millions, ok, slight exaggeration, perhaps hundreds. It constantly loses connection and reloads, opening windows here there and everywhere peppering them with little messages telling me all the things it can’t do right now……for feck sake!
I’m trying, I promise!
Sometime later in the week
I started that post earlier in the week, but I was unable to finish it as the WiFi did not work on the train home that night, or in fact the day after, so the little half post had to lounge in my drafts until tonight.
I was going to do another if we were having coffee post, but in all honestly my life has not been that exciting this week so it would be a very short post. Apart from a night out with the girls, it was very much same old same old.
Thanks to the 12th July holidays I am not back in work until Wednesday, I’d promised that I was going to use today to catch up on my blogging and writing, but I lied to myself and in between copious amounts of cooking I played GTA. I’m not sure what it was, perhaps I got out of bed on the wrong side, but I was not feeling very hospitable. I can’t even say it’s because I’ve been having late nights as I’m having trouble keeping my eyes open these days, and I mean during the day as well….ffs!
That said, Spotify is doing a great job where GTA failed and keeping me calm. I’m currently on Chill playlists, the first one to catch my eye being a Cinematic Chill out one. I adore soundtracks and this is opening my eyes to so many that I have never heard. I am a happy woman indeed.
That’s all I’ve got for now, what’s new in the world with you eejits?
I shall leave you with the lovely Starlights by Tracey Chattaway in the hope it will put a smile on your face like it did mine!
The Indecisive Eejit 