This Internet dating lark is easy, said no one, ever!!
I mean come on, you have a 27 page questionnaire to complete before they even let you get to the stage of picking a password! Apparently I completed one of the questions wrong too. It seems that where it said sex, I was supposed to answer with ‘Female’ and not ‘Yes Please’. Oh well, at least I know for next time.
Now I know what you’re thinking, and you’d be right, just exactly why are two voluptuous girls like myself and Onda having to resort to a dating site. Well if you lived where we do and frequented the same bars, you would know exactly why that is. It’s the same old faces all the time, half of them I went to school with and the other half are as old as me Da. There is, sadly, a definite lack of available men within our age range, which the way things are going at the minute could be anywhere from 21 – 55.
We have become girls of a certain standard, no longer interested in the young farmers, who ‘Do it in Wellies’, we’ve grown up and moved on so we’re now more inclined toward the likes of accountants and bankers, because apparently, they ‘do it with interest’, and by ‘do it’ I mean dating of course, you dirty sods!
Truth be told this is more for Onda than me, but you know what it’s like, you have to support your friends and in all honesty I’d be scared of missing out on something.
Onda’s last bloke, Kevin, an award winning butcher from the shop on Main Street, as lovely as he was, thought of her as a piece of meat, quite literally! He was always asking her to put a smile on her ‘chops’, complimenting her on her lovely ‘rump’ and referring to her, albeit proudly, as a prize heifer to his friends!
Onda for the most part, good soul that she was took it all in her stride at the start, however cracks started to appear and the crunch came when all the girls in the pub started winking and making references to the size of Kevin’s prize winning sausage, commenting that because of that surely his oddities could be overlooked. One sausage joke to many, and Onda realising that he fell more into the category of cocktail than beef decided he had to go.
So now do you see why I am here today, writing this post and hiding from the task of having to embellish the details of my life in order to make them suitable for the many single men in the stratosphere, well the Emerald Isle at the very least. First impressions would lead me to believe that the men on the site outnumber the woman by at least 10 to 1 and I have already been asked to do things that I would never consider due to the massive health and safety risks involved. In fact I am pretty sure no ones body can bend like that naturally.
I shall keep you informed of how it all goes, the dating that is, not the…umm..other stuff!
The Indecisive Eejit 
Oh man, don’t you guys go anywhere else? The park, the library, the grocery store?or go out of town and hit the bars there? Internet dating sounds like a huge hassle already!
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Lol now Rob, you have to remember she is May Dupp here, but the park, seriously lol You’d get trailed under the buses and sold on the black market for a bottle of buckfast lol
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Dang! Next thing you’ll tell me is the beer there isn’t green!
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. . . It is, right?
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…….this could be worse than you finding out about Santa Claus, I don’t think I can do it to you, so can I plead the 5th, whatever that means? They use it in TV shows a lot lol
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Lol it’s the fifth amendment, something about not having to inseminate oneself in court.
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Hmmm, ok I might have to rethink my argument. Can I refuse to answer on the grounds it might make your eyes leak? lol
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Lol what??? I can’t even visualize that without my eyes leaking!
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Ah feck it…..Rob, pal of mine, the beer is not green :( there I said it!
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I’m going to weep. Maybe I’ll skip the beer and go straight to Guinness from now on. ;)
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Lol sounds like a plan!
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Oh and I thought you shared a bitstrips with me the other day but now I can’t find it.
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I haven’t done one for ages. I changed mine to make the May one but then changed it back. I must do one of us soon tho lol
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Weird! I got some sort of notification
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Let me do check!
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:lol:
Internet dating… such memories…. wish I could say they were good, lol.
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Agreed, I have to say I have tried it too and I still carry the scars lol
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I’m a little afraid to ask what her online dating name is!
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Ooo I never thought of that lol She’s not the brightest pixie in the forest so probably something like ‘The Real May Dupp!’ lol
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Just so long as Onda never had mad cow disease but judging by the sounds of the size of Kevin’s sausage she might have had foot and mouth haha
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LOL poor Kevin!!
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I think it can be inferred how my last “It Came From the Internet!” relationship went considering some of my posts over the last month, but if not then I can confirm: NOT GOOD.
If, IF, and when I decide to do this again, I am putting it out to my loyal followers to write my profile for me. And I want an interactive quiz for my potential suitors to know the difference between Kardashian “fat” and reality “fat” (for me, not you :-) ).
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Lol that’s ok, it kinda applies to me too, I am of the portly persuasion :)
The last one for me, was just before I did my leg in, turned out he was married, so I thought perhaps my accident was a sign lol I’m not ever doing it again, it should carry a health warning, either that or any male who fills out an application be made to drink a truth serum before they do lol
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Hah! Yes please…plead the 5th involves self-incrimination, unless it applies to vodka…then it’s more, more, more.
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Lol if I drank vodka I’d be sparked out within 5 minutes!
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What site have you joined? I joined Plenty of Fish in support of a friend. It needs to be renames Plenty of Freaks! I’ve been asked for gang bangs, threesomes, will I do this with an animal, will I do that with a fruit or veg. All the best to you, your going to need it lol xXx
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Lol its ok no need to worry, May is a fictional character. But I’ve been on Plenty of Fish before and couldn’t agree more lol
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Internet dating sounds… Interesting. Can’t say I’ve tried it myself. :P
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My advice, and May’s advice too……DON’T!!! lol
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LOL That was amazing …Made me laugh ! I have never tried online dating thing never ever ever !!! How can you blindly trust someone ? I can’t. I have trust issues, I admit but seriously…can’t. Your story is amazing though :P Your wrong answers make much sense ;)
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Aww thanks so much, I’m glad you enjoyed it :)
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