Tag: Eejit

It’s official – I’m a basket case!

The Indecisive Eejit20 Comments
Crying-My-Eyes-Out-penguins-of-madagascar-17559884-500-364
Image by Sandrei

This morning when the train conductor told me my train was delayed and then followed it up with it’s now an express, you’ll have to wait for the next one, I just broke down and cried. I couldn’t help it, I even tried to stop it, but the tears they just kept falling!

The man looked at me in an ‘ah feck, hormonal woman alert’ kind of way! But he was wrong. I was crying out of sheer frustration.

My leg hurts, right now it hurts really bad, most likely something to do with the weather. It’s added pressure I just don’t need, I have so many things to do and my broken lower half just cannot keep up. My alleged ‘good’ leg is also now pitching a fit, probably because it’s sick and tired of taking the strain of it’s twin, I hear ya sister, I just can’t help ya!

Travel is a nightmare, a complete and utter nightmare and coupled with everything else it’s wearing me down.

Here’s the thing, life doesn’t stop just because you’re in pain, you still have to carry on with the tasks associated with the daily grind, suck up the extra physical pressure. I wasn’t however prepared for the extra mental pressure, the strain of coping with the day to day.

I’d been trying to stay so positive, reminding myself on a daily basis there are others in situations much worse than mine, and there are, but just lately it’s all started to crowd in around me just a little. I’m already in full on panic mode about the fast approaching Winter.

I have to say however that after a steady 15 minutes of free flowing waterworks I did feel somewhat better, that is until I reached work and someone made the mistake of asking if I was ok…ah feck here we go again with the leaking eyes and the hormonal stares!

I am currently sitting at my computer, typing this blog and munching on a brazil nut (apparantly they help to increase serotonin levels in the brain) whilst chanting positive mental attitude over and over again. I’m making progress, half an hour ago all I could get out was positively mental!!

I have high hopes for tomorrow. :)

The Joys of Modern Travel – Part 10

The Indecisive Eejit15 Comments

I have not written about the joys of modern travel for ages it seems. I would like to say that this is because it has actually been a joy to travel, but it’s more a case of it’s been annoying my poor frazzled brain so much I was having difficulty transcribing it into words.
 
The new school year has brought with it a whole different class of characters who now use the train to travel from A to B. They are louder, brasher and pushier than ever before. They have no concept of ‘sitting beside someone’ rather they practically plonk themselves on top of you. This morning I had the unenviable task of trying to liberate my coat tails from someone who had obviously paid for their seat, and half of mine.
 
In the morning I no longer attempt to change trains, there is just no point. It’s like trying to push your way through a hoard of stampeding cattle. ‘Alien Leg’ is still refusing to do stairs, so what with the aforementioned stampeding cattle and the completely unreasonable 3 minute platform time change, it’s never going to happen. Not right now anyway. This means I travel to the nearest main station, get off, change and then double back on myself, adding 20 minutes to a journey that is already long and arduous.
 
On the way home I now have 2 train changes, as if one wasn’t bad enough, wtf! Railway planners were obviously on drugs the day they devised the new timetable.
 
It’s bad enough for me, with a wonky leg, but can you imagine what it would be like for someone in a wheelchair trying to attempt to make the same journey that I do.
 
They advertise the fact that you can travel in comfort and enjoy the free ‘WiFi’, relax and banish all the stresses of sitting in traffic. That’s a bit of an untruth. By the time you get yourself seated, if in fact you are lucky enough to get one, get out your tablet, connect to the wifi and kick back to enjoy it, you’re at the last stop and it’s time for the first change. Next stop and it’s time for the second change. By the time you clamour aboard for the final leg of the journey, you’re too fecking knackered to even attempt to hook any enabled device to any kind of sodding internet and you just collapse into the nearest available seat.
 
Don’t even get me started on the amount of decibels one table of school children can produce.
 
Joys of modern travel my arse!

In the midst of the Meh!

The Indecisive Eejit15 Comments

 

I’m not a big lover of posting videos, I like to share my music tastes as the ‘In my music bubble’ page shows, but I didn’t like having to make people watch things. A few others have been sharing their music using you tube video’s and I realised it was actually a great way to share the songs here. How could I have been so stupid, I mean how did I think people were going to find my offerings. Stupid cow, can I blame the fact that I am an eejit? Thank you Rob and NBI for opening my eyes :)

I’ve been feeling a little off kilter for the past couple of weeks. I can’t seem to put my finger on why, but my happiness meter is nowhere near where it should be. I suppose I can take some comfort from the fact that I am able to recognize the dips, I’ve had them before.

Even before my friend came on holiday, my posting had been a little sporadic, mainly because of the way I had been feeling.

I would describe myself as two halves, on one hand you have the person you all know, the jokey one, who gets a kick from entertaining and loves all the interaction.

On the other hand you have the constant worrier. The older I get, the worse it gets. This half still loves all the interaction, but doesn’t feel particularly deserving of it, in fact I think you’re all nuts and hiding behind rose tinted glasses lol I still get scared to comment, even though I know in my heart of hearts you will understand me and get what it is I am trying to say. This half is eternally grateful to you all, well actually both halves are, because you all make me feel grounded and a part of something. I adore the interaction. You’ve helped my quiet side step out from the shadows.

I wanted this blog to be a happy place, I didn’t want to bring my other side in, however the downside of that, is that when you are feeling a little ‘meh’ you either don’t want to write or feel that you can’t.

It’s stupid that I should put restrictions on myself, at the end of the day this is my blog and I can write what I want. I don’t need to seek approval. Anyone who is a friend will accept me for all the parts of me, not just the ones I chose to show at any given time. There are no hard and fast rules that state I have to be happy all the time, although given the choice and a slightly less frazzled brain, that would be the preferred option.

I am my own worst critic, of that there is no doubt. I am never happy, no matter how well I do at something, but I am going to try and make changes. At the end of the day, if I don’t feel comfortable within myself, how can I expect others to be comfortable around me. I am in awe of the eejits that have already pulled up their recliners and settled down around me, you are more than welcome, now put the kettle on would ya? I brought biscuits!

I’m telling you this because I want to. I’m letting you know that in the life of The Indecisive Eejit, whilst it is always indecisive, it is not always rainbows and unicorns. I’m preparing you for the fact that I might let the blog ship sail on stormy days and not just the sunshine ones.

I’m also, if we go right back to the beginning of this post and how it started out, sharing a you tube video of the latest song I like listening to whilst I am wallowing around in the big pond of mehness that surrounds me.

I hope you like it too and thank you for being here, you complete and utter bunch of eejits :)