This is how I felt today. Like my head was going to explode, well either that or I was.
There are just some days when it’s all about information overload. The constant stream of endless everything that filters into my lug hole and bounces around in my poor tired head. Days when my name is over used, especially when attached to a request to do something.
I’m not very good at saying the word no, well not out loud anyway. I’ve been saying for years that it is something I need to address, but the truth is it’s more likely that you would find me in a dress. If you knew me, you’d know how ridiculous that statement is, jeans and tee shirts my friends, jeans and tee shirts.
Once upon a time I used to be able to console myself that no matter how bad the day was, I could always head to the comfort of home at the end of it. These days it brings its own stresses, so no comfort there.
So how exactly can you make it through they day without exploding, good question, let me explain:
1. Eat Brussel Sprouts – these little green globules of goodness provide air. Now let’s not be mistaken, this is not air you can breathe, but a much needed release that is channeled and expelled through ones posterior. It works in two ways, both very effective in operation. Mild bursts can help release much needed steam that would otherwise come out your ears. A larger more efficient dose can disperse anyone in a ten foot radius. The sprout is not called small but mighty for nothing you know.
2. Drink coffee – It’s well documented that everyone needs to stay hydrated, but I personally find its better to also stay caffeinated. Not for everyone granted, but as I am not a tea lover what other choice do I have. I find the taste of my coffee so much better when served in my tall Penguin cup, it adds a certain je ne sais quoi and I am less likely to smash it :)
3. Slap yourself – Whilst unpleasant at times if you are in a particularly bad mood, this art is ultimately better than losing your shit and slapping someone else. It also has other uses, like bringing you to your senses in the middle of a meltdown, warming up cold cheeks, the ones on your face that is and waking you up if you’ve run out of coffee. That said, the art if slapping oneself while asleep can take years to master, its not something that just happens overnight, ho ho!!
4. Go to the toilet – Being angry on a full bladder is never good, especially if you are unfortunate enough to sneeze in the middle of your meltdown, however on this occasion, this is not the visit to the toilet I mean. Instead, march yourself to the nearest lavatory, preferably one without windows, turn the light off, sit down and have serious think about where your life is going if you continue on this path of wanton destruction. Now flush. See what I am getting at, your life is going down the pan. Sort your shit out and get back to work. Remember to wash your hands on the way out.
5. Smile – No matter what is going on in that sadistic little head of yours, smile. It unnerves those around you and gives them no clue as to what evil deeds you plot. That said, you must always remember never to clench your fists or grit your teeth whilst showing your pearly whites, both are a dead giveaway. At the same time, force your smile to reach your eyes, if you feel a wavering, a cheeky wink might just save you and your plan for world domination.
These tips should help on days of adverse working conditions, however no one is perfect, so always ensure that you place an order for a cake which includes a file with a local baker. Leave instructions that said cake should only be baked in the event of incarceration.
Tomorrow should be a breeze – you’re welcome :)
Haha lol slap yourself :D <3
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Gently of course if you’re a first timer :) lol
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Haha of course! :D <3
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What great tips! I can see some real possibilities for making my life a better place for me. Damn those around me. ;-)
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Lol you’ll have to buy a Penguin cup and reinforce the rear of your trousers, but then you’re good to go :)
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Yes… Coffee is always best consumed from a mug/cup/beverage holder that you know you’re not likely to want to throw against a wall haha :)
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I love my Penguin cup, its a lean, mean drinking machine lol
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Oh my……well, sorry for the bad day, but glad to see you’re channeling it somewhere creative…..and this is very creative! I do wonder though if the slapping yourself can be nearly as fulfilling as slapping the object of your frustration…….hrumpf! Cheers, Juls…hang in there!
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Probably not, but it’ll have to do, I’m not prepared to cross over into the dark side just yet lol
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I vote up anyone who uses kamikaze farting as a coping skill.
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Great isn’t it. It is a victorious day for trouser trumps! Lol
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I fear with each post we are more and more like each other lol I am also terrible at saying no. Particularly at work and with family! I can be asked to do something and I’m all “sure no problem, anything for you” when deep down I want to punch them in the face for not doing it themselves lol I may take a leaf out of your book… Slapping may leave marks brought into question about my home life… Sprouts give me terrible gas… Guess it’s the coffee route for me! Lol xXx
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But but but, that’s the hole (see what I did there) point of the sprouts lol If you can’t slap em, gas em lol
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I found this in the nick of time! Heading for a meltdown myself this week – and it’s only flippin Tuesday!!! My procrastination is catching up with me in one almighty meteor strike. But I’ve bought a new posh notebook and named my demons/.missions in my best handwriting at the top of each page. These are all good tips…but slap myself?????Can I not just eat a biscuit instead?? ;-)
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You can, but if you are meant to be being good would you not have to slap yourself anyway for eating the biscuit?
Love the new notebook idea. Have you ever seen the Happy Jackson ones? I got two at Christmas time, one says on the front ‘Really Serious Stuff’ and the other says ‘Random Crap’ lol Shame I can’t think of anything to write in the bloomin things lol
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Should I say this ? …… no…….yes……no……yes….. so you’re a slapper then Juls ? :roll: :D <3
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Lol At first I was mortally offended, work was hectic, I clearly was slow and then like the early morning sun it dawned on me and I guffawed, now a quite one either…so thanks for that mate lol
Can I settle for occasionally I am a slapper :/ lol
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I had to say it, as you gave me such an opening Juls. Have a great evening my friend. :D
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No, no, actually you didn’t have to, but considering the slagging I give you I deserved it lol You git, does that make us evens!! :P
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Not quite. I have a new post of yours to visit yet :D
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Oh crap…but remember, I have a couple of yours to read too!! lol
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Uh oh ! :D
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Good coping strategies there! Hope they help you. Maybe also get a cup that has NO!! written on it. In future just hold it up in front of you to keep people away!
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I’m liking that idea very much. Can I get Eff Off printed on the bottom, so if they don’t listen they will get the message when I take a sip lol
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Yes! Love that idea. Maybe get one for me too?
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No problem :)
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I would like to add “listen to music, the louder and more aggressive the better.” ;) Hope you’re doing alright sweetie.
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Good call, Judas Priest Painkiller was always a good one to belt out. My introduction to it was courtesy of Rockband the game. Learning that song made my fingers bleed lol
I’m not doing to bad, how’s life your side of the pond?
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Sheesh, I could have used the Brussel sprout strategy today. How amazing that the humble Brussel sprout is such a “whole” food: gives one a good clean out whilst dispersing the toxic elements in close proximity. Love it :) Linda
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If we could harness that power we could also have an internal jet pack that could help us get from one destination to another lol
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I know, I know! NASA should be very excited …
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Or scared…… lol
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roflmbo —- now this is creative genius in the words, eh!
Great ideas – to be considered for future dates …. but I shall skip on the Brussel Sprouts [BS] as they are the devil’s balls – no matter how they are cooked – and well – yuck. I’ll carefully consider alternate gas inducing break the wind of yer sails alternatives XD
hugs to you Juls – hope you are feeling better :)
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Lol at the Devils balls. You may have put me off them now, and I LOVE them. That said, I am not particularly fond of how they smell on the way out lol
But hey ho, you can’t hold what you haven’t got in your hand :)
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XD
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I slap myself all the time… and then have a word with myself.
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No one believes that it helps until they try it themselves lol
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Hilarious. The brussels sprouts suggestion is (um) delicious!!!
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Oh aye, tis good fodder for keeping the trousers a trumping :)
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Grab a banana and torment David Ellis with it! :D
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Lol i thought you were going to say batter him with a banana lol
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These are great tips! Funny but great! Definitely sort my stuff by myself than in front of someone else. I might end up slapping them lol. Thanks!
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lol I could never condone actual slapping of anyone other than myself, but I’m with you I mentally slap quite a few people every day lol
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This is brilliant! :D
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Thank you, I’m glad you liked it :)
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This made me lol, especially the smiling and slapping. I slap myself mentally, while laughing hysterically :)
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You know people think we’re crazy when we do that right!? Little do they know that we’re actually plotting world domination ;)
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LMAO! Great suggestions, Juls! In fact, I’m partaking of the second one at this very moment! :D
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And me also as I reply to you. Everyone always says that when I drink coffee at this time it will keep me awake, but it never does lol
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Brussel Sprouts – Mmm – excellent at making people leave the room.
Coffee – yuk! Only nice in chocolate (and lots of it).
Thanks for the tips, Juls.
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You’re more than welcome :)
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