There has been very little free time this past week. Every time I sat down to write something all the ideas I had went flooding out instead of flooding in.
I feel a little bit over whelmed, this last month or so has been crazy busy and I always feel like I am in a higher than normal state of stress, visitors, new job, organising, planning, shopping, cooking, cleaning, washing and ironing, if this were a merry go round I would already have jumped by now.
I suppose the main factor behind the whole thing is that everything happened all at once. I don’t feel settled at work and that appears to be having a domino effect on everything else. No matter how home life was, work was always a constant, I knew my job, I could do my job and I happily worked away in the background. The new job is a little more in the fore front and last week I felt like a tennis player in front of one of those machines that serves the ball at a million miles an hour, only it had gone haywire and there were balls being fired at me all roads and directions. It would appear I am a shit juggler!
I’ve said over and over this week that I am not cut out for this job, and I firmly believe that. I am a terrible decision maker, I dither and I lose valuable hours and minutes checking and double checking myself and then still worrying about the finer points. I know I am new in the job, and I know the chances are it will get better, or let me rephrase that, I will get better, but this period in between stupid and smart is knocking lumps out of my already battered self confidence. I hate not knowing what I am doing, it feels like failure is smacking me repeatedly about the face.
I would love just one weekend where I didn’t have to worry about anyone else but myself. Thing is though, despite what I say I would still worry. I’d love for other people in my house to realise that they can lift things off the floor, wipe benches, clean up talcum powder that clearly threw itself all over the bathroom and perhaps even put a wash on sometimes. My Dad is good at helping but sometimes it’s the small things that irk the most.
I’m tired, because sometimes my brain will not shut down enough to enable me to relax, which means I stay up until stupid o’clock to make sure that I actually sleep when my head hits the pillow. Dad’s been having the same issues, I hear him pacing the floors as well. He probably needs a break more than me.
I know things in work will even out and I will become more settled, but this was one of the reasons why if I had been given the choice of taking the job, I would probably have refused. I just don’t need the additional stress right now, there is no where to escape from it. Thank goodness for this blog and you guys.
So my mantra for this week is don’t stress the small things, try to make decisions and have faith that there is light at the end of the tunnel and remember if all else fails I can always hide under the desk until Friday! :)
Look out for the new Cartoon Craziness Challenge theme tomorrow eejits and thank you for all your participation so far!
P.s I’m ok honest, I just needed to vent, look I feel better already, I’m smilin!
The Indecisive Eejit 
Yes, less stress. I know how it can be with work. I think you have a solid plan for the week and will get there. I can’t wait for the new CCC :D
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I hope it does not disappoint, the CCC that is not my stress levels :) Fingers crossed for some solid plan action….today was run around like a headless chicken day…tomorrow will be better…honest! lol
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Blogs are a great place for venting! :)
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They are and the people reading have the option of not reading any further too. Win win all round lol
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Lol if I often want to hide under my desk but if I did someone would just come find me! And they wouldn’t stop until they found me ;)
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To be honest I think long before I would get under the desk someone would come and investigate all the grunting noises of me trying to get under the desk in the first place lol
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bahaha! That just made me laugh out loud ;)
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I know that new job adjustment phase. You can’t get through it fast enough. You seem to be handling it well though. Keep on truckin
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Lol @ keep on truckin, I like that. My saying this week as been ‘On it like a car bonnet’ lol
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Great post and I can def. sympathize with you. Maybe one day huh?
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Maybe, you and I live in hope Tim, because without it we’ve got nowt but each other lol
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Well, each other can’t be a bad thing :D
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It’s a good thing…no it’s a great thing :)
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I totally agree :)
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((Hugs)) I think a lot of us have had a similar time recently. Pace yourself, or try to as much as you can!
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I think I lack organisation, but it’s really hard to get organised when you don’t have a minute lol I need to remember to periodically pace myself and…breathe lol
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I didn’t like this because I like the stress that you’re under or the fact that you feel so overwhelmed, but I do like the fact that you felt free enough to vent and to put the stuff that’s worrying you right out on the table. We’ve all been there a time or six, but it’s no fun when you’re in the midst of it and your self-esteem is taking a major hit.
You do have a support team here. I know it’s meant the world to me over the last few weeks to know that there are people here who really care and who “get it” when we’re frustrated and hanging on by a thread.
Anytime you need venting space, we’re here! :-)
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That’s good to know and believe me, much appreciated. We really do have a great community here and I wouldn’t be without any of you :)
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Venting is good, so is acknowledging that we can’t actually do everything perfectly all the time. But damn, does that shit suck. Hang in there honey, things are bound to get better eventually. Right? ;)
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Here’s hoping lol That said I have finally acknowledged that I can no longer sit with everything crossed as I was giving myself repetitive strain injury without actually laying a finger on the keyboard. I’m just going to have to uncross and hope for the best lol
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Are “stress balls” a thing there?
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Yes they are, but in our office we kept throwing them at people. It relieves the stress but I am sure it is not how the inventor intended.
I have a little stress car on my desk although I am yet to use it lol
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I have a stress dragon – you squeeze him and his eyes pop out. Quite nice.
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It’s a dragon, she says. His eyes pop out, she says. It’s quite nice said no one ever! Oh no wait, you did ffs lol
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I took a picture earlier – 2 actually – and I’ll post them shortly. He’s delightful.
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Well I’m glad that now you’re smiling. Hang in there — and you know what — stop and breathe — fer feck’s sake.
Seriously, Juls, take a breath or two or 70 and stop. Let go of the small shite — just let it be so that you can give yourself a much needed break – or you will end up on the caboose side of crazy.
Hugs to you Eejit — you are wonderful and things will settle.
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I will learn to pace myself and realise that everything cannot be done right there and then in that second. I need to go easy on myself. I might be a little rough around the edges now, but hopefully soon I will be as smooth as silk :)
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I have ever faith and confidence in you —-changes, especially such big ones, and what with all the other stuff with the mothership etc. is rough. But you’ll be the discerning type and before you know it, all those balls will be out of your hands ;)
(honestly, woman, where do you find the time to monkey around with so many – er – balls? No wonder you’re so tired. ;) )
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I wish I could Monkey around with……oh never mind lol
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ahh the truth reveals itself as late night babbles born on the wings of desire zzzzzzzzzzzzz ;)
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Hey, you just hang in there….I’m in the initial throes of our move here and oh, it’s rough when there’s no comfort zone. OMG. But you know, I keep telling myself just do one thing and that will leave room for one more thing to get done and soon enough there will be routine and comfort. Same with you….get good at one thing and then move to the next. Baby step it.
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I like that idea and will indeed try to put it into practice. Learn one thing at a time and stop trying to do everything all at once, that probably is part of my problem. Thank you :) Hope all goes well with your move too!
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Venting is good : ) You’ll pick up the job, it just takes time.
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You do mean pick up and throw out the window right?! lol
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Definitely!!! LOL
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I have faith in you, Juls. I know you’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and gosh darn it others have faith in you too. It’s Friday, so come out and try to enjoy the weekend; Surfer Rob’s got your back!
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It’s good to know that someone has :)
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You are your own worst enemy, aren’t you?
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Yep :( Tis true!
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