It was buried at the bottom of an old pencil case, dry as a bone and with spots of rust starting to take form on the nib. I cleaned it and changed the cartridge, but it still runs dry. It’s been neglected for too long.
I used to love writing, little notes, poems, scribblings in a jotter. It was what I wanted to do, although I was a realist and knew for certain it would never be my fortune. I was never without a notebook for any length of time, sadly not always the same one, meaning I sometimes created mash ups without even trying.
I cringe now when I read back over some of the things I wrote, all that teenage angst flowing through my body and out the nib of a pen, worse still was I was in my twenties! Teenage angst didn’t happen in the back of beyond, there were only hay bales, tractors and young farmers who allegedly did it in wellies. It was only when I moved to the big smoke that I discovered this inner me and my love for the written word.
Seriously, if you don’t believe me when I tell you how bad they were then let me prove it to you:
Be Funny
They say be funny,
I don’t feel like being funny!I make faces in the mirror,
but that just makes me sad,
I notice yet another spot,
so now I’m feeling mad.
My Mum shouts “Dinners ready now”
perhaps things aren’t so bad,
I go downstairs and stuff my face,
at last I’m feeling glad.
That said, reading back over them now I can remember both the situation and my feelings at the time, albeit in most cases now my heart is no longer breaking….yup…love was a recurring theme, that and loneliness.
Single Sided Love
I know she loves you.
I can see it in her eyes.
She wants to end your sentences,
but cannot find the words.
She holds you tight,
like if she lets you go,
she’ll loose you forever.
Yes,
she definitely loves you,
but you offer nothing in return.
It’s funny, when you’re younger, actually, any age, when you fall out of love you feel your heart will never mend, especially if you were not the one to actually fall out of it in the first place. You swear you’ll never do it again, and relationships become a taboo subject.
The Burden
I’ll walk up and down the street,
and they’ll say to me,
“What is it that you are carrying in that plastic bag,
that looks so heavy?”
And I’ll say
“My Heart”
Time however is a good healer and with time you become a little more comfortable and sure about your new status. I say a little, because there is always room for improvement.
Part-Time Lonely Heart
I tell everyone I am fine,
happy to be on my own.
But am I?
Sometimes yes,
sometimes no.
A part-time lonely heart.
Eventually you’ll realise there is life after love and that actually despite what you thought for the last three months the world did manage to keep on spinning. Time to get your shit together.
Tomorrow
Tomorrow,
when day breaks,
and the sun again resides in her palace,
the birds will sing,
and rejoice,
for a new day will have begun.
Written for todays Daily Prompt from the diaries of my twenty something self. There really never was much hope for me was there :)
The Indecisive Eejit 
I think your writing shows great promise. Certainly it got the emotions involved across quite clearly! What fun a trip down memory lane. And hey, you’ve improved since then, so that’s a plus!
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Lol they were not the worst ones, but not even I am brave enough to publish them for the outside world.
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Sounds oddly familiar, kind of like some of the stuff I used to write.
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It’s better out than in though isn’t it. I have books full of the crap I have written, I imagine if there were not on pages then my head would probably have exploded lol
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Try writing with a puddle pen
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I don’t have to pee in the puddle pen do I?
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Yes
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Awww man!
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Ohhh, hahaha, I kinda recognize myself here… Which is probably because of being twenty-something myself. And drama writing, oh yeah, for sure. It’s somehow good to see I’m not the only one doing this and going through this phase, and to see that eventually all will be well ;)
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I think we all need a little drama writing, perhaps it pushes us onto the straight and narrow :)
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Yea, or it keeps us from going too drama in public, maybe… I always tell myself not to care so much about everything, but I cant’ help it, so it’s good to have a place where I can dramatically ramble on and on. And then I can behave normal in public again ;)
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That’s a great idea, although technically I suppose I already do ramble on here lol
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Well, there are two kinds of public – I’d say it’s good to do it here :)
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I do like “The Burden”…is it okay to smirk a little at the melodramatic angst????! I too have a bunch of notebooks from my teenage years and early twenties. There is a lot of angst and nihilism in them. I remember going to great lengths to deliberately make the poetry obscure so that no one else would know what I was talking about. The thing is, now I can’t remember what sparked most of them!! Mostly I cringe at what I wrote, and sometimes I’m a little alarmed by who is in those books.
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I did have little moments of panic, not quite alarm where I read back and thought, what on earth was I thinking! I was surprised though at the memories it brought back, sure if I can’t laugh at myself, who can I laugh at :)
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I used to want to be an author/journalist but was told it was too hard to get into so was advised to do techy stuff. Since blogging I feel that I have kinda achieved my younger me’s aspirations. I too have a folder full of written notes/poems/words etc. I’d be too scared to post them here I think but you never know, you’ve encouraged me to think about opening up the folder…
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It was actually quite theraputic, I feel distinctly middle of the road now, no worse and no better lol So you might as well, then you too can feel middle of the road just like me, you lucky chap you!
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Hmmm still not convinced
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I think if poetry were not invented the words for the feelings sad and glad would be different and would not rhyme.
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Good point well presented :)
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I think you should continue, if it was therapeutic and so well written! :)
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Perhaps one day I shall share some more, I truly have saved the worst for last, not visa versa lol
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I used to write very similar stuff!
I always found (and still sometimes do) that love was too strong an emotion for me, as if I feel it wrong, and having it in my life causes crazy stuff. I’ve thought maybe its because Im scared of it going away, but I tend to make it go away by being so crazy about it. Lol.
Hugs lovely, loved reading this x (Sorry for notification spam as I try to catch up with my reading)
Oh and we’ll have to have a game on xbox one or something, hopefully you’re feeling better enough now (Im reading your blog backwards lol) xxx
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I so understand where you’re coming from. Where love is concerned, I tend to talk myself out of it before it’s begun lol
I’d love to game with you on the Xbone, especially when I get around to getting GTA. I’ve hardly played it at all, can’t seem to put Red Dead down lol Yeee haaaa!
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