I might go to Mars!

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This week’s ‘Okay, what if?‘ challenge

What if you could live on another planet?

NASA has perfected space travel and created a livable environment on Mars. In an attempt to colonize they have invited you to be among the first inhabitants of the red planet. Do you accept and if so, what is your experience?

Dear Nasa,

Thank you for informing me that I have been randomly selected for the ‘Trip to Mars Draw’.

Winning a ticket would  invoke the same reactions in me as it did in Charlie when he won his Golden Ticket to Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, only I didn’t run all the way home because my leg is knacked, and I’m too lazy. The other advantage I have however, is that going to Mars will make me lighter, whereas going to the chocolate factory would definitely have made me heavier!

So here’s the thing, I’d give strong consideration to going but I don’t reckon I’d last too long. You’ve heard the old saying about a fart in a spacesuit right? well if I eat beans and I drop one I’m a goner. There are no second chances….I am D E A D! But by the same token, if I cut a blow hole in my spacesuit will I die anyway when the atmosphere penetrates? This is a real worry!

I’m not sure I like the idea of having to chase my food around the house much either. I’ve seen the adverts, an open bag of M&M’s fly in all directions, I mean what’s the use of that, by the time I round all the feckers up, I’d be too tired to eat them! Do you have any way of combating this catastrophe?

I’ve been known to see red on a few occasions, but how would I cope seeing it on a daily basis? and the floors, how would I keep them clean? I don’t want people tramping that red dust stuff all over my clean carpets. I suppose I could make them wear plastic bags on their feet….aye, not a bad idea that, so just ignore my last.

I’ve wanted a dog for a long time, will they be allowed? I could never have one here because I’m at work all day, but you’re telling me I wouldn’t have to work so I’d have plenty of time. If I took it out for a walk would it be like trailing a balloon after me, or do you have special little boots for them too? Also could you design some kind of little umbrella that attaches to it’s tail to catch the poop as it floats into space? or is it something more primitive, like a butterfly net for example?

It’s a lot to take in, and there is a lot to leave behind, so I am not sure what my answer would be if I won the draw. If you could however provide the answers to the questions I have asked that may assist with the decision making process.

Many thanks in advance for your assistance.

The Indecisive Eejit.