Blue Monday continues..

January 17, 2017January 17, 2017 The Indecisive Eejit45 Comments

I had no knowledge of blue Monday until the tail end of last week, but when I heard the reasoning I could understand why it was named so. Apparently ‘blue Monday’ is meant to be the most depressing day of the year. It was, and somehow the sneaky fecker managed to weave itself into the tail end of last week and today as well. It’s legacy lives on.

I did feel blue yesterday and there were various times throughout the day when the air was blue too. I’m blaming cigarettes, or to be more precise my lack of same.

The first week and a half was challenging health ways as I battled headaches, nausea, coughing and cravings, only small ones though that tapped at my head like a lazy Woodpecker.

By the middle of the second week despite the fact that my headaches were easing slightly I soon realised the honeymoon period was over as the Woodpecker struck with jackhammer like ferocity. I imagined it to be making pencils (who the feck knows why) that I then wanted to use to stab anyone who came within a 2ft radius of me.

I had the rage and I had it bad, but thankfully I was able to contain it and make it to the end of the week without being arrested.

Then came the tears. I mean ffs there is more going on here than Bertie and his bassets, I was experiencing all sorts! The 20 million symptom checkers I consulted were not far wrong in their estimations that quitting smoking could be the cause of feeling down in dumps.

Ok so to be fair, there are other things going on here too. I’m finding work pretty stressful, the last two months seem to be catching up on me and I generally feel pretty useless. It’s a lot to be going on with and in hindsight perhaps trying to tackle everything all at once was not a great idea.

That said, the ghost of nicotine past is really playing with my emotions. There is a good chance it is also playing with my sanity too, I mean you should have seen the look I got from the girl at the train station when I asked her to blow the smoke from her cigarette in my face. Random I know, but it quelled the craving and calmed my homicidal tendencies so it was well worth it!

I shall tame this monster, we’ve been battling head on now for 18 days, 21 hours, 7 minutes and 41 seconds, not that I’m counting. It’s definitely a struggle, but I am determined to give it my best shot.

Cold turkey was always something I really looked forward to after Christmas, it’s lovely in a sandwich with a little lettuce and potato salad, now though it has new meaning. It means I have to carry on with this quest without the assistance of patches, gum or any other type of nicotine supplement. Why I hear you ask (if you’re nosey), well because I never want to go through this kind of cold turkey ever again.

2017 is the year and I’ve started step one! When I figure out what comes next I’ll let you know. I didn’t even realise until today I was on a ladder.

Wish me luck, I bloody well need it!

Please note no persons or pencils were harmed in the making of this post…well, not yet anyway!

Alien Leg – Part 2

May 3, 2013May 12, 2013 The Indecisive Eejit6 Comments

Previous Post.

I’m not sure how I survived the few days leading up to surgery. I know I didn’t sleep very much. I had a lot on my mind.

The thought of anesthesia scared me. The thought of not waking up from anesthesia scared me more. No one really prepares you for what to expect, but signing a form to acknowledge the fact you may die during the procedure is certainly thought provoking.

My surgery was scheduled for Friday the 13th! I know, someone somewhere was having a great chuckle at my expense.

We had to leave the house at 5.30 that morning to ensure prompt arrival at the hospital for 7.30am. I was taken into an admittance ward and my parents were told they could not stay with me. I was actually calm, something that surprised me. I was practising my albatross breathing to try and keep my blood pressure as level as possible. Breathe in while imagining the wings of the great bird lifting, breathe out as they lower. Hey stop laughing, it actually works!

I was given a gown, and a sock and told to get changed. It’s almost impossible to keep your modesty in check when you’re on crutches, have no spare hands and your arse is hanging out of a blue gown that you can’t tie because the fastenings are at the back. The single white sock however was kind of fetching in it’s own way, it’s aim, to aid circulation I think.

Then in walked my surgeon. I am guessing he came to explain the procedure to me, I did not hear one word he said. I was to busy gazing upon his loveliness. I saw his mouth moving, but seriously that was all. Little words like, drill, holes, in, kneecap, suture and stitches may have filtered through the bird song and fireworks I just can’t be sure. He then grabbed a marker and proceeded to draw an arrow on my foot. I’m pretty sure had it been anyone else but him I would have joked and said do you not know what leg it is ya eejit, I mean does the full leg cast not kind of give it away, but I said nothing. My sub concious was obviously smart enough to tell my brain, you’re going to be asleep and under his knife, shut the hell up!

Next came the anesthetist, lovely man he was, all jolly and smiley. He’d have put me right at ease if I hadn’t been already due to the aforementioned albatross exercises, to be honest I think I was a little giddy at this point from all the attention.

Anesthetist: Hello I’m Dr Anesthetist and I’ll be looking after you today.

Me: You’ll be putting me out, right?

Anesthetist: Yes, that’s my job.

Me: As in, out, out.

Anesthetist: Yes

Me: As in I will be asleep, right out, not aware, dead to the…..ummm reallly soundly alseep.

Anesthetist: You have no need to worry.

Me: Ok! (begrudgingly)

They come and tell me it’s time and start wheeling me through the corridors, into lifts and down into the bowels of the hospital. I’m not ashamed to admit I cried. Watching all the ceiling lights go past I started to think of all the people I might never see again if I didn’t make it through, I was lonely, I wanted someone I knew to tell me goodbye and that they would see me later. The nurse patted my hand and told me it would be ok and right there and then that was the nicest thing anyone could have done for me.

The scenery changed and I was in a little annex off the theatre and the Anesthetist Nurse says she is going to put in a cannula, I think that’s what it’s called anyway. She says “You’ll just feel a little prick” and I swear I let out the loudest schoolgirlish giggle in the whole world and said “tee hee hee she said just a little prick” and they all started laughing. I went bright red, I think I muttered “Oops did I say that out loud! She carried on with what she was doing and it bloody hurt, “Ouch that wasn’t such a little prick after all!” says I.

My jolly anesthetist came back and started patting my hand and asking me questions, I heard him say she won’t need a mask. I remember turning to him and saying “Ooo my face has gone all tingly” and him replying that was perfectly normal, I remember nothing after that.

To be continued……………….

Alien Leg – Part 3

Alien Leg, an introduction!

May 1, 2013May 3, 2013 The Indecisive Eejit9 Comments

Never wear lounge pants that have a tendency to slide down as you walk, that’s all I am saying, they are detrimental to your health!

Last summer I was wearing a pair of said trousers and my toe of my right foot caught at the bottom and down I went, landing on, I can only assume a bent left knee. It all happened so quickly, I can’t really be sure how I landed but I knew I had done some kind of damage.

When I was younger my right knee had a tendency to dislocate as in I would turn and it wouldn’t, so I figured this was something similar. After about 5 minutes when I had stopped writhing around and the shock subsided I managed to get myself up onto my feet with relatively little pain, however when I went to step forward I realised I had no control over my leg, I couldn’t kick forward and there was a strange lump about an inch up into my thigh when I bent my knee, I later learned this was my kneecap.

One trip to A&E later and I am in a full leg cast and all set for the Fracture Clinic the following Tuesday. At this stage I still had no inclination how serious my injury was, ignorance was bliss.

I’m 41 years old and I am lucky enough to be able to say that up until this point I had never been at a hospital in my life. I was fecking petrified, I’m pretty sure my blood pressure was through the roof and every part of me hurt from trying to haul myself around on crutches. It is sooooo difficult, I used to scowl at people who made it look easy.

7 Hours later I am leaving the Fracture Clinic, my cast is split but bandaged together, the Dr has said I can weight bear on the leg as I have already done the damage, but I have to go for Surgery on the Friday to fix what I now know is a ruptured patellar tendon.

So back to the title of this post, I affectionately named my left leg Alien Leg or AL for short as it no longer felt like my own.

To be continued…….

Alien Leg – Part 2

I want to document what happened to me, so that I can look back and remember, but as you read this keep in the back of your mind that I am fully aware how lucky I am that I can still walk and my injury while traumatic for me was not life threatening. My heart goes out to anyone who has to experience anything like this or worse, it is not an easy road to travel!