operation – The Indecisive Eejit

4715997829_48bdced6d4_n — Ok so perhaps I didn’t have the headgear!

I’d mentioned in my previous post Looking Back, that since my accident I have been living my life from appointment to appointment.

Tomorrow is a biggy and I would be a liar if I said I was not nervous.

About 6 weeks ago I had an MRI scan to investigate the innards of my knee in an attempt to try and establish why I am not getting a better range of motion and also why I am clicking when I walk.

Since my last appointment almost 4 months ago there have been big improvements. My colleagues assure me I no longer walk like I have crapped my kacks! I still limp, but it is not as noticeable to someone who did not know I had been injured.

My biggest fear is more surgery, that is something I really do no want. I feel like I need a little more time to let everything meld into place, I can only pray my surgeon agrees.

So everyone please keep your fingers crossed for me that it is good news! Surely I deserve some!

Image by Bryce Johnson (click picture for more information)

After my earlier post and much discussion in the office about my new shoes it got me thinking. I have been back in work almost 5 months now and although I am far from being better, I am also much improved.

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I very rarely “Always look on the bright side of life”, I tend to worry more about where I am going as opposed to how far I have come.

It’s been almost a year since my accident. Eight months ago I would never have imagined being where I am now. I thought my world had ended.

My next appointment is in a weeks time and I dread it. What if I go and they tell me they have found something on my scan and I have to go for more surgery. What if my now slightly higher than before kneecap is not right and has to be realigned. what if, what if, what if…..

I realised today I have pretty much lived my life from one appointment to the next. I can’t make plans. It’s a weight on my shoulders.

Aside from the fact of more surgery, there are other things to consider. More sick leave means going onto half pay again. Bills still need to be paid. It could also mean warnings from work.

But I can walk, that is the main thing here. Sure I may have a limp or not be able to do all the things I previously did, but I am walking. I’ve been through the toughest 7 months of my life and come out the other side.

I need to breathe and remember it is a long road to full recovery. There are many people fighting different battles and they do it with a smile because there is always hope.

Picture credit Bryce Johnson – click picture for more info