I have to face facts, I am just not destined to have routine, order and a plan in my life. When I do, something comes along and knocks it for six.

I’ve been hit with a work conundrum, as in I have been given possible options and I have no idea which to choose. Suffice as to say it was totally out of the blue and when three hours later the shock wore off, my stomach was like a washing machine on spin cycle.

I know, without a shadow of a doubt I am my own worst enemy. I am told it at least once a week. I have myself convinced I cannot do something before I even try it. That said, I don’t tell people that I feel I cannot achieve something just to get them to disagree and flatter my ego. I tell people, because that it was I believe and the thought of change scares the absolute shit out of me. That said, sometimes a change is as good as a rest.

I lost my whole weekend (and valuable blogging time) to my best friend worry, running over scenarios in my head and trying to devise solutions to problems that may never arise. It is one of my worst attributes, from my point of view anyway, my work colleagues would no doubt offer some more were you to ask them. It is true what this quote says:

Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.

Based on that, I rocked the weekend away and still didn’t reach a resolution.

The thing is, if I don’t believe in myself, how can I ever expect anyone else to. I take criticism to heart and shy away from compliments. I have no faith in myself and after 42 years it’s highly unlikely I am going to find any now. In an effort to improve I may have to invest in either a self help book or a bar of chocolate!

How do you know you’re making the right decision though? and do you believe that what’s for you will not go by you. Is it a case of kicking back and waiting to see how it all pans out and dealing with the consequences when they arise?

I’ve adopted that attitude today, because I needed to stop the chair rocking. It was giving me motion sickness.

Nothing may come out of all of this anyway. I believe it was just someone putting out feelers to gauge my reaction, but it’s started a thought process that cannot be stopped. Knowing my luck right when I decide I  might need a change after all, the option will no longer be on offer. Only time will tell, and for now I just have to wait.

Now do you see what I am called indecisive! :)

P.s Yes! I know it could have been worse, I could have been handed my P45!